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Original poster

Husband changed mind about having a baby

46 replies

Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:05

I'm married to my husband for almost 5 years. This is my second marriage, I have two children from previous marriage and my husband cares for them like his own. Very early when we started dating we agreed to have children in the future. I have brought up the topics several times over the last few years and he always had a reason to procrastinate. We had a few fights in the last two years. I turned 39 a few months ago (he is 36) and we agreed to talk again then. Now he told me that he changed his mind as he doesn't want more responsibility. I am heartbroken and feel so betrayed. I love him so much and now feel he doesn't love me the same and is being selfish. We have otherwise a very happy marriage and the kids love him too. While I wouldn't want to give up this life I fear that I will resent him because of him taking this away from me and shying away from responsibility. Has anybody been in such a situation or can give advice?

OP posts:
Glowingup · 05/08/2025 19:09

Sorry but I think this is a good thing. He’s a great stepdad and he’s being honest that he doesn’t want any more. You have two children of your own already. Why add more to the mix when it works well now?

EaglesSwim · 05/08/2025 19:11

Normally I'd say he should stick to what he agreed but with two kids already I think you'd be crazy to go for a half sibling.

FloofyKat · 05/08/2025 19:14

Well, he’s allowed to change his mind and it’s best he is honest with you. I don’t think it’s fair to accuse him of being selfish.
And you’re allowed to be upset about something that’s so important to you. I hope he is acknowledging this.

Candleabra · 05/08/2025 19:17

I was preparing to say how unfair this is for you but as you have two children already I think you need to respect his decision and honesty.

Daleksatemyshed · 05/08/2025 19:22

He'a been a good stepdad but bringing up your two DC has shown him he doesn't want his own anymore. Lots of men find two DC enough

iamnotalemon · 05/08/2025 19:25

I appreciate this isn’t what you want or don’t want to hear but it doesn’t make him selfish. He’s a step dad to your two children and a good one at that from what you say so I don’t know how you can call him selfish and that he’s shying away from responsibility.

Parky04 · 05/08/2025 19:28

He has obviously realised on how difficult it is to raise children without throwing a new born into the mix! I don't blame him for changing his mind!

Sweetlikecocaa · 05/08/2025 19:33

Does your now husband have any children of his own? How old are your children OP?

Zanatdy · 05/08/2025 19:34

I agree that he is entitled to change his mind. Why does it mean he doesn’t love you? As he isn’t prepared to do what you want? He is raising your two DC as his own. It is so expensive now so he’s clearly being sensible in not wanting to add additional responsibility. Afraid you’re going to have to accept it, or leave.

Original poster
Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:35

Glowingup · 05/08/2025 19:09

Sorry but I think this is a good thing. He’s a great stepdad and he’s being honest that he doesn’t want any more. You have two children of your own already. Why add more to the mix when it works well now?

I am trying to get over this wish of having more kids. Easier said than done. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:36

EaglesSwim · 05/08/2025 19:11

Normally I'd say he should stick to what he agreed but with two kids already I think you'd be crazy to go for a half sibling.

Evan my daughter asks for another baby sibling, not that would have any decision making bearing but doesn't make it easier either. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:37

FloofyKat · 05/08/2025 19:14

Well, he’s allowed to change his mind and it’s best he is honest with you. I don’t think it’s fair to accuse him of being selfish.
And you’re allowed to be upset about something that’s so important to you. I hope he is acknowledging this.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I agree selfish was probably a bad choice of words out of anger.

OP posts:
MrsLizzieDarcy · 05/08/2025 19:39

It's pretty tough to accept your baby days are over OP, especially when you want to share that experience with your new husband. It's perfectly normal to struggle to take that on board and let the visions you had in your head go.

It's good he can be that honest with you, and that he's a good stepdad.

BlueRin5eBrigade · 05/08/2025 19:40

I think his actions spoke louder than his words. You should have listened. He made excuses, procrastinated and argues about the baby situation. I reckon never wanted kids. He should have been honest about it rather than wasting your fertile years and future faking you.

Original poster
Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:40

Candleabra · 05/08/2025 19:17

I was preparing to say how unfair this is for you but as you have two children already I think you need to respect his decision and honesty.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I respect that he has his own opinion which is different to accept that he has the final say on this.

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 05/08/2025 19:40

How old is your daughter? Kids asking for a sibling tend to think it will either be a) a cute real dolly or b) a fully formed best friend.

If you asked her if she'd like to share a room and go on less holidays she'd probably be less keen.

BruFord · 05/08/2025 19:41

As you already have two children, I think it’s acceptable that he’s decided that he doesn’t want any children of his own.

I don’t think it’s uncommon to want a third child in your late 30’s/early 40’s, because we know that biologically time is running out. I felt the same way for a couple of years.
But if it’s not what he wants, focus on the two lovely children whom you have. 💐

Original poster
Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:42

Sweetlikecocaa · 05/08/2025 19:33

Does your now husband have any children of his own? How old are your children OP?

No he doesn't. They are 12 and 7.

OP posts:
Dery · 05/08/2025 19:42

Wanting a baby can be visceral. Many of us feel strong yearning as our fertility window is moving to a close. But you already have 2 children and he’s a great stepdad so I agree with PPs - why complicate things by introducing a much younger half-sibling especially when your older children are becoming more independent? It’s unlikely to be in your children’s best interests to add a third to the family and could hugely complicate things.

Original poster
Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:43

BruFord · 05/08/2025 19:41

As you already have two children, I think it’s acceptable that he’s decided that he doesn’t want any children of his own.

I don’t think it’s uncommon to want a third child in your late 30’s/early 40’s, because we know that biologically time is running out. I felt the same way for a couple of years.
But if it’s not what he wants, focus on the two lovely children whom you have. 💐

Thanks for sharing that, appreciate it!

OP posts:
Iocainepowder · 05/08/2025 19:43

I think YABVVU to call him selfish.

It’s perfectly acceptable to change your mind about such a life-altering decision that you originally discussed a long time ago.

Kids are HARD and it’s ok to decide actually, you don’t want to go through the early years again.

Original poster
Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:45

MrsLizzieDarcy · 05/08/2025 19:39

It's pretty tough to accept your baby days are over OP, especially when you want to share that experience with your new husband. It's perfectly normal to struggle to take that on board and let the visions you had in your head go.

It's good he can be that honest with you, and that he's a good stepdad.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, appreciated!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:48

AnnaMagnani · 05/08/2025 19:40

How old is your daughter? Kids asking for a sibling tend to think it will either be a) a cute real dolly or b) a fully formed best friend.

If you asked her if she'd like to share a room and go on less holidays she'd probably be less keen.

She is 12 but her opinion is irrelevant for this decision. Just wanted to say that I don't think the half sibling would be a situation here. We are well off and there wouldn't be any felt compromises for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mahoganyflower · 05/08/2025 19:55

Zanatdy · 05/08/2025 19:34

I agree that he is entitled to change his mind. Why does it mean he doesn’t love you? As he isn’t prepared to do what you want? He is raising your two DC as his own. It is so expensive now so he’s clearly being sensible in not wanting to add additional responsibility. Afraid you’re going to have to accept it, or leave.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Dunno, he doesn't seem to care about how I feel. I was upfront with him from the start. He has no financial responsibility towards my children. I am not planned to leave him but just continuing as if nothing happened is also not possible right now. I have scheduled counseling, hope I can get over this. Thanks again

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 05/08/2025 19:59

@Mahoganyflower Did he tell you from you met, planned to marry that he wanted kids . ? When did he start delaying ? Do you think he’s always known . If you had no kids people would be saying he is a future faker.
Im not sure how I’d feel now if I was you .
It appears he has strung you along z ado you think this is the case or that he simply changed his mind . Maybe he sees your kids like his own and has been with you for all the responsibilities and feels as they growing a little it be time for you both .
I think deep down only you or even he knows the answer .
He is going to have to be a bit more open with you and talk about when/why he changed his mind .