Dealing with constant emotional emotional and verbal abuse.

[Jane370]

My partner has become increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive towards me I cant go a day without him. Starting an argument over something minior calling me derogatory names or raising his voice .I'm called a f ing spastic a cxxt an idiot retard the other day he called me fat he threatens to cheat on me .He causes scenes in front of neighbors and bad mouths me .

if I tell him to leave my home he starts abusing me over messages or calling multiple times on private numbers he's even gone as far to make fake Facebook profiles to abuse me he never apologises for anything and blames me so it's always my fault for him saying these things and he calls me the abusive one .

It's begining to take it's toll on my mental health and I'm suffering from anxiety and panic attacks and my self esteem is rock bottom .

He keeps saying things like no one cares about me I have no family because they have passed away.

I'm trying to make a plan to leave but I'm struggling where to begin .

People saying tell him not come over he will still come he will sit outside he will even go and sit round corner if that fails he drags his family and friends into it and gets them to call me on private numbers to prove I'm the issue not him.

Tell this to the Police not to Mumsnet. If he and his family think you're the abusive one, great, they must also think he's better off without you.

Tell him clearly never to visit. Record that with a date and time. Then call the police when he visits. He'll soon get fed up.

A few weeks of hassle and you'll be free.

I got a camera but he noticed it I also keep screenshots of abuse he sends on message and WhatsApp .

in his world I'm the problem everyone sees it even the neighbors ...his words

He shouted out in the street the other day I was using drugs. and tells people I'm mentally ill.

Fine, let him think that. Just make sure he stops visiting you, and there is a clear way to stop him.

In a few weeks it will be history.

He doesn't stop he gets other people involved to bully and manipulate hence how it isn't as simple as involving police cos he just gets his minions to carry on .

That's why I feel so hopeless

I got a camera but he noticed it

Good. Get some more. Change the locks. Change your phone number. Call the police if he turns up at the house.

You have control over how you react to his behaviour. You are not powerless. Contact Womens' Aid, or other agencies referred to above for support.

Start with Women’s aid they see this every day of the week. They can advise you. He is just a common garden bully. You are not a child you now have far more tactics available to you than a child would and neither is he. There are remedies against these behaviours for adults.

Good. Get another one. You’ve got to call the police and ask to speak to somebody trained in domestic abuse. Call Women’s Aid. I will also post another link that I’ve give to another poster today. It’ll help you be proactive. Lock the doors so he can’t come in for a start. Put the key in too. Front and back, whatever your set up is.

I’ll link Flows in a separate post.

https://www.flows.org.uk/support-for-women/legal-support-options

Change the locks and leave any of his belongings outside. Block him on everything, plus any of his evil minions.

Call your phone company and explain your situation and ask for a new number.

If he turns up and causes a disturbance, you call the police, every single time.

It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to justify ending it, to anybody outside of yourself. If he was a the Prince of princes you can still end it. It doesn’t matter how he appears. You don’t have to be with him!

did you say you ask him to leave YOUR house? If this is your home, you can tell him to leave, and stick to it.

all the other stuff - is him creating noise. Making you feel useless so you don’t have the confidence to see it through. You don’t have to live your life like this. xxxx

Have you even tried to report to the police? From your replies it sounds like you haven't but you've decided that they won't help you. Why not report, then if nothing changes at least you will have tried and all you will have lost is some of your time.

Agree you need to call the police, change the locks, get a restraining order, security camera, domestic abuse support, he's a danger to you.so what if he gets his minions to do his dirty work, tell the police. Get a new phone, block and don't answer any calls, use messages only, delete your FB page. BT have a blocking service.

OP, it's good that you have your own home. But you need help to regain control of it.

Call the police and ask to speak to someone about domestic abuse. They will talk you through the steps you need to take.

One step is to stop calling this man your partner.

Best of luck.

OP the Police are well aware of disabled people especially being "cuckoo'd" which is what this piece of shit is doing.

Ring the Police and tell them EVERYTHING including he gets others to join in with his abuse.

He is just using you and your home. He doesn't care about you at all. These bastards are expert in picking out vulnerable people that they can move in on. You've been targeted by him and his mates. Time to fight back and reclaim your life.

Ring the Police now. Change your locks. If he rings hang up, change your number. If he lurks outside ring the Police every time because he's trying to intimidate you.

Tell your neighbours about it - if they're decent people they will.look out for you.

Be brave and tackle this, because the only person who can change this is you with the law on your side.

If you do nothing then this is your life until you die or he decides to move onto someone else because you're no more use to.him.

That was the term I was looking for, that’s exactly what he’s doing and the police will hopefully come down hard on him.

Disabled women are more likely to suffer abuse than able-bodied women, and there are already too many able-bodied women getting abused. For disabled women it is absolutely terrifying.
OP, the plus point here is your home is yours and I bet your neighbours knew you prior to you meeting this man. I bet they don’t take anything he says seriously.
Women’s Aid are fantastic.
If I were you, I would go to my GP first. I am disabled and totally understand how vulnerable you feel.
Start keeping a written diary. You don’t have to have actual paper. Set up a new email address and email yourself. Your local council should be able to offer support, as should social services.
This man has targeted you because you are in a vulnerable position. He sounds unhinged as do all of the people he is involving.
I know you don’t feel like it, but please take a small step. Ring your GP and explain to them what you’ve told us here - you have detailed what has going on very clearly,
And, if you can, speak to your neighbour again. Hopefully they will be able to put other neighbours in the picture.
He is bullying you and it’s despicable. Decent people don’t behave like this and most are only in nodding terms with a partner’s neighbours. I am sure they feel uneasy around him don’t be fooled by him.

Just read your previous thread @Jane370 he is a violent cocaine user. Please get some help. You can keep posting here but you need real-life support. This man has also physically threatened you. Get the police involved.

OP, I love the hive mind going on here. Take strength from it, one step at a time. It sounds like Women’s Aid and the police are two resources you need to use. You’ve every right to be protected. We are here for you. Yes we are random strangers but it’s real.

Has gas lighted me this evening a car pulled up on my driveway he told me it was a mutual friend when they have 2 different cars colours makes.When I asked who car it was he became angry and shouted abhse he's told me im crazy I'm gaslighting and lying and he threatened to smash house up .

Don't talk to him. Don't ask him questions. Don't answer questions.

Tell him by text you want no more contact of any kind. Keep a record of it.

After that call the police every single time he contacts you. (Or anyone contacts you on his behalf.) The police will give no him "Words of advice" and he will stop. In the unlikely event he doesn't stop they will stop him.

Do that and in two weeks this will all be a bad dream.

Call adult social services because you are disabled, call the police, go to court and get a restraining order

So you called the police and had the locks changed? OP, this isn’t going to stop until you start taking some action and seeking help. He cannot get in if you change the locks and in the meantime, you leave a key in so he can’t get in. You call the police every single time he turns up and seek an injunction (police will help). We’ve all put links here and resources of organisations that will help you stop this. Until you actually do something, he’s not going to stop.

You need to get yourself into the position where he's not got the ability to gaslight you, or otherwise. To do this you need to take action, see all the posts above.

He is not going to go away on his own, you are going to need to get some help with this. Is he or are his mates using your property for something? Are you giving him money?

What do you think you should do if he threatens to smash your house up?

Abusive people, male or female, usually do have a "nice bloke"/"nice woman" persona which they switch on and off according to who they're dealing with. What you need to do urgently is develop an "ice cold bitch" persona because this man has been abusing you and taking advantage of your kindness and it needs to stop now. For starters, call a locksmith and get your locks changed. Send him a text saying the relationship is over and you do not want to hear from him again, take a screenshot of this to save to your 'phone then block his number. If he parks himself on your doorstep, call the police. If he parks himself on your street, let him, it's his time he's wasting. Don't answer any mobile phone numbers you don't recognise. Let the call go unanswered then block every one of them. If the caller leaves a voicemail, don't subject yourself to their nonsense, just delete it immediately. Block him on social media. Don't worry about what the neighbours think, they don't know the real him as you do. You've confided in one neighbour which is great, hopefully that neighbour will put the others straight. Speak to your GP and ask for some counselling. Your self-esteem is probably in the gutter right now but you can recover from this and come back wiser and stronger.

I would say that most people will know he's a bastard. He sounds like he thinks he's hiding it but he really is not.

I have severe health issues. As I got worse, my own family and ex treat me with such disrespect and unacceptable behaviour. So I have cut them all off. I have gone no contact with abusive sibling over 18 months. Parent is exceptional low contact and not allowed in my home. Ex is very low contact and blocked except emails due to co parent arrangements.

Unfortunately, you are a target for abusers if you're vulnerable like this. It has shocked me how hideous people can be when there's a more vulnerable person they can abuse.

Family often enable them. They will be as messed up as him.

You need a door cam set up. Go to the GP and tell them everything ( a female ideally). Tell the Police immediate that you are being terrorised and fear for your safety. You are a vulnerable adult and there will be a requirement to help you here. You have evidence.

Womens Aid will give you the best advice. Keep all the messages.

He is lying to you to make you stop chucking him out and telling him to fuck off.

I imagine there's a scheme that could help with security in your home that the Police can support. I had locks recently changed at a cost of £90. Not cheap but you need this guy never coming back.