Husband not sharing the load - how do I make him listen?

[WildAmberDreamer]

So our daughter just turned 1 and I would say for the last few months I’ve been doing everything - bedtimes, mealtime, poo explosions, nap time - and it’s really starting to weigh on me as I feel I never get a break.

I told my husband how I feel to which we got in a disagreement about how it’s my job. For reference, my actual job is a teacher and he likes to constantly mention the fact that we don’t all get six weeks off over summer to “just chill”. This is where my problem is,
im not chilling. I barely have time to eat or have a wee most days because she’s such a busy baby.

I always say yes to everything he wants to do from watching tv, to what takeaway we get and just go along with it all. In all honesty, I have no hobbies or interests because they’ve been lost, I just don’t have time because I’m always looking after baby. I always try to ensure he can watch his sports, or walk the dog and chill whilst I take care of the baby.

My husband, admittedly, has an extremely stressful job and is always stressed and tired but so am I - he just doesn’t let me feel it and bring it back to all this “time off” that I have. He does do a lot of other jobs around the house but also complains about the mess I leave - because I don’t get chance to tidy it because I’m doing everything for the baby!

Long story short, how do I get him to listen to me and recognise that yes I am off a lot but not exactly just having a party or sleeping in; yes I am a mother, but when do I get to watch what I want or just do something I enjoy?

It just always ends up in an argument because I tolerate so much and snap.

Sometimes when my cleaner came I handed her the baby and got on with the cleaning

tiny children are so relentless, and every day is Groundhog Day - even the cleaning felt like a refreshing change

so I get what you say about the imbalance, OP. Everything needs to be mixed up a bit, for a start, so that he does more baby stuff while you cook or dog walk, and then you need to get some time to yourself to re-awaken your zest for life

I'm a teacher myself and if funds allow I'd have more than term time childcare. There was very little term time only childcare when my DD was a baby so to begin with we had 3 days year round (later 4). When those fell into school.holidays I'd use them to get things done or do things for myself.

DH did a day's childcare every week too, so on nursery days in the holidays we'd occasionally go out to lunch.

I also signed him up to a dads and babies church Saturday group once a month (there was no requirement to be religious and they were nice people who 'got it'). Those Saturdays we'd go out in the evening.

I also belonged to a gym with a creche.

If you don't have much support around you it's worth looking to see what's out there.

Why is pointing out the obvious making her feel worse.

You have no idea what my husband does as a job. He is simply doing the bare minimum as a father. What I was pointing out is that she is a single married woman. Her husband is lazy and uncaring. Why is he not doing anything with his child? It is selfish and men like that don’t to change.