Partners debt…what to do

[DeeDee20]

Hello.
i have a mortgage with my partner and toddler son. Working part time, not married.
i knew my partner was in debt as over the past 5 years he’s managed to buy 2 big cars when he earns a standard wage. I estimate 50k in debt.
over the last few months Im having to step up more with money and can see he’s struggling. It came to a head last night when he admitted it. He wants to use the equity on the house to pay it off. There’s approx £110k equity.
we have a joint mortgage and he put 100% of the deposit down which was half the house. He says he wants to use that money to pay his debt.
Can the debt just be paid off through the house? I’m clueless sorry

Tell him to sell his excessive car, and pay down his debt. Buy himself a £1k runaround, or get the bus for the next year. And he has to be transparent in terms of finances in future.

He is not reliable or honest, and will do the same again in future. He is a disaster waiting to happen. I would be seriously considering selling the house, taking my half and buying a flat for myself & my dc.

But only if he is going to take full responsibility to pay the additional mortgage costs as otherwise OP is helping him with his debt that he was not honest about.

Like others, I think this bodes very ill for the future and OP should really cut and run.

Assuming the toddler is his, my answer would be absolutely not. Do not risk your and your son’s home for him to pay off his debt, he clearly hasn’t changed and will simply run it up again until you are destitute. Yes, that’s not “fair” in terms of his deposit if it were just the two of you, but a child changes everything.

Totally, TOTALLY this!! Don’t do it, @DeeDee20

If you let him do this, YOU will be jointly responsible for the entire mortgage, whereas now the debt is wholly in his name.

In any event, he’ll just start running up the cards and taking out loans again.

He is financially responsible and he will not change.

You are vulnerable. You need to get back to work full time and prepare to leave him. I am not saying this lightly, but he will ruin himself financially and drag you along with him if you stay.

You take him down to your local CAB (or other free debt advice charity) to see a debt advisor. Hearing the plain truth from an outsider will hit his brain cells harder than anything you say to him.

Thank you all.
yes this is what I plan to do so he can hear it from the professionals

Do you really think that your so called partner will talk to the CAB?. Think again. He likely thinks he knows better than anyone else and he is unlikely to listen to you in any event. And what are you going to do in the likely event he willl not talk to them?. You cannot go on burying your head in the sand as you have done. You've sleepwalked your way into this and what he's planning will just put you in deeper strife.

Other posters are right; you are vulnerable and you need to up your hours to go full time with a view to leaving him. He will always be a millstone around your neck and is more than happy to drag you down with him.

Sorry you are going through this.

You mention he put 100% of the deposit down on the house when you first purchased it. Did this deposit amount to the £50k he now wants to remortgage the house for? If so, I guess he could remortgage the house to clear the debt and make the additional payments on the mortgage. If not, then I would seriously reconsider against remortgaging because in the event of you both separating you would be responsible for having to pay back that debt too (meaning you have lost £25,000 of your money). And believe you me he will not be honest enough to say he taken out £50,000 to cover his own debt. I have to say he is being very cute on his own part and only saddling you with a debt that you would not have incurred.

Get him to sell the cars that will generate money to cover the some of the debt and then renegotiate the outstanding loan payments to something more manageable.

I'm not sure this is right because they are his kids, he needs to protect them.

Before I did anything I would insist on seeing his credit record to see exactly what he owes and to who as you are now financially connected to him with a mortgage and kids. He hasn't been honest about his finances until now so I think you need clarity on this before you make any decisions.

Thinking about this, and sorry to be depressing but, if he takes ALL the equity and then walks, that leaves you and the kids in the house, and then you would have to buy him out? I'd maybe let him have his original deposit back but nothing more as that would leave you in a very precarious financial situation if he walks away.

Only you know if its a good relationship otherwise, but is you have any doubts about him, then do not do it. The equity in the house could be the difference between you being able to stay in the house with the kids if he walks.

i knew my partner was in debt as over the past 5 years he’s managed to buy 2 big cars when he earns a standard wage

This is the behaviour or a stupid clown who is more concerned about ‘show’ than keeping his family out of debt

He sounds like my father

That deposit money is his, he will spend it over and over again and will never ever see the ridiculousness of his position, will.nevr acknowledge the damage he has done

Do whatever it is you need to do for you to understand the full impact of his actions. Any good debt advisory service will be able to help explain it all to you

Now you know you need to act to protect yourself. Good luck

This man isn't going to change, or he would have done the first time he got into foolish debt as a very young adult. He also would not want to risk the home of his partner and child if he were in any way planning on reforming.

Unless you want this kind of thing happening for the rest of your life, end the relationship, sell the house and split the equity 50/50. If you can afford it, pay him back his deposit out of that. If you can't, treat the money as child support, cos I'm betting you won't see much money from him in future.