Can a relationship work if two people are so different?

[Mintyandrefreshing]

I’ve been seeing a new man for the past 3 months, and as time has passed, it’s become clear that we have quite different personalities.

We get along really well, share the same sense of humor, laugh a lot, and can talk for hours. However, our interests and views on life and various subjects differ significantly. He mentioned that he appreciates our differences, as it allows us to explore new experiences together. To be honest, I’m not as adventurous as he is when it comes to trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone can be a challenge for me. I tend to be more introverted, while he is definitely more outgoing.

Here are a few examples -

He enjoys beach holidays with clubs, water parks, and jet skis, while I prefer city breaks or staying in the countryside.

He likes to go out for drinks at least twice a month, whereas I don’t drink often, usually just on special occasions.

He’s eager to get married, but I’m not bothered about it (though I would for the right person)

I want to have kids, but he’s uncertain (he did mention that if he were in a stable relationship, he would consider it, so it’s not completely off the cards)

We also hold different political beliefs.

The latest discussion was about our sex life. He takes the lead in the bedroom, and I’m more submissive, which works well for us. The sex has been great. However, he’s much kinkier than I am and asked how I would feel about being spat on and slapped during sex. I told him that it’s not something I’m into. He respected my answer and didn’t push further, but I sensed he might have been a bit disappointed (I’m open to exploring some things, but I know I won’t change my mind on that)

I understand that some of these points may seem minor, but it gives you an idea. My feelings for this man are growing significantly, yet I’m also aware of the challenges a long term relationship might face given our differences. He doesn’t seem to mind, but I’m not sure I can compromise on so many things. They say that opposites attract, but is that really the case?

More so than kissing? How?
(I'm not condoning spitting as a kink. Just wondering how it is more unhygienic than a kiss.)

The spitting would be the end for me.. that some deep rooted porn use right there .. like I don’t remember any guy ever mentioning it before the proliferation of porn. Spanking has always been a thing and would bother me less. Spitting shows deep level disrespect and humiliation of the person you are doing it to.. would be a hard hard no from me.

He enjoys spitting on a woman and slapping her during sex. Why on earth doesn’t that put you right off in itself. It tells you all you need to know. Other than that you’re totally incompatible.

It’ll be choking and pissing on you in 3 months. Honestly that’s fucking weird, get shot of him.

She’s joking

I think it might end up not working. Politics would be a big one for me. I couldn't respect someone who supported a self centred kind of politics. Interests can be different but it's a lot less lonely if you like similar things. Children is a big deal breaker. If he's not sure and you are, I wouldn't waste time waiting to find out. The slapping and spitting would put me right off. It doesn't say to me that he respects women or knows what a normal relationship looks like.

I’ve had happy relationships with men who were very different from me, and yours sounded fine to me, OP, until I reached he asked how I would feel about being spat on and slapped during sex.

Instant massive red flag. I know fashions change in sex as in everything else. But normalising abuse and contempt for women is not a game. Jesus wept. What is in men’s minds when they do this?

Misogynists have done a number on the generation of women who have grown up accepting men strangling and spitting on them. The men have also been tricked into believing this is fine. I slept with quite a lot of men in the 1970s-1990s, and I never heard of this, either in my own experience or my friends’.

Apart from that major point, your man sounds fine: honest and willing to compromise. He has accepted your refusal (for now, anyway). I would have a serious conversation and try to work out if he is just going along with what he thinks is normal sex play, or if he has a genuine wish to degrade women — in which case, I would bin him at once.

Not even taking into consideration the other issues you’ve raised, he wants to spit on and slap you? I would run for the hills!

He likes spitting on and slapping women....what a catch.😬

No! This is a complete "no no". Get away now.

I wouldn't want to spit on the most vile human on this whole earth. I can't imagine wanting to with someone I am intimate with.

That's got porn reenactment written all over it.

Seriously? No snogging then???

There's no way I could be with a man who had different political beliefs to me, never mind the rest.

My partner and I are worlds apart.
Im from a really quiet place in the highlands of Scotland, I grew up pretty much outdoors by lochness, I had a lovely childhood, very sheltered and am a complete daddy’s girl. I love grunge and heavy music, I live in vans and band T-shirts and everything Halloween and creative things are me!
My partner is mixed race, grew up on a really rough estate in NW London, witnessed all sorts, had a single mum, lots of siblings, no dad, he loves rap music, fast cars and designer brands

We get on like a house on fire, we always laugh, we’re always together, hate being apart, we have different beliefs, he has faith and I do not, we don’t push each other to come round to the others thinking, we also like very different movies, but he’s shown me his faves and I’ve shown him mine and we get great laughs ripping each others tastes

honestly, if you can make it work, then go for it x

As others have said, the desire to want to spit and slap you would be a deal breaker for me. He obviously watches a lot of porn and has no respect for women, I couldn’t consider being in a relationship with someone like that.

Spit? Christ on a bike.

Spitting?

Ugh🤮he could fuck right off. If any man gobbed on me l’d be off like shit off a shovel. How is ‘spitting’ respectful?🤢

He wanted to know if it was ok with you, to spit on you and slap you during sex?

christ sake, run a fucking mile OP!!!

This doesn’t sound like a runner (the slapping and spitting would make me run a mile!) Generally, I think a relationship can succeed if you are very different- my DH and I are wildly different, he’s the most introverted person I know and I’m a huge extrovert and we don’t actually have any interests or hobbies in common. This works for us because we’re both quite independent- I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who wanted to do everything together, I need my space and he’s the same. My sister, while recognising that we’re both very happy, says that she couldn’t cope with a relationship where she and her partner did so much separately and wants to be with her DH all the time, similarly I couldn’t cope with being joined at the hip. Horses for courses.

However, imo a relationship can’t work if your VALUES don’t align. DH and I may be very different but our values are the same. On the things that matter, I know that he will have exactly the same take on things as I do. For this reason, we virtually never argue. Things like getting married, having kids etc can’t be compromised on either, you either do them or you don’t so someone is going to end up unhappy.

Oh No. Sounds like he has a serious porn habit. It would certainly be a massive red red flag for me - I’d run, immediately. It’ll be choking next. Honestly, I don’t think women realise how dangerous a porn addiction is Men become unable to be satisfied by ‘normal’ sex. And the different politics thing is also a huge obstacle to a relationship, especially if the difference is extreme or one or both of you are deeply invested in political matters. I think you know deep down this is not going to work out well.

Ugh, I’m so sick of these gross men whose kinks always seem to involve degrading and humiliating women.

Are there any normal men left?

He'll say all the right things for now, asking to spit on you and spank you so early on shows that's a need for him, not just a want.

It escalated quickly from spitting on you to spitting in your mouth, to peeing on you etc. Get out now OP.

The whole point of dating is to figure out if you're compatible and you're clearly not.

You're already worried about letting him down, which will continue as he demands more and more.

Completely incompatible. Dont pursue this any further. The spitting is disgusting. I’m surprised you need to ask.

Can't go into detail rn but my DP and I are chalk and cheese and we've been together for 15 years

He wants to spit on you and slap you and you are worried about letting him down? What the hell is this, get out now and find your self respect. Spitting is not sexy or loving. WTF. Dump him asap.