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Original poster

New partners talking to other women on holiday?

32 replies

Pearley94 · 30/07/2025 08:20

ladies

would this annoy you? New partner was drunk and told me he’d been talking to girls on his recent holiday with his friends and it made him realise how happy he is with me. I ignored it as he was drunk but was playing on my mind through the night.

he went away with people quite a bit younger than him and all single.

next day I expressed that it upset me. His response was that it was just general conversation with these girls and do I expect him to go and sit in a corner on his own.

my response to that was that I understand that general conversations are going to take place which is fine, but to spend all night with a group of girls and not mention once that you have a girlfriend is a bit strange to me.

he said sorry and we left it there. Expect I haven’t left it there. It’s now continuously playing on my mind that a grown man is abroad talking to groups of women whilst I’m at home.

call me too loyal but if a group of men were talking to me and my friends for quite some time, at some point I’d drop in the fact that I have a partner.

am I over reacting to this? I’d like to talk about it again but he’s over it and says we’ve left it and not to drag it back up.

OP posts:

Quitelikeit · 30/07/2025 08:24

So he is saying it made him realise how much he likes you as I suppose he didn’t have to urge to get with one of these girls

You don’t simply announce to company that you have a partner either

And I agree with him - he’s going away with a group of young single men, what do you think they are going to be doing? Not seeking out other men to hang with for sure.

At that age and on holidays abroad most young men only have one goal on their mind!

Cutleryclaire · 30/07/2025 08:27

If they’re spending the night chatting as a group and he doesn’t do anything, that’s just normal socialising right? You don’t stop speaking to the opposite sex when you’re in a relationship. Especially if the rest of the group want to spend time together.

Talking to groups of strangers bores the tits off me, but if I was with a group that wanted to, then you just get in with it, unless you take yourself home. You can’t dictate what the others do.

Vintagenow · 30/07/2025 08:30

I think it would be weird to just randomly mention to a group of people you just met that you have a partner. It suggests they must be interested in you which is rather presumptuous. I've had guys say that to me when I've been chatting and it just makes me laugh, mate we're just having a chat, I don't want to jump on your dick.

Meandmyguy · 30/07/2025 08:32

Ignore the first reply, that's a bit of a shit stirring post op.

upandleftthenright · 30/07/2025 08:32

You sound controlling. Are you?

Original poster

Pearley94 · 30/07/2025 08:33

@upandleftthenright absolutely not I’ve just made it clear in my post that I have no issues with him talking to other people as long as a line isn’t crossed. He admitted himself that he’s not always sure about when to stop and where the line is.

OP posts:

Pinty · 30/07/2025 08:34

If all he was doing was talking to them I don't see the issue.
Do you suspect it went further than talking?

Meandmyguy · 30/07/2025 08:35

I agree you sound a bit controlling op.

You're probably a little bit jealous and insecure too.

He hasn't done anything wrong here.

He basically tried to tell you that he is happy with you and not interested in other women.

upandleftthenright · 30/07/2025 08:36

Meandmyguy · 30/07/2025 08:32

Ignore the first reply, that's a bit of a shit stirring post op.

Add your advice or comment in direct response to the Op then. Dont tell Op to ignore other advice. An anonymous forum is where you’ll get a full range of feedback to consider that people who know you would pussyfoot around.

Imbusytodaysorry · 30/07/2025 08:41

@Pearley94 the issue is he is choosing to drink and holiday with younger single guys.
Moving forward he may choose to holiday with you or a different mate at a different stage in life .

Id doubt I’d be happy the idea of the person I was with spending all night chatting to random women. you can be polite then after a while remove yourself . It is a new relationship I am sure the dynamics will change .

Cinai · 30/07/2025 08:42

OP, could you have taken what he said the wrong way, e.g. he meant: ‘we were out as a group, chatting to girls and I realised that I just have zero interest in anyone but you’ but you took it as ‘I was flirting with some girls but after some consideration I thought nah, I won’t cheat on my gf’
The first one is quite sweet actually but I could see an issue with the second one.

upandleftthenright · 30/07/2025 08:42

Pearley94 · 30/07/2025 08:33

I’d be careful of not trying to teach him a set of rules to follow, if you’re tempted to do that. He’s try to give you a compliment (in a clumsy way). What is your fear, that he’s going to be unfaithful? If he’s that type then he’ll do it regardless of what you say.

Meandmyguy · 30/07/2025 08:55

@upandleftthenright I did. Have a read.

Mumlaplomb · 30/07/2025 08:59

How old are you both OP? Once you are settled in a relationship presumably he won’t be going on lads holidays with single men that much anyway?
It does sound like he was trying to say he’s very happy with you so not looking for women like his friends, but maybe it came across clumsily.

holysmokee · 30/07/2025 09:03

Okay I don’t think he’s necessarily done anything wrong, especially since he told you about it and if trustworthy I’d think it was quite nice.

On the other hand everyone saying you shouldn’t drop their partner into conversations, I’d absolutely disagree. I mention my husband within about 0.5 seconds of meeting most men, especially when there’s the chance of being hit on- it’s my get out of this conversation free card.

I must sound like such a diligent tradwife but I actually just don’t like men that much and don’t want to be bothered by them. My husband thinks it’s funny, doesn’t give a shit who tries it on. There’s a man I know who has expressed to all our mutual friends that he has a big thing for me, now every time I see him I’m holding hands with DH.

Starlight1984 · 30/07/2025 09:05

It’s now continuously playing on my mind that a grown man is abroad talking to groups of women whilst I’m at home.

What's the "grown man" got to do with anything? I'm assuming they are grown women too? And if all his mates are single and he is in a new relationship then it's not that unusual for men to be chatting to women on a lads holiday?! As long as he is respectful then not sure what the problem is?

When me and DH first got together I already had a girls holiday planned which was pretty much sun, sea and drinking. I had a brilliant time but missed DH massively and couldn't wait to get home to see him. But yes we did chat to men around the pool and out in the evenings - you can still have conversations with the opposite sex when you're in a relationship you know!

Givemestrengthanddetermination · 30/07/2025 09:07

If he is a new partner presumably this holiday was arranged while he was a single guy himself?
I would certainly not be happy if your relationship goes forward for him to chose to continue to go on holiday with these younger single guys.
I don't know what age you and he are but the fact you call these women " girls" would worry me because presumably they were very young if you are calling them that.
I would also be concerned that when he was drunk he was obviously thinking about these women/ girls and they were on his mind otherwise he wouldnt have told you about them.
Personally I would be a bit wary going forward and very wary, especially if he continues to socialise with these younger single guys. And also be a bit wary of his drinking unless him being drunk on this occasion was a real one off.

Gingercar · 30/07/2025 09:11

Meandmyguy · 30/07/2025 08:32

Ignore the first reply, that's a bit of a shit stirring post op.

I think the first comment is sensible!

OP you talk about crossing a line - what line was crossed? He just talked to people (female). He didn’t snog them! And he told you it made him realise how great you are and how much he likes you. Now you’re turning all that into something negative in your head.

Endofyear · 30/07/2025 09:19

He hasn't done anything wrong, he was just chatting to another group of holiday makers! Surely you must have realised that if he goes away with a bunch of singles, they will as a group be chatting with other women? He would probably have said he's got a girlfriend if asked - it's a bit odd to expect him to announce it to any woman he talks to!

Flyswats · 30/07/2025 09:22

Do you suspect he cheated and this is his attempt to say sorry without admitting it?

GreyCarpet · 30/07/2025 09:23

Given what you've described, OP, I can understand why you feel that way but I think it's insecurity rather than him having done anything wrong.

In your shoes, I might think, "Hm, he didn't mention me to those women he was talking to." But then I put myself in the same shoes. If I were on a night out and my friends and I started talking to a group of men, would I announce that I had a partner? And, tbh, I wouldn't. I might drop it in if I felt one of them was showing more interest than I'd like but otherwise, no.

I think there's also a bit of insecurity about the fact he was on holiday having fun while you were at home. Well, tbh, that's pretty normal. If I went on holiday without my partner, I'd expect to be having more fun than he was having at home. Otherwise, what's the point of going on holiday?

And, finally, I think he was trying to pay you a compliment and reassure you or maybe was just being honest. I've certainly been out without my partner and seen the glut of men on offer and felt thankful that I have him and am not out there wading through the cesspit of drunks on a night out 😉 I might even have told him too. He just laughs. He doesn't quiz me on why I was talking to men on a night out.

As for people suggesting he shouldn't be getting drunk on holiday or talking to groups of women or going away with single friends. Life just doesn't work like that. He can't drop his friends because he's got a girlfriend and they haven't yet. Most people like to have drink on holiday. Or even just generally. It doesn't make it a problem or them alcoholics. And women exist in the world. We can't campaign for women's rights and equal access to the world and break down the stigmas around women going out into previously male dominated places (like bars) without a male chaperone and then complain when we realise that the result of this is that other women will be in those places.

Sporadica · 30/07/2025 09:24

It depends on what he means by "talking" (it's often used as slang for hooking up, or discussion that is designed to decide whether or not to hook up) and what he means by "girls". I'd be annoyed and perhaps even concerned if he's talking to actual girls and making some mental comparison between being with them vs. being with me, unless you guys are teenagers.

Gingercar · 30/07/2025 15:28

Sporadica · 30/07/2025 09:24

I don’t understand the “unless you guys are teenagers” part, are you saying people who are happy to trust their boyfriend’s ability to talk to another female without trying to shag them are childish?? Id have said they’re the ones with mature outlooks.

Boomer55 · 30/07/2025 16:59

If he was just chatting, I can’t see a problem. It’s normal.

Missj25 · 30/07/2025 18:59

Pearley94 · 30/07/2025 08:20

ladies

he went away with people quite a bit younger than him and all single.

next day I expressed that it upset me. His response was that it was just general conversation with these girls and do I expect him to go and sit in a corner on his own.

he said sorry and we left it there. Expect I haven’t left it there. It’s now continuously playing on my mind that a grown man is abroad talking to groups of women whilst I’m at home.

call me too loyal but if a group of men were talking to me and my friends for quite some time, at some point I’d drop in the fact that I have a partner.

am I over reacting to this? I’d like to talk about it again but he’s over it and says we’ve left it and not to drag it back up.

I’d leave it aswel & not drag it back up .
Clearly OP he was in their company but was thinking to himself,” I’m glad I’m not single like the lads & have my gf to go home to “ ..
It shows how into you he is ☺️ …

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