New partners talking to other women on holiday?

[Pearley94]

ladies

would this annoy you? New partner was drunk and told me he’d been talking to girls on his recent holiday with his friends and it made him realise how happy he is with me. I ignored it as he was drunk but was playing on my mind through the night.

he went away with people quite a bit younger than him and all single.

next day I expressed that it upset me. His response was that it was just general conversation with these girls and do I expect him to go and sit in a corner on his own.

my response to that was that I understand that general conversations are going to take place which is fine, but to spend all night with a group of girls and not mention once that you have a girlfriend is a bit strange to me.

he said sorry and we left it there. Expect I haven’t left it there. It’s now continuously playing on my mind that a grown man is abroad talking to groups of women whilst I’m at home.

call me too loyal but if a group of men were talking to me and my friends for quite some time, at some point I’d drop in the fact that I have a partner.

am I over reacting to this? I’d like to talk about it again but he’s over it and says we’ve left it and not to drag it back up.

Hanging out with each other maybe?

I see 3 scenarios

1. There was no women and he's trying to get you anxious of how lucky you are
2. He genuinely meant it in a sweet way.

3 . He's downplaying something major.

What's actually got your Back up and which do you think it's most likely to be ? You can't tell him not to communicate with women or to announce you existence, you can only control your own reaction.

Maybe have a conversation with him about what you both agree is acceptable and what constitutes infidelity? You can both agree the line which shouldn’t be crossed.

My DP said something similar, not long after we'd starting dating (19 years ago). He was chatting with a woman at his local, she was coming on to him but it made him realise he definitely wanted to be with me, and he told her sorry but he has a girlfriend and he's not looking. I think it made him realise that, given other options, he was ready to be serious with me. I think of it as a good thing, especially since your DP has communicated it to you, he's realised he's serious.

Is there other behaviors op that have you feeling unsure? I'd suggest to trust your gut. That doesn't mean you necessarily have to do anything but might mean you observe his behaviour going forward.

You deserve someone who makes you feel safe and you never have to question their motives.

I’d think that if he was in a group of lads (many of which are single), it’s natural that they would be amalgamating with a group of women.

You say you would drop in that you have a partner. That’s because as women, we’re acutely aware that men talking to us in that kind of environment might have certain intentions. I don’t think men really work the same way, because women don’t tend to chat up blokes that aren’t showing them any signs. I’d expect it to come up if he was asked obviously!

You have no reason to think any nefarious happened. I’d leave it alone!

What you're doing now is looking for a magical reason why something that clearly bothers you should not bother you.

You are choosing to be with someone who is not compatible with your values instead of be single again and find a person who is.
This is a mistake because down the line he will continue to disappoint you as he simply does not view this in the way you do.

What you seek may be out there but it won't be easy to find. Yes, there are men who are loyal and would never dream of cheating. I know some! However on the whole this is not the case, and men are as faithful as their options.
You have very high expectations which is great in a way but you will have to go through quite a lot of frogs to find this prince.

If this is important to you then you need to be ready to cut men off as soon as they show you that they are not capable of meeting your expectations.

You're probably not going to do that, and I wish you all the success in finally achieving this. Or, you have my condolences that are unlikely to ever find true happiness in romantic partnership.