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Relationships

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Leave it or pursue further?

40 replies

MiniMe1892 · 29/07/2025 16:16

I have formed a good rapport with a man - this comes after he kept dishing out compliments. I took this as an acknowledgement of his attraction, so, I have returned the effort by making sure I keep up a dialogue with him, I make an effort to seek him out at work and chat to him in person. He always seems pleased to see me, has given me a hug and a kiss and we have a bit of light-hearted banter. My problem is this - he never initiates contact. It's always me going to find him, tracking him down. He doesn't "chase."

Whilst usually I would come to the conclusion that he's just not interested, I am picking up signals that he's attracted; subtle things - he'll stop what he's doing to come and talk to me, he helps out if I go to him with a problem (sometimes a made up problem lol). He makes eye contact. He's friendly and charming. I took the plunge about two weeks ago and texted him asking if he'd like to come round for a cuppa. No reply. But he may have been super busy - I know he is booked up way in advance with his work projects. I have texted him since about a work related issue and casual conversation he'll just reply with a thumbs up usually. I've seen him since too - again he stopped what he was doing to say hello and to chat. No hugs or kisses this time though. Lots of joking around as normal.

He's giving me such mixed signals I'm not sure what to do. Do I keep at it, building the relationship, maintaining contact? Do I back off and wait now for him to come to me? I am wondering if he's just very insecure, and possibly scared of rejection. He has bouts of jealousy as well around me which indicates an interest surely? I am in two minds whether to get more direct with him and just initiate a move - or be more direct and tell him I like him! Or not lol. Any thoughts welcome!

OP posts:
AlertCat · 29/07/2025 16:17

I’d back off. At this point I’d say the ball is in his court. Some people like to know they “could have” someone, but don’t want to actually do anything about it. It’s an ego boost to them.

Ademasstudio · 29/07/2025 16:18

All sounds very odd
from the start to the end tbh

Ademasstudio · 29/07/2025 16:19

I make an effort to seek him out at work

well stop behaving like that op

fthisfthatfeverything · 29/07/2025 16:20

He’s not interested. He likes that he made you interested in him.

slightlydistrac · 29/07/2025 16:20

Is he already in a relationship? Find that out asap.

Is he senior to you? Be very wary if he is in a position of power over you.

noidea69 · 29/07/2025 16:21

The big issue i think as this is in the workplace.

He probably does like you, but is worried about how it might look in work place (scared of being seen as harassing).

Dimpleu · 29/07/2025 16:23

Stop making up problems as an excuse to speak to him.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 29/07/2025 16:29

He’s hoovering you in.
He has to make zero effort as you go to him, so it’s flattering to him, but he knows he has to do nothing to gain validation.
You deliver it to him, and he enjoys being in control.
The rest - flirting, helping, faux-jealousy is all part of the game but that is all it is to him.
Stop it, and stop it right now.
If he wanted to meet you outside of work, he’d have asked you. If he felt awkward because it’s at work, then that’s a sign also.
Back off and raise your standards. Men like that see this behaviour as desperate and while they don’t turn down the attention, the person giving it to them is not a priority to them.
Just being blunt as you deserve better.

Newmummypamela · 29/07/2025 22:10

I don't see any mixed signals at all - he isn't interested in you, sorry! I'd keep it professional and cordial from now on.

MyCoralHedgehog · 29/07/2025 22:11

hes probably married and was enjoying the attention but doesn’t want to take it any further. Stay away as you will be embarrassed. If he really is single and wants you he will come to you

Enrichetta · 29/07/2025 22:14

He is just playing games and gets huge pleasure from you lapping it up and running after him.

Stop doing this. And work place relationships are rarely a good idea.

Happysummerrain · 29/07/2025 22:15

If someone is interested it wouldn’t be this complicated. From what you’ve said he’s not interested, he’s just friendly. Also he may already have a girlfriend.

PHB65 · 29/07/2025 22:16

No reply, is actually his reply. His just not that into you OP.
sorry.

Pherian · 29/07/2025 22:19

MiniMe1892 · 29/07/2025 16:16

I have formed a good rapport with a man - this comes after he kept dishing out compliments. I took this as an acknowledgement of his attraction, so, I have returned the effort by making sure I keep up a dialogue with him, I make an effort to seek him out at work and chat to him in person. He always seems pleased to see me, has given me a hug and a kiss and we have a bit of light-hearted banter. My problem is this - he never initiates contact. It's always me going to find him, tracking him down. He doesn't "chase."

Whilst usually I would come to the conclusion that he's just not interested, I am picking up signals that he's attracted; subtle things - he'll stop what he's doing to come and talk to me, he helps out if I go to him with a problem (sometimes a made up problem lol). He makes eye contact. He's friendly and charming. I took the plunge about two weeks ago and texted him asking if he'd like to come round for a cuppa. No reply. But he may have been super busy - I know he is booked up way in advance with his work projects. I have texted him since about a work related issue and casual conversation he'll just reply with a thumbs up usually. I've seen him since too - again he stopped what he was doing to say hello and to chat. No hugs or kisses this time though. Lots of joking around as normal.

He's giving me such mixed signals I'm not sure what to do. Do I keep at it, building the relationship, maintaining contact? Do I back off and wait now for him to come to me? I am wondering if he's just very insecure, and possibly scared of rejection. He has bouts of jealousy as well around me which indicates an interest surely? I am in two minds whether to get more direct with him and just initiate a move - or be more direct and tell him I like him! Or not lol. Any thoughts welcome!

If you work together you must stop this immediately.

He has clearly pulled back and isn’t being touchy feely after ignoring your invite.

By all means remain on good terms and be his friend but be very careful not to cross the line, as you may have misunderstood his intentions.

Monty27 · 29/07/2025 22:21

He's not interested. Back off before you make a complete fool of yourself.

emziecy · 29/07/2025 22:28

What mixed signals? He sounds like he's just responding to you as a colleague/human being. You sound a bit intense.

StarDolphins · 29/07/2025 22:32

He sounds like my ex. He’s got a love struck woman making all the moves and is handing herself on a plate to him (not saying that’s what you’re doing) and he has no respect for her, just picks her up and drops her week in, week out. Charmed her, love bombed her. Started a relationship with her then demoted her to FWB and she’s so hooked in and has such low self esteem, she just accepts this. They love this, it feeds their ego and validates them.

I would back right off this one.

LadyGAgain · 29/07/2025 22:36

AlertCat · 29/07/2025 16:17

I’d back off. At this point I’d say the ball is in his court. Some people like to know they “could have” someone, but don’t want to actually do anything about it. It’s an ego boost to them.

Edited

This. 100%
you're feeding his ego.
he’s just not that into you.

TwistedWonder · 29/07/2025 22:45

Please stop chasing him before you completely embarrass yourself.

Im an HR manager and giving someone a hug and kiss in work is totally inappropriate.

Just back off and keep things polite but distant - he’s a work colleague, treat him as such.

GentlemanJay · 29/07/2025 22:47

You asked him out and he didn’t respond. That’s rude.

MeganM3 · 29/07/2025 22:49

It does not sound like he is keen. It sounds like he is either being polite to your advances, or is enjoying an ego boost. Or is actually quite uncomfortable. I’m not sure, but he definitely doesn’t want to go on a date with you for whatever reason. Leave it well alone.

Cheeky19863 · 29/07/2025 23:45

He likes you as a friend and thats all. He hasnt text back which is a massive sign that hes not interested in that way

Cheeky19863 · 29/07/2025 23:49

If you keep "seeking him out" and wanting hugs and kisses one (or both) of you could end up facing a conduct from HR

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/07/2025 23:53

Are you sure he's single?

smallsilvercloud · 30/07/2025 00:40

No stop, you asked him over for a cuppa and he gave no reply, you handed it on a plate for him, please see this as rejection. Perhaps you’ve misunderstood him being friendly or at best enjoys a flirt but has zero intention of it going any further.

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