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Leave it or pursue further?

40 replies

MiniMe1892 · 29/07/2025 16:16

I have formed a good rapport with a man - this comes after he kept dishing out compliments. I took this as an acknowledgement of his attraction, so, I have returned the effort by making sure I keep up a dialogue with him, I make an effort to seek him out at work and chat to him in person. He always seems pleased to see me, has given me a hug and a kiss and we have a bit of light-hearted banter. My problem is this - he never initiates contact. It's always me going to find him, tracking him down. He doesn't "chase."

Whilst usually I would come to the conclusion that he's just not interested, I am picking up signals that he's attracted; subtle things - he'll stop what he's doing to come and talk to me, he helps out if I go to him with a problem (sometimes a made up problem lol). He makes eye contact. He's friendly and charming. I took the plunge about two weeks ago and texted him asking if he'd like to come round for a cuppa. No reply. But he may have been super busy - I know he is booked up way in advance with his work projects. I have texted him since about a work related issue and casual conversation he'll just reply with a thumbs up usually. I've seen him since too - again he stopped what he was doing to say hello and to chat. No hugs or kisses this time though. Lots of joking around as normal.

He's giving me such mixed signals I'm not sure what to do. Do I keep at it, building the relationship, maintaining contact? Do I back off and wait now for him to come to me? I am wondering if he's just very insecure, and possibly scared of rejection. He has bouts of jealousy as well around me which indicates an interest surely? I am in two minds whether to get more direct with him and just initiate a move - or be more direct and tell him I like him! Or not lol. Any thoughts welcome!

OP posts:
Enough4me · 30/07/2025 00:43

He's a flirt and you're fun to flirt with but, he's just not that into you.

JackGrealishsBobbySocks · 30/07/2025 00:56

Avoid him.

flooft · 30/07/2025 08:38

He “never initiates contact” and it’s always you going to him. The “subtle things” you’re reading as attraction - paying you a few compliments, helping with your (made up) problems, making eye contact, friendly banter - are normal behaviour for somebody being friendly and polite at work. Can’t help but wonder whether the “bouts of jealousy” are just as ‘subtle’, too.

You asked him to come round for a cuppa and he completely ignored the message, when he’d usually acknowledge in some way (albeit with a 👍, which doesn’t invite further conversation). Someone who was interested would have replied, probably quite enthusiastically. Blanking your message clears up what his feelings are.

Being more direct is a very bad idea. I’d back off OP.

Ademasstudio · 30/07/2025 08:50

JackGrealishsBobbySocks · 30/07/2025 00:56

Avoid him.

It’s the OP “seeking him out” at work!!

Ansjovis · 30/07/2025 09:36

If a man is interested, you'll know about it. The fact that you're having to write this post says that he's not. Save yourself potential embarrassment and completely back off.

Imbusytodaysorry · 30/07/2025 09:45

@MiniMe1892 you asked him out he ignored you and you plan to up the pursuit of him ?
He then replied with thumbs up (so casually) so you didn’t address the fact he ignored you date request .

He is enjoying a distraction at work some days . That’s it
Id stop any pursuit of this man or any attention i was putting his way

Lights22 · 30/07/2025 13:49

As with everyone else here, and to use your words: leave it.

He's not interested. He doesn't seek you out. He didn't reply to your invitation. All other replies are just thumbs up. He's made it really clear he is not interested in that way.

Laura95167 · 30/07/2025 20:51

Tbh i think "round for a cuppa" might have been a bit much for a man you've not dated yet who may or may not have been confused as to whether you meant a friendly cuppa, a flirty cuppa or sex

If i liked him Id maybe suggest lunch at work or a drink after work somewhere neutral. And if he ignores, or dismisses you id leave it.

Mrsttcno1 · 30/07/2025 20:55

Goodness me OP you really need to back off here. He’s not only not chasing but is actively ignoring your advances- he’s not interested.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/07/2025 21:22

I dont think this is the OP's first post on this

Ademasstudio · 30/07/2025 21:25

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/07/2025 21:22

I dont think this is the OP's first post on this

Me neither

in fact I think there’s been quite a few

this op clearly has issues, quite serious ones, and she would be wise to stop “seeking out” this colleague. Pronto

Sassybooklover · 30/07/2025 21:48

Back off. You invited him for a cuppa, and he didn't bother to reply - he's not interested. He's reeled you in, enjoyed gaining your attention and now he's got it, he's lost interest. I'd be polite at work, but stop seeking him out, unless you genuinely need to speak to him in a professional manner. If he suddenly starts giving you attention again, then you have your answer, he likes the attention but has no interest in pursuing a relationship with you.

desiderata328 · 30/07/2025 21:53

There is not even the remotest chance he’s interested. Really try to imagine how you’d feel if someone you fancied texted you to ask you out on a date. You’d reply, right? No matter how busy you were, you would reply.

JillyGiraffe · 30/07/2025 22:04

I’m sorry to say that I don’t think he’s interested. I’m sure he could have spared just one minute to reply to your invitation but he chose not to. In the office he’s just being friendly, and might even enjoy being flirtatious. I used to work with a few men who would go around and chat to different women during the day - it was like they were doing a round!

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 31/07/2025 07:57

Ademasstudio · 30/07/2025 21:25

Me neither

in fact I think there’s been quite a few

this op clearly has issues, quite serious ones, and she would be wise to stop “seeking out” this colleague. Pronto

It is very familiar.

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