ex husband

[DRESSMEUP]

can you ever be friends with yr ex husband when dc involved?

yup

I am, can't imagine not being, we do have a kid together and I would hate for her to grow up thinking her parents hate each other.

oh, he is a complete tosser a lot of the time but it's all water under the bridge now, isn't it? I mean you don't have to live with them any more!

that would be nice, but he is remarried and she makes it difficult

I think lots of people manage it ok. I would have been, ans tried to be, but alas exDH was a twunt.

how does his new wife make things difficult?

ok dressmeup, haven't experienced remarriage yet, guess that makes things a lot different.

but if you both want to be friends then you should be, for dc's (and cos it's nicer to be nice than nasty, innit? )

she belittles me to my children and him... always putting me down. when the dc ask him to phone me about something, she says he is to text me only!

harpomarx.... we were friends before new wife.....

ooh, she sounds like a nasty controlling bit of work dressmeup! and very insecure!

how ridiculous for kids to see an adult behaving like this.

a lot of people say she must be insecure... but i dont know why... i left him, so she knows i dont want him.

she might feel less insecure if she felt he didn't want yoy - if he'd left you...

how long have they been married and how are the dc with her

4 yrs. the dc seem to really like her, but they think she is strict, and they say my ex dh just does everything she wants for a quiet life.

youcannotbeserious is right, she is probably insecure because she believes (rightly or wrongly) that he is still interested.

i dont think he can be... he has got a child with her now, and whenever i see him or try to speak to him, he wont look me in the eye, and cant seem to wait to get rid of me.

then maybe it's not her. maybe it's him?

my DH hates having to deal with his ex becase she's always ranting about something (not saying you do that)

maybe it is him, and i need to accept we will never get on.

can you not talk via e-mail or text?

How old are your dc?

we do the odd text. my dc are 9 and 7

i think all you can try and do is minimise conflict.

DH tries to do most by e-mail because that way there is some sort of record - we lurch from one weekend to the next never knowing what time pick ups are (2 kids and always two pick up times) or what activities are going on.

Often (like last weekend) will not be told of changes until we'ew already at the original pick up point!!!

but there again, i think dh's ex thrives on conflict!!

I can't, no.

It's best to keep the co-parent relationship as civil as possible: try to think of the other parent as something like a cousin. He/she is a family member (like it or not, you are co-parents of a child so you are family) you have to put up with and be polite to (and polite about when the DC can hear you, not good for DC to hear one parent slag the other off).

If the other partner has been violent, sexually abused the DC or stolen lots of money from you then obviously it's a differnt matter but if it was just a case of your couple-relationship coming to an end then civility is the way to do.

I can be civil, but it took a while

Sorry dress me up, I think if he won't look you in the eye he may feel embarrassed or humilated, or resentment perhaps, especially if you decided to end it.

In Wuthering Heights (bear with me) Cathy decides to dump Heathcliff and marry someone else, but she she still wants to be friends with Heathcliff. He says something like

"I had a palace which you have torn down, and now offer me a hovel in its place. And for that you expect me to be grateful?"

I really identified with this. I'm not sure what the emotion is, but its the reason I can't be friends with xh. Do you think it might be why your xh can't be friends with you?

I knew what I meant at the time, but now that post makes no sense at all - even to me.

I supppose just 'being friends' is a poor substitute and not what he wanted, but you can't understand his rejection of your friendship because you don't feel the way he feels, perhaps? (Sorry if way off the mark here).

We do brilliantly when it comes to the boys thank goodness. Different matter when it comes to the Child Support mind you. Luckily we seem to have got the friendship back we lost thank goodness.

hi back again... thanks for all your messages... makes a bit more sense i suppose... i think i will just try and keep a low profile, and just interact when required....