Am I overreacting to this?

[Emanerz]

I lost someone close in horrible circumstances a few days ago. A friend who knows reached out which was kind but then said they’d had a really tough week as they had witnessed a stranger slip and fall in front of them and badly hurt themself. I get that’s horrible but also it feels a bit attention seeking. If that’s what they count as a horrible week I just can’t engage!

Are they usually attention seeking?

they are a good friend but I have noticed they can be a bit, yes

hopeful bump!

Honestly, you are over reacting a bit yes. A bad accident could really upset a witness of it, and your friends feelings are valid.
However, it's also a bit insensitive of them to suggest they've had a bad week when you're currently dealing with your situation.
It's also understandable you're feeling this way, you're probably dealing with shock and grief but to name a few emotions, so it's normal to be more sensitive during this time.

I wouldn't take it to heart as I'm sure your friend didn't mean it in a way to cause upset. They were more likely trying to empathise with you.

Thank you, I needed that. I think I’m grumpy because I’m just not the right audience at this time and it feels tone deaf to be fair.

I think your situation definitely sounds worse. But just because you have had an understandably terrible week and deserve every sympathy for it...and as long as they were kind, (are they normally a "one upperer" type person?, if so justifiably to be miffed), they probably did find the stranger getting hurt /whatever it was upsetting . As long as they weren't nasty to you, and tried to reach out /were kind ignore it. Just concentrate on your own wellbeing , be kind to yourself and move on. Hugs.

It does sound insensitive. They may genuinely have witnessed that and be shaken but you are obviously not the person to say it to at the moment. Some people like attention, to one up, are self centred or don't think- we don't know what they are usially like. I would keep a distance from them and focus on my own well being for a little bit. I'm sorry about your friend

It was an insensitive and thoughtless comment but to be honest in the grand scheme of things I’d probably let it go, you have enough stress at the moment.
If the friend comes out with similar comments again I’d consider saying ‘you know, considering what I’m going though at the moment, I find your comments a bit tactless. It’s not a competition for who’s had the hardest time’.
If they are like this a lot then it’s a friendship I’m afraid I’d probably be phasing out.

Since when did you become the gatekeeper of what constitutes a bad week?

I would be traumatised to see someone be hurt. Not all of us are heartless.

@Pherian what is wrong with you.

Tbh I have a friend that has habit for this. Whenever I’m going through a hard time, she will relay a similar experience she is going through or suddenly announce something more important/serious even if it’s something that’s happened weeks before and she’s kept quiet but decides to share almost to out do my situation if that makes sense? I’ve just tried ignoring it but it can be frustrating at times.

Is it a competition then as to who has had the worse week or suffered the most?
You’ve had something bad happen and so has your friend. Just because you think yours is worse doesn’t mean she isn’t allowed to feel bad or upset too.
Everyone has their own stuff going on. Assume you expect to have her tip toe around you because of your situation yet you call her an attention seeker?!?

@BuildbyNumbere yes actually. A close relative was killed suddenly unexpectedly and traumatically. She watched someone faint and fall down. They are by all accounts ok.

Maybe you need to concentrate on yourself rather than competing with your friend about who has it worse.

@BuildbyNumbere thanks love. And for the condolences too

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I had similar when a friend messaged to ask 'how are you?' And I had to explain my mum died yesterday...and then my friend went into great detail about how she had been made redundant. Some people have no awareness.

I don’t know you … think you need to stop asking for validation on your loss.

Your mum dying is the most important thing to you but your friend being made redundant is the most important thing to her, something which could really impact her and her family.
You should be there to support each other, just because something bad happened to you here becomes no relevant? Great friend you are.

Seriously? The OP had a close relative killed and her friend launches into a story about witnessing someone fainting in the street? Very inconsiderate and not exactly what a true friend’s response should be…

It sounds to me like they were a bit overwhelmed before that guy fell. Sounds like they couldn't properly hear you for whatever reason. Hopefully they'll come back to you when they get their head straight. In the meantime, look after yourself and take it easy. I'm so sorry for your loss

Any possibility they’re neurodivergent? Might only be mild. I ask because my daughter is -and when ever someone tells her something that happened to them she immediately has to tell them something similar that happened to her. It comes across as competitive and rude but a therapist explained that because neurodivergents struggle with empathy, it’s their way of trying to show they understand. It falls short but they don’t know what else to say. Alternatively she might just be attention seeking and uncaring.

If they know about your loss, it’s not a good friend move to dump on you about seeing someone fall down.
I, personally, would distance from this “friend.”
I have known someone like this- it was all about them and they were truly exhausting. I have firm boundaries with this person.
if it hurt you, you don’t need the approval of anyone else- your feelings are valid and when you’re going through a loss, protecting yourself is valid.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

I totally understand how this comes across tone deaf, OP, and I offer you my condolences. Could the friend be ND? Many people that are ND tend to try and connect through shared experiences and shared stories so it could be their way of trying to empathise with you.

When my best friend died (young, awful circumstances, left behind a young family) I found it very difficult to tolerate other people’s small gripes. I was very angry for months.

Im sure it’s a natural reaction to death. Your friend is being slightly insensitive themselves, but it’s not harmful. You’re just feeling it more atm.

I’m sorry for your loss. Time doesn’t heal, but you become used to the pain and the shock goes. Right now, it’s awful. Be kind to yourself.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

I think some people do this kind of thing in an attempt to be empathetic and try and relate etc. Possible that they felt awkward and didn’t know what to say etc? I think it’s hard too for many people to just offer sympathy and support and just listen to what a person needs. If you haven’t experienced loss of someone close too I think people have no clue how shattering it is.

I lost both my parents and then my brother over a space of 6 years from 2006-12 - I definitely had a lot of awkward conversations during this period.