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Original poster

Partner being rough

41 replies

Shell92 · 24/07/2025 16:37

My partner has a son from a previous relationship, who’s 8. I’ve known him since he was 3. My partner has always been on the rougher side, as in playtime. They wrestle, he throws him around, he kicks the ball at him. His son absolutely loves it. As soon as he comes over he’s asking for a wrestle.

We’ve now had a daughter together who’s 1. He’s still all about the rough play with her. Throws her in the air, grabs her, pretend wrestles her. She absolutely loves it. She laughs out loud.
I’ve never really thought anything of it but my Nan has now pulled me to the side and told me my partner is too rough with our daughter and it’s really bothering her. My parents have also agreed my partner is rough but they decided not to mention it because it’s just ‘who he is’

Now I’m really paranoid. I’ve never thought anything before, I know he loves rough play with the kids, but what if he is too rough. Is this rough play going to make my daughter boisterous or rough herself?! Do I say anything to my partner about the conversation had between me and my Nan, about her opinion?

OP posts:
Standardpain · 24/07/2025 16:44

I would be worried about him hurting her . If she is only 1.

staybyyou · 24/07/2025 16:45

Roughhousing is known to be beneficial to children, it uses up energy, helps release endorphins and creates connection, which are all good for parent-child and sibling relationships.

As long he’s not hurting them I don’t see an issue.

Stripeyanddotty · 24/07/2025 16:47

Nothing at all wrong with rough boisterous play as long as she enjoys it and he doesn’t hurt her.
Do you think he shouldn’t do it with her because she’s a girl?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 24/07/2025 16:50

What is your nan's concern, exactly? Is she worried about your dd getting hurt or something else?

Azandme · 24/07/2025 16:50

Why should a girl be any different?

Why is your Nan bothered because he's playing with a girl the same way he plays with a boy?

Why is a girl being boisterous concerning to you?

FYI, the answer is sexism.

Women have fought for years to get away from this shit. Don't let anyone reinforce such dated shit on her. Including you.

"Boisterous"? FML... 🤦🏼‍♀️

Thatsalineallright · 24/07/2025 16:51

Rough play (that is still gentle and age-appropriate) is scientifically proven to be beneficial.

Tbh I don't understand why playing with your son is viewed so differently to playing with your daughter. Let kids be kids for god's sake and leave the world's gendered nonsense for later.

AltitudeCheck · 24/07/2025 16:53

Here's to raising boisterous confident playful girls! If she's enjoying the play and safe then tell your relatives to mind their own business x

Chamomileteaplease · 24/07/2025 16:54

Maybe the Nan is viewing it differently because the girl is ONE YEAR OLD!

I am pretty sure you should be a lot more careful with a one year old than an eight year old.

And to be honest, I would be keeping an eye on the rough play with the boy too, just to make sure it doesn't go too far. Hopefully the boy genuinely loves it, but it could be that he knows this is a great way to get his dad's attention.

Maybeitllneverhappen · 24/07/2025 17:19

The trouble is, it's ok until it suddenly isn't. Throwing up in the air etc is fun, but accidents happen. My friend's husband was spinning their son around by his arms, dislocated it so ended up in hospital. Social services were round the next day to investigate. Maybe just ask him to tone it down a bit? One is very young for very boisterous play.

Original poster
Shell92 · 24/07/2025 20:00

Stripeyanddotty · 24/07/2025 16:47

Nothing at all wrong with rough boisterous play as long as she enjoys it and he doesn’t hurt her.
Do you think he shouldn’t do it with her because she’s a girl?

Honestly, no, it’s more the age thing. She’s only 1 and his son is 8. My Nan is worried he’s really going to hurt her and now I’m thinking, should I be telling him to tone it down a bit 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
Shell92 · 24/07/2025 20:01

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 24/07/2025 16:50

What is your nan's concern, exactly? Is she worried about your dd getting hurt or something else?

Yeah she’s worried he’s going to really hurt her because he’s being too rough. In her opinion

OP posts:
Original poster
Shell92 · 24/07/2025 20:04

Azandme · 24/07/2025 16:50

Why should a girl be any different?

Why is your Nan bothered because he's playing with a girl the same way he plays with a boy?

Why is a girl being boisterous concerning to you?

FYI, the answer is sexism.

Women have fought for years to get away from this shit. Don't let anyone reinforce such dated shit on her. Including you.

"Boisterous"? FML... 🤦🏼‍♀️

Genuinely I think it’s more the age thing. His son is 8 and our girl is only 1 and my Nans concern is he’s really going to end up hurting her. Nothing to do with their genders.

And his son doesn’t live with us full time so that’s also different, but if he was also much younger, I would be saying the same about being boisterous. But yeah it’s more about an accident happening and she’s a lot more fragile obviously

OP posts:
Original poster
Shell92 · 24/07/2025 20:07

Chamomileteaplease · 24/07/2025 16:54

Maybe the Nan is viewing it differently because the girl is ONE YEAR OLD!

I am pretty sure you should be a lot more careful with a one year old than an eight year old.

And to be honest, I would be keeping an eye on the rough play with the boy too, just to make sure it doesn't go too far. Hopefully the boy genuinely loves it, but it could be that he knows this is a great way to get his dad's attention.

2bh accidents have happened in the past with his son. Nothing major but yeah times where I’ve wondered about the roughness. This has got me really overthinking now about the rough play with our daughter. But I don’t know how to approach the situation other than observing

OP posts:
TaupeMember · 24/07/2025 20:14

I could hardly bring myself to watch my oh 'playing' with ours but they always loved it, giggling away.

Not when any of them were 1 tho.

4 or 5 at the earliest for real rough roughhousing for me, although it really does depend what you mean by that.

TaupeMember · 24/07/2025 20:15

If there's been the odd accident with the 8 year old (and there was with ours whe playing with their dad) then similar level playing with the 1 year old is totally unacceptable.

80s · 24/07/2025 20:19

Is this rough play going to make my daughter boisterous or rough herself?!
Maybe it will make her self-confident and tough, both physically and mentally. And it sounds like the little boy has a fun time with his dad, if he's asking for more.

You have a better idea than your nan of whether your dh is doing anything stupid like picking small children up by one arm. But I've heard of that kind of thing happening without rough play.

Luckyingame · 24/07/2025 20:24

Obviously - everyone to their own, as long as he's not hurting the kids, BUT - why does this man have the need to play fight such small children?
I mean, the one year old has got much time still to try a "rough play", boy or girl.
NO from me, common sense really.

Sweetpeas123 · 24/07/2025 22:28

I don’t like rough play. Especially with a baby. Pulling arms can easily break or pull out. Shaking can cause damage. Rough housing isn’t for children especially from an adult.

HarLace1 · 24/07/2025 22:59

Me and my dad used to play rough and I absolutely loved it, except I went to far one day and spat in his face. I got such a bollocking and sent to my room but I never ever spat at anyone ever again so just be mindful it can go wrong quite quickly! My DH and two children (boy and girl) play like that too and they love it, so it's not a girl thing to be frowned upon.

If it's just the age that's a worry, just say 'please be careful she's only little!' but in a less serious/naggy way but more in a gentle reminder way. I'm sure he knows what he can do with a 1 year old compared to an 8 year old.

suburberphobe · 24/07/2025 23:14

Why should a girl be any different?

OFFS I despair with this kind of attitude.

Men are stronger than women. That's a fact

Maybe she wants to do ballet or something. Art? Science? Social worker?

Not be manhandled at the age of 1 anyway...

Rayqueen · 25/07/2025 05:20

Well ignore them with 4 under 5 they always adore rough play with daddy when home from work and will laugh there heads off for ages. Don't you think if there was no laughing or happiness the kids would let you know whatever age

OneLemonGuide · 25/07/2025 06:49

suburberphobe · 24/07/2025 23:14

Why should a girl be any different?

OFFS I despair with this kind of attitude.

Men are stronger than women. That's a fact

Maybe she wants to do ballet or something. Art? Science? Social worker?

Not be manhandled at the age of 1 anyway...

Men are obviously stronger than women in general, but how is that relevant here?

There’s no difference between boys and girls at that age, and they are both far, far less strong than an adult man! If something is too rough for a one-year old girl, it’s too rough for a one-year old boy!

And what relevance is the fact she might want to do ballet, art, science or social work… A boy could want to do that too!

You seem to be saying that, because adult men are physically stronger than adult women, young boys are physically stronger than young girls, which is nonsense, and that boys enjoy being physical, whereas girls don’t, which is also nonsense, and very sexist!

Girlmom35 · 25/07/2025 08:44

Try to put the opinion of others aside for a moment.
Have you ever thought - before your nan's comment - that your daughter or stepson were in any danger? Have you ever thought that he was engaging in rough play while the children felt scared or unsafe, and he was unaware of their reaction? Have you ever thought that he wasn't fully aware of their physical abilities? Have you ever wanted to tell him to tone it down?

You are her mother. You know your child better than anyone. You're there to witness the dynamic far more often than anyone else.
What is your gut telling you?

Jumpers4goalposts · 25/07/2025 18:54

Rough play is good for kids especially DD as long as they are happy and it’s safe. I’d say your GM is being OTT as he husband probably didn’t much play with the kids when they were little.

Laura95167 · 25/07/2025 18:59

I think its reasonable nan is nervous and dad is boisterous

I dont think its terrible to say, steady on shes still little. Wait til shes a couple of years older for throwing her so much

Its both ok to be gentle and fun. Sounds like she has a lovely family who all love her and want her safe and happy

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