Partner being rough

[Shell92]

My partner has a son from a previous relationship, who’s 8. I’ve known him since he was 3. My partner has always been on the rougher side, as in playtime. They wrestle, he throws him around, he kicks the ball at him. His son absolutely loves it. As soon as he comes over he’s asking for a wrestle.

We’ve now had a daughter together who’s 1. He’s still all about the rough play with her. Throws her in the air, grabs her, pretend wrestles her. She absolutely loves it. She laughs out loud.
I’ve never really thought anything of it but my Nan has now pulled me to the side and told me my partner is too rough with our daughter and it’s really bothering her. My parents have also agreed my partner is rough but they decided not to mention it because it’s just ‘who he is’

Now I’m really paranoid. I’ve never thought anything before, I know he loves rough play with the kids, but what if he is too rough. Is this rough play going to make my daughter boisterous or rough herself?! Do I say anything to my partner about the conversation had between me and my Nan, about her opinion?

This is a one year old girl……. Don’t let him play rough with her if you have concerns.

It’s proven to be beneficial for dads to play with their kids in this way. Kids get the most oxytocin when they play with dad and get cuddles from mum. And vice versa. We also get high levels of oxytocin from cuddles with them and dads do from playtime. Don’t stop him it’s very healthy.

???!!!!!!! WTAF… Any scientific evidence of this nonsense…?!!

What do you actually think, OP? Do you think he’s being too rough or taking risks with her? If you do, say something. If you think she’s fine, let them get on with it.

It really depends what he's doing with the 1yo. I have a 1 year old DD (I'm her mum), and throw her up into the air (not very high), sit her on the bed and topple her over, and fake drop her small heights. She laughs her head off and loves it.

But I wouldn't do things like wrestle and spin her by the arms at this age due to the risk of injury.

Wrestling with an 8yo is fine as long as he's enjoying it.

Use your judgement:)

That reminds me. When I was a baby, DF used to throw me up in the air which apparently I absolutely loved! The trouble was that we lived in a little cottage at the time which had low ceilings. Inevitably, one day I hit the ceiling which did not amuse DM at all! No long-term harm done though.

Yes so would I. You can’t throw a baby around what if he drops her?

I do sometimes wonder why some men get such a kick out of physically dominating small children.

Is it because she’s a girl or because she’s 1? My dad used to rough play and wrestle me and my wee sister when we were younger and you fight we loved it. He used to do it with my daughter when she was younger it’s just a bit of fun xx

Because roughplay a vital part of child development. Some men actually care about their kids and want to play, spend time and bond with them.

If you only know men that hurt children, you need a new social circle. Most Dad's know how to limit the rough play.

Are you serious?

In my opinion, men who rough play with children do so because they get a strange enjoyment from the dominance. They’re usually inadequate men. And yes, ‘accidents’ will happen when they fail to control themselves.

Rough play carries no more risk than riding a bike or playing in the garden. Accidents happen and I'm glad they do because you can tell the kids who were wrapped in cotton wool a mile off.

If my partner or Nan discouraged having some fun with the children I would likely not play with them anymore because I couldn't bare being under the microscope like that.

Kids were happier when they spent all evening playing out and all summer holidays out having fun (and risking injury but so what)

Surely you want daughters to grow up confident and sure of themselves? Going by some of the responses on here they are being set an example to the contrary

So it looks like im
in the minority but I can see no need for rough play except for the adult performing it to get something from it for some strange reason. I was one of five children and DP didn’t play rough with us. We didn’t grow up inadequate in any way. We all went on to have children and now a few have GC. One DB was extremely active with his children but never wrestled or the like. What is this research that shows it’s beneficial? Why would an adult want to throw a child around or wrestle?

I mean, there's loads of research even available free if you Google. But if you want a proper peer-reviewed medical journal article, here you go!

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8507902/

My dad rough played with me, he use to grab me and throw me up in the air, I fucking hated it and became hysterical, begging him to stop but he wouldnt, he just thought my terror was funny🙄

I never let anyone play with my kids in this way

We'll have to agree to disagree on rough play. Physical japes and messing around is okay, but not when it goes too far. Playing is great. It's the ones who don't know when to hold back on their strength that are the problem. As in the OP.

Bit of a leap in your thinking to assume I know men who hurt children.