Should I forgive my partner?

[Cpajlc]

So a little back story. Me (F23) and partner (M23) have been together since April 2017, we were 15 and met at school. We have always done everything together, he took me on my first holiday abroad, he has given me so many experiences I never got to experience as a child. We had a son in November 2022 and we were going through a big roommate phase but we ended up stronger than ever and we got engaged in April 2025 on our 8 year anniversary. I was so so happy, had our engagement party booked and was really looking forward to it. But I had the urge to look through his iPad and I found out that he was talking / sending nudes to multiple different girls in 2020. I confronted him and he told me everything and said he was going through a hard time and he admits it was wrong not to tell me and he wouldn’t blame me if I left. I called off the engagement and broke up with him, he did move back to his mums for a week but I was struggling too much mentally so I told him to move back in.
He has been actively trying to communicate better and he answers any questions I have about the situation. He says he deeply regrets it and he is sorry. But I don’t know what to do.
im so embarrassed I gave him so much time and love, I know I’m young but I really thought this was it. We went through so much together and he is genuinely a good guy so this happening has confused me so much.

has anyone been through something like this? What did you do in the situation and is there any chance I could move on from this?

obviously I wouldn’t be engaged to him anymore but should I get back with him? It just feels so strange. I don’t really have anyone I can speak to about this and it’s eating at me.

It does sound like he is sorry. But he should accept everything on your terms and timescale now

No, don’t ever get back with him. He can’t be trusted.

I think if it was in 2020, as regretful and horrible as his behaviour was, I would try and see past it.

So in 2020 he was 18 right? And you're the only woman he's ever been with?

I think I could forgive him this. As PP said, he sounds sorry.

It doesn't have to be an immediate decision. You can have him in the house and see how that makes you feel without it being any kind of promise long term.

I don't want to give him a pass by saying teenage boys think with their dicks but I think how he's been since moving in together and having a child is more idicative of how he is as a man and a partner than something he did when he was 18/19. I'm sure you've grown up since then (edit: so chances are he has too) so if you want to move past this, I don't think things are as doomed as if a 30 yo was doing it, if that makes sense.

Yeah we would have been 18. I know we are completely different people to who we were then but the betrayal is still there if you get what I mean? 5 years is a long time to lie especially when we have a child and got engaged since. I’m so torn in the situation because I know we were teenagers and I know people grow but it still hurts that I was lied to. I think I’m going to give it a couple months and see how things go and make sure he is still apologetic and then see where things go

I am the only person he has ever been with. However he isn’t the only person I’ve ever been with and I’ve told him a lot when we were younger if he ever wanted to go see what else is out there, just leave don’t go behind my back. So this happening was a bit of a shock

Do you think he did anything physical with these girls?

No it was completely online with girls he didn’t even know

I'd personally forgive him. If it's eating you up, tell him that though, and tell him now you have a baby together you need to be able to rely on him and trust him. And in exchange, you'll be true to him and a good wife and mother.

You're still so young, I wish you the best of luck with your life!

Unfortunately you can’t make yourself get over it even if you want to. But if I was in your position I would want to try.

In this specific situation he was very young (his brain will not be fully developed until 25!). He did a stupid thing which likely felt far removed from your relationship as he had never met them and had no intention to. If you had found it at the time I would have recommended leaving him as clearly he felt the need to explore other people (which in my view is understandable at 18).

But if you are happy and have a child and there is a scenario that you could move on from it I would try. Having said that I think you need to have a real honest discussion about whether he feels the need to ‘be’ with other people before he settles down for life. If he’s never been with anyone else it’s not inconceivable that he will regret this later on, even if you are perfect together. I wouldn’t want to invest my life in someone that breaks my heart later down the line because he’s having a midlife crisis about all the experiences he missed out on.

You are so right, I’m going to have a serious talk with him and make sure this is 100% what he wants. I don’t want to trust him again for 10 years time him changing his mind and wanting to explore. Thank you

You have been together since you were 15, but you have been with someone else?

Sorry OP I think it has 'disaster' written all over it. Don't take him back.

Yes, I lost my dad at 14 and my mum became an alcoholic so I was searching for attention elsewhere. Not proud of it but it was a rough time and looking back I wish someone was looking out for me because I was just a child. But at the time I thought I was grown🥲

It must have been quite a shock to find the nudes and what he got up to as it will have changed the way you see him. Back in 2020 was a bit of a madness, and I know quite a few who just went a bit off during this time. Not making excuses here at all.

With regards to if you should forgive, I think you should look at this as a whole new relationship, and you two can make it work if you decide to not hold on to his "ephisodes against him if you two come to a disagreement.

If this is however a pattern where he has done similar before, I would rethink things

I was thinking that too. He was a teenager and teenagers do idiotic things. Hopefully he has now grown up a bit and if he is showing genuine remorse, then see how it goes. But if he does anything like that again, then you would have to think again.

Yes,been in similar situation
totally regret taking my partner back now my ex partner leopards don’t change their spots. He’s proved you can’t trust him so don’t trust him doesn’t matter what he says. It’s word salad. He’s a liar and will remain a liar.

I don't think that's true at all, if those spots were the ones they had at 18. I've still got mostly the same friends group and we all did things at 18 we'd never dream of now.

That’s the thing if it was a recent thing I wouldn’t be questioning myself but because it was so long ago and we’ve changed so much as people I’m questioning it more. Obviously I don’t want to be made a fool of but I don’t want to throw everything we had away. We are like best friends and we are the best team when it comes to our son.

You told him to move back in? That sounds controlling..

What do you mean by controlling? He still wants us to be together and was happy to move back in as he didn’t want to be apart from me or his son. (He wouldn’t be able to take our son on weekdays as he works 12 hour shifts till 8pm and our son is asleep by then). I don’t think it was unreasonable wanting my space after the initial shock of things

Maybe I shouldn’t have worded it the way I did in the original post, it was more of a mutual agreement that he moved back in

If they can do it once and you forgive them, they’ll do it over and over again.

He was 18. I did some frankly ridiculous, not to mention dangerous, things when I was that age. I wouldn’t dream of doing them now. People do change as they grow up.