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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My stomach in knots over what oh said

38 replies

Fitnessmum1 · 20/07/2025 09:08

Is this anxiety? Or something else…
oh said I don’t deserve a break from our baby as it was me who wanted another 1, he said let’s have another baby in a squeaky voice mocking me.
This was because I said oh I’d love a night on the couch, as last night he slept on couch and little one got me up early and was unsettled in night also.

OP posts:
WFHmutha25 · 20/07/2025 09:13

Vile behaviour and the thing with these type of comments is that you'll never forget them. They are damaging. How unloving that the person who loves you doesn't think you deserve a break. We knew a couple where he always told her it was on her to do everything as she was the one who wanted another. They're divorced, but this is because this behaviour is indicative of the person as a whole. Me and dh had a really rough time with our two under two, and he has been a massive arse at times, but he's never made comments like this or been unkind about me. I'd have a conversation about this and nip it in the bud and explain you don't want to hear this again.

AnonAnonmystery · 20/07/2025 09:37

It’s the mimicking that is the most hurtful, he shows utter contempt and resentment towards you. Don’t make a decision to have another baby with this man yet. I don’t think he’s proved himself as a husband or father. I hope you are ok x

PersephonePomegranate · 20/07/2025 09:49

That was unkind. Are there generally other pressures on the relationship? Was he unwilling to have the second child?

Qoopwhooping · 20/07/2025 09:50

What an absolute dick.

BCBird · 20/07/2025 09:51

He needs a kick in the nuts

HunnyPot · 20/07/2025 09:53

Did he want another baby?

Zanatdy · 20/07/2025 09:55

Rude and horrible. No, it’s not anxiety.

Tandora · 20/07/2025 09:57

Horrible. Especially the bit where he mocked you. Presumably he participated in conceiving his child

LaLaLandDreams · 20/07/2025 09:57

It’s a prime example of why both sides need to be 100% before having a baby.

I think you’ve got way bigger problems than one comment.

BeyondMyWits · 20/07/2025 09:58

Showing (or even feeling) contempt, by either partner, means something is deeply wrong.
You need to talk, to let him know how hurtful he was. That something in your relationship needs fixing.

BlueandPinkSwan · 20/07/2025 10:18

I wouldn't consider another baby until this was sorted out in respect of, how is her with your child now?
Does he pull his weight in all aspects of parenting, around the house, work et al?
What is he like as a partner towards you? The mimicking is childish but not a ltb to me, I would have pulled him up about it though.
There is a lot to consider but if you are struggling with one, and who in all honesty hasn't, why even consider a second. I guess you are already pregnant though, did /does he want a 2nd baby? You say you wanted another.
Might want to bear in mind he might walk at some point if he's dismissive now.
I seriously believe that most men wouldn't have kids for choice but are 'encouraged' to by their partners. Then they get arsey and kick back by being dead beat sperm donors.

Original poster
Fitnessmum1 · 20/07/2025 10:28

Sorry I may have worded it wrong I don’t want another baby he was mimicking me from the time when I did want this baby we now have

OP posts:
Original poster
Fitnessmum1 · 20/07/2025 10:29

So he’s saying I don’t deserve help because i wanted this baby

OP posts:
RevolutionHere · 20/07/2025 10:30

why are either of you sleeping on the couch?

PersephonePomegranate · 20/07/2025 10:32

Fitnessmum1 · 20/07/2025 10:29

So he’s saying I don’t deserve help because i wanted this baby

And he didn't presumably, or is this the first you're hearing about that?

Either way, he sounds deeply resentful and that's bad news.

cloudyblueglass · 20/07/2025 10:33

Vile. And if you pull him up on it you’ll be gaslighted or he’ll play the victim.

Hes showing who he is.

CarlaLemarchant · 20/07/2025 10:35

What did he say when you said you wanted dc2? Was he not involved in the process?

He has been absolutely horrible, no doubt about it. Only you know whether that is totally out of character for him or just another in a long line of horrible comments.

OfficerChurlish · 20/07/2025 10:37

Regardless, it's his baby too and the baby is here, and so you each have 50% of the responsibility for caring for the baby. The hands-on care may not be split equally if one of you has significantly more responsibilities outside the home. For example, if he works full time and you're on maternity leave, you'll end up with more of the childcare but he should still be doing his share when he's not working. Ideally, you should each end up with roughly the same amount of free time.

But even if you were a single parent, you'd of course need a break from the baby; everyone does!

Berlinlover · 20/07/2025 10:37

Did your partner want to have a second child or was it just you who did?

MissyB1 · 20/07/2025 10:39

Berlinlover · 20/07/2025 10:37

Did your partner want to have a second child or was it just you who did?

If he didn't but went along with it then thats on him.

OP, I'm sorry he has zero respect for you.

Original poster
Fitnessmum1 · 20/07/2025 10:40

It was me who wanted the 2nd more he could have easily said no though,

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 20/07/2025 10:40

How old is the baby? Is this the first time he’s been resentful and horrible about it?

Whoowhoopitstbesoundofthedapolice · 20/07/2025 10:41

You should have said he's was more than a willing participant so he can't complain either.

If he didn't want another baby he should have not had sex with you especially after having a conversation, like a grown up, about not wanting another baby.

Tell him he's free to leave if he's that unhappy.

Berlinlover · 20/07/2025 10:47

Fitnessmum1 · 20/07/2025 10:40

It was me who wanted the 2nd more he could have easily said no though,

If he had said no how would you have reacted? I agree with PP that he shouldn’t have gone along with it if he didn’t want a second child but did you both have a proper discussion at all?

Original poster
Fitnessmum1 · 20/07/2025 10:50

It was discussed an took a while to conceive
he’s been saying similar things recently but not as bad

OP posts: