My stomach in knots over what oh said

[Fitnessmum1]

Is this anxiety? Or something else…
oh said I don’t deserve a break from our baby as it was me who wanted another 1, he said let’s have another baby in a squeaky voice mocking me.
This was because I said oh I’d love a night on the couch, as last night he slept on couch and little one got me up early and was unsettled in night also.

The baby is nearly 2

What would he say if you told him that you would not be cooking for him any more as 'he was the one who was hungry'.

Once resentment sets in, it's over. Start making a plan because I wouldn't be surprised if he is.

Hi @Fitnessmum1
This sounds horrible. The mocking and unsupportive behaviour of your partner indicates you are out of step in your relationship?

Are they someone you can talk to and discuss how his comments made you feel? If it is a bigger problem than one conversation, look into counselling is my suggestion (for you both to attend) as the rot has started. People who love and respect you dont speak or treat you like that.

X

My partner and I have separate bedrooms.

He once took an early conference call in bed (while I was lying next to me) and woke me up. I was not impressed.

We have separate bedrooms and it’s actually a lot better. Sleep is so important.

I’ve always had my own bedroom when living with a partner. My cousin used to tease me about it but it turned out her husband d spent every single night on the couch because she always co-slept with her children and had one after the other (four in total with him).

This is not the behaviour of a man who is happy with his family life. Was he like this with the first child? I would be concerned that he's looking for a way out of his current situation.

Did he want children, or did he decide (very wrong!) to just get on with it, to keep a partner?

It's a natural response to your partner being an emotionally abusive twat. That anxiety is your body telling you something isn't right.

Your marriage is doomed.

He has checked out emotionally and doesn’t ace about you. Moving out of the bedroom onto the sofa is unsupportive and shows he would prefer to be on his own rather than next to you.

He could have absolutely put his foot down and refused to have another baby but he didn’t. His accusation of you wanting the baby and not him is putting even more distance between him and you, painting you as being the villain and being demanding and getting your own way.

Mimicking your voice shows the utter contempt he has for you.

I think it will only get worse as he despises being why and win his horrible mind, feeling trapped.

Are you both sleeping deprived?

Your anxiety is completely valid and it is how you feel.

But my husband and I have definitely said unkind stuff to each other over the course of our 21 year relationship and we've both done childish things, like mimicking the others voice , when tired and stressed. It still hurts, I still remember the things he's said, but I've done the same back to him.

If these comments are ongoing and a pattern then I'd be concerned and something should change for your wellbeing. Both partners in a relationship need to feel supported and that the other has their back. And once the argument is over and everyone has calmed down, it should, in a healthy relationship, be possible to express how his comments made you feel and ask to talk about where they've done from.

But as a one off, I'd say that's pretty normal from sleep deprived, stressed people.

Thanks all
no hes not sleep deprived as he’s never missed a full night sleep

he was on sofa as my lo asked if she could sleep with me as a one off

no, no one I can talk to which is why I’ve put on here, it’s my only option for advice

he won’t do counselling

i told him it was a horrible thing to say he said I’m sorry but…. Then I switched off
he says it’s my fault we can’t go anywhere I’m happy stuck at home but he’s not
I’ve told him to leave me if that’s what he wants as he just prefers to sit on the sofa, on his phone, or wants to go out to non child friendly places, only problem is he has no friends so he’s blaming me for his boredom

He sounds completely useless and a drain to be around

He sounds like a shit partner and father. You’ve accepted this and stayed in the relationship being treated badly and his poor treatment of you has escalated, eg contemptuous, emotionally abusive comments.

Best option for you and the DC is probably to plan to leave, work hard to get into the best possible work situation, and in the meantime seek for him to do more parenting (day and night time).