Anybody else just fancy living alone?

[estrogone]

DH is a kind and good husband. We have been together 33 years. Both early 50s.

He hasn't done anything wrong but he annoys the crap out of me (habits, sounds mostly) and I often feel like I want to get away.

More importantly on the odd occasion where it's just me, I feel so much more energised. Example - if DH isn't around, I will bake, read, exercise. If he is here I can't be bothered.

I have felt like this for a while - I am peri menopausal (haven't had a period in 7 months). Does anybody else feel like this? Is there a fix?

Edited to ask: will this improve after menopause?

Oh yes, peri regularly appears to make people want to do damage to their husband. I'm not as extreme as you and he's a good husband but I could happily see him for a few dates a week and live alone otherwise.

We don't spend much time together. I have a lot of outdoor hobbies, he's happy watching documentaries so we basically have 20/30 mins together at mealtimes and a walk at lunchtime and a few evenings out.

I hope it'll get better after menopause but actually I'm fine with it like this.

You could get hrt or see about adjusting if you're already on it. Or accept it and he aware of it, tell him and apologise in advance for being ratty.

If you're living in each others pockets get some space - even if it's just accepting that you watch evening TV in the bedroom whilst he's downstairs. I have a 2 hour bath of an evening 😂

Why can’t you go off and do your own thing, at least once a week? Go and do what makes you happy. It doesn’t mean splitting up - it means making time for yourself. I regularly go away for a couple of days to do what I want to do. Basically, build a little balance into your life.

My partner and I both travel (separately) a lot for work. We both absolutely love getting the house to ourselves for the week/weekend, it's almost like a different living experience.

He gets to watch films/play games that I'd hate, I get to potter with my hobbies without him getting under my feet.

With that said, we're always pining for each other like lovesick teenagers after a few days...plus he's useful for getting stuff from the high shelves😅

Feckin hormones 🤣

I do my own thing a lot, it helps but the poor man irritates me regardless. He is terrible at doing anything by himself and that puts a heap of pressure on me.

Example - he wants to go clothes shopping. He wants me to go with him. I was out yesterday and want to have a quiet day at home, so I say - you go, I will stay in. He'll then end up not going and spend the day tidying the house (awful, I know) instead - which is fine but we all (young adult children) have to keep it just so and listen to him go on and on about it.

Hardly the worst crime in the world. Certainly not deserving of my mostly (95% in of the time), hidden rage irritation.

I hate feeling like this.

I have a fantastic husband who does not irritate me and is my best friend. My kids are great and are at uni so only around half the year. I still often fantasise about living on my own. After 30+ years, I feel I have had my fill of looking after and being responsible for other people, in fact even just having to consider them. I would love to get up and go to bed when I want, eat what I want when I want etc. Not sure how much is menopause related.

I've been with DH for 20 years and feel the same. He's my favourite person and i love him dearly, but....the noise, the chaos, the mess, the eating sounds...!

Luckily he retrained a few years ago and now often works away monday-friday. I get a lot of concerned/patronising "head tilts" from people asking 'how are you coping on your own?'.

Erm, I sleep soundly in a super king size bed, wake up and make myself a coffee in silence in an immaculate kitchen, take it back to bed to enjoy in peace before getting ready for work, and spend my evenings also in peace and can eat a healthy, simple dinner that doesn't create mountains of washing up! I'm doing fine, thanks!

I think it’s peri too. I love my dh, we get on really well and he’d do anything for me. Still, very often my primary feeling is “I want to be left alone”. HRT is helping!

Yes, all the time. I'm early 60s, married 37 years to a kind man that I love and have a lot of fun with. I have a long-time fantasy of buying a tiny fisherman's cottage in a seaside village way up north, moving there and not telling anyone where I went.

I would miss my children and grandchildren, but I strongly crave peace, freedom, not having to consider anyone else. I wonder how much of that feeling is because I have a fairly secure life now. Would I feel differently if I was actually alone or would I have already left for my secret cottage?

I no longer work so have most of the day to myself 5 days a week, but I spend a portion of that day doing housework, cooking, etc. so the days don't fully feel my own. DH is due to retire soon, which fills me with a little dread...

Yes, I agree. It’s just stuff being left in the same state that you left it, not having a shadow, not dealing with the moaning etc

Yes I’m 51 and felt like this in the last year or so of my long term relationship. I just wanted to be alone all the time. We decided to split up, I’m really looking forward to having the new place to myself (plus teen DS).

I wish someone would take my husband away. His laziness is unbelievable.

I’ve always felt like this. It’s why I live alone (apart from adult DC bouncing to and from uni). It’s heaven!!

Peri definitely causes this, I spent about three years plotting divorce.

Every little thing (that he’d always done but never bothered me, like breathing) annoyed me beyond measure. I did feel better once I was on HRT but I’m definitely more independent, and give less of a shit than I used to.

I read somewhere that it’s down to the depletion of your caring/nurturing hormones, and that makes sense.

I feel so much better and read these posts nodding along. It's like my capacity to be the 'glue' is reduced. I don't want to have a conversation three ways about the takeaway and then end up getting an Indian when I was craving a Thai because the extra delivery fee will require a conversation. It does feel like I have spent the last 24 years (since we had our DC) negotiating the minutiae of life and I am just over it.

I do remind myself that I would be beyond devastated if anything were to happen to my DH. He is my best friend and I love him madly. We have so much fun together (when I am not a maniacal menopausal witch 😂).

I daydream about a tiny one room cottage on Shetland or Arran with a roaring fireplace. Truth is I would probably be miserable and lonely.

HRT, has settled the worst of the physical symptoms. Might talk to my GP about dialling it up to turn me back into a nice wife.

Oh you see I DO live alone and I’m enraged by stuff being in the state I left it, my cats follow me everywhere, and Christ but I moan to Olympic standards.

Yes yes and yes.

I could happily live next door to DH. I like him a lot - I just want my space to stay clean and tidy as I left it.

I most weeks occasionally look for houses on Rightmove that could be split in two or 2 new semi detached we could create some form of door/hall between.

“My capacity to be the glue is reduced”

Wow, that is so perfectly phrased.

I went through this stage, but it has mostly passed now i'm 60. Occasionally his eating grates on me, the tv programs he watches are as annoying as hell & too loud for me, as I sometimes like silence to concentrate on what I'm reading. To be fair it's on at a normal level for most human beings.
But after many years of training (nagging😁) his tidiness is very good and he has more energy than me for getting jobs done, so he comes in handy. When we're away on a holiday i do not feel the slightest annoyance about him, so I really think it's my problem with having a low level of intolerance

I went through this stage, but it has mostly passed now i'm 60. Occasionally his eating grates on me, the tv programs he watches are as annoying as hell & too loud for me, as I sometimes like silence to concentrate on what I'm reading. To be fair it's on at a normal level for most human beings.
But after many years of training (nagging😁) his tidiness is very good and he has more energy than me for getting jobs done, so he comes in handy. When we're away on a holiday i do not feel the slightest annoyance about him, so I really think it's my problem with having a low level of intolerance

Sorry for posting twice, I don't know why this has happened

Sounds like most of the problem is him not having much of a life of his own.

Is it perimenopause/ menopause though? Or is it just that the passage of a certain amount of years makes us more and more fed up? Why do women have to be the “glue”? Why do some men think it’s ok to need emotional etc caretakers? Why do some of them have to be helpless, messy, with inconsiderate personal habits? Why do we assume there’s something wrong with us????

Maybe the whole boy meets girl and they live happily ever after is a fairytale of epic proportions designed to keep men comfortable and women thinking there is something wrong with them if deep down, they know it's not in their best interests.

Yep. I’ve been married for 11 years to a wonderful man and my favourite daydream is living alone with all the wardrobe space to my self.

i think this is very true.