Anybody else just fancy living alone?

[estrogone]

DH is a kind and good husband. We have been together 33 years. Both early 50s.

He hasn't done anything wrong but he annoys the crap out of me (habits, sounds mostly) and I often feel like I want to get away.

More importantly on the odd occasion where it's just me, I feel so much more energised. Example - if DH isn't around, I will bake, read, exercise. If he is here I can't be bothered.

I have felt like this for a while - I am peri menopausal (haven't had a period in 7 months). Does anybody else feel like this? Is there a fix?

Edited to ask: will this improve after menopause?

My husband works away a lot. His next contract is a month away and month at home. People always assume I'm really lonely but honestly I love it this way. I'm very energised when I'm on my own and I love the time he's here. Think I'd now struggle to have it any other way.

45, married 19 years, together 23. I completely relate. To the point that 3 weeks ago I called time on our marriage.
However, I have been devastated ever since and realise I still love him despite all the things that I find infuriating.
We both want to see if we can rebuild something stronger. I hope the shake up let's us do that and doesn't push us further apart.
I blame peri and I want to speak with the doctor about HRT.

I craved alone time so much.
Sub consciously I think it impacted our decision to buy an apartment in the city as a second property.
DD 1 lives there, but the second bedroom is mine and I love going for a few days to see a show or catch up with an Aunt who lives near by.
I am 60 now and not needing alone time as much now. I do still enjoy it though

I live alone. It is blissful.

I absolutely think this is the case. There is a reason why single women live longer and married men live longer. Like in so many other areas of life, we sacrifice so they can flourish.

I think some people fantasise living alone. Or at least, people (usually women) with young children. I have so many mums confide in me that they would love to live alone with their children/ leave their partners. Yes it’s great but you don’t get to do whatever you want.
I can’t exercise, go to the shop to get milk, have a long bath, read, catch up on work, meditate or do anything really. There is something to be said for someone, anyone, living in the house who will, as a minimum, prevent the children in the house dying when you go to do Pilates.
But I really this is very specific to my context.
When I do have a night off/ night out, I do find myself at a bit of a loss. Especially on a night out, the actual out bit is good, but being a bit pissed, coming home to an empty house, waking up hungover on your own, I find it all a bit depressing. I imagine this is what my ex’s life is like every day.

Interesting points about the husband's & singletons outliving the wives. I definitely bear the mental load. DH is a great person, husband and Dad but he is not self sufficient. Man flu is a thing in our house for example.

I wouldn't leave him over it - frankly I am used to it. But it bloody grates and I am far less accommodating than I used to be.

Yes. I've been married almost 15 years to a man who is basically good and kind - and we do have good times together - but I'm starting to lose the will to live with him (literally!)

There are too many frustrations to document on what I know is fundamentally lighthearted thread, but in a nutshell I feel as if I've run out of fucks to give and just want to be left alone now. I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of his unthinking incompetence and of always having to be the adult. He's a lovely guy in many ways and I feel terrible saying all of this, but if I could walk away tomorrow with no fall-out, I would.

I'm 52 and I know my hormones are playing a large part in this but honestly, I Am So Fucking Done.

I have a good DH and a 4yo DD whom I love more than life itself. But I often find myself thinking how I would LOVE to live on my own again. Not answer to anyone, decorate the house my way, make a Dorito sandwich for dinner... But I know then I'd hope around wondering why I was alone!

I reached a breaking point about 15 years in and demanded that the wife work be equally distributed. We nearly split up but worked through it. My DH had a mum who did everything for him and there had to be a recalibration of his expectations.

Hope you manage to work it out.

Thank you @estrogone. I am feeling particularly grumpy today as, although our dishwasher has broken, this morning I came downstairs to find dh loading dirty plates into it because (and I quote) 'I didn't know what else to do with them'. FFS. And then he just walks out of the room when I challenge this utter bullshit.

As I say, he's actually a very lovely man in many ways but it's that kind of shit, day in day out, that really just makes me want to walk out and never come back. I fantasise daily about a little flat of my own.

I highly recommend 'living apart together' to anyone who is able.

DP and I are in our 50s/60s, both with adult children, and have very much shared lives, but we have kept our own separate places to live. We rarely spend more than a week or two together full-time, and then will have a week or two apart doing our own things, though in regular daily contact.

It works perfectly for us: companionship, sex and support when needed/wanted, but still plenty of autonomy and time alone or with other family and friends.

I lived full-time with my last partner and got to the stage of craving time alone and being fed up with being responsible for anyone else's emotional, physical or financial wellbeing.

I have always had introvert tendencies, but I am sure menopause amplified my need for time alone.

Yes. I love my DH but his stuff being left everywhere drives me insane

Yep. I keep looking on Rightmove for a small cottage and imagining the peace and quiet.

My husbands hobbies now he has retired is the only reason I am sane . His hobbies send him off for a few days every couple of weeks…absolutely bloody marvellous TBH . Just me and my dog and have the young grandchildren here a couple of times a week.

Dont makel the mistake of thinking you will be more active and bake and exercise on your own!! I'm living alone and spending my time doom scrolling on my phone, playing stupid games and browsing MN! Its really hard to motivate yourself when there's no one else around

However having been divorced for 10 years then finally got adult children settled in their forever cities (fingers crossed) and house to myself once again I'm not complaining too much despite being desperately lonely a lot of the time.

Am in process of getting a separation. Married over 30 yrs, youngest is 19 and leaving house soon. I discovered 6 months ago that he wants to work until he dies ( his words). Realised that I am not putting up with this. And this is AFTER couples counselling !! Time to do life again.
💪

I live alone in my mid 60s and I don't ever feel lonely. To be fair I have a day job three days a week which is in retail, and talking to hundreds of people over the space of a shift just makes me even happier to come home to my tidy, clean cottage with only my little dog for company.

My last relationship ended five years ago, and the relief with which I greeted its ending told me that I'm probably going to stay alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll be lonely when I retire? But I've got plans, I can join groups and clubs and I won't have to deal with a man sighing and saying 'but what do you want to keep going out for?'

Economically, I could never live on my own, especially these days. Surely that's an issue for lots of women? I simply don't earn enough to manage on my wages.
I love OH but he drives me nuts a lot of the time. He can be needy and lazy and is naturally messy. He works away a fair bit but god knows what'll happen when he retires. I've always enjoyed my own company, I feel like I really need it as a breather at times.

We lived apart, seeing each other only for weekends and holidays, for the first 15 years of our marriage. I firmly wish we still did. He, however, is much happier living together. Go figure.

I have a very good, outwardly wonderful DH but he drives me nuts after 37 years together and I feel he's at this stage completely indifferent to me. He's close to retirement. I don't know how I'm going to cope. I can't do thirty more years of this.

I dream of a cottage in the country with a couple of cats, and maybe a lovely new man who actually appreciates me - if he exists, that is.

Called time on my LTR a few months ago after a couple of decades together. DC all grown up, I just decided 'enough!'. Waiting now on house sale/ purchase to go through, can't wait to finally have my own little house which i can decorate and furnish without any energy sapping compromise.

IME it took a while to appreciate the being alone, but I had the sting taken out of it because it was lockdown at the time. Now I enjoy time with my particular friend, when they are not being an arse but even then I know it's only a day or so until I get some peace.

I find I do a lot more than when I was in a long term relationship.

I now follow hobbies, exercise for fun (?!), read, and the joy of decorating a place to suit yourself is indescribable. As is being able to go to bed at 8pm or 3am and not have to explain it. Or to have a glass of wine on a 'non-drinking' night, or none at the weekend.

I was a bloody good partner and an awesome stepmum. Now I am enjoying my own time.

Previous to my long term partner calling time on us, I used to fantasise about a little house somewhere, in a quiet road but in a city. 110% right. It's bloody great.

I have been married twice, and have lived alone for the last 5 years (DC left for Uni/are now living with partners and have bought their first homes). I can honestly say it’s the happiest I think I have ever been, or perhaps I should say, the truest I’ve ever been to myself, my boundaries and my inner peace. I’ve realised how much I have sacrificed for men - mainly emotionally and I am so much happier without them. I suppose I’m a bit of a control freak although that was not an issue in either separation. I just love having my home decorated how I like it, buying furniture that I like. Listening to the radio stations/watching TV that I like, and pottering round with my DDogs and cats. It’s absolute bliss and I don’t miss the first narcissistic cheat whatsoever, but I do miss the banter I had with my last husband, but not his violent emotional outbursts. I just know that I will never live with another ‘person’ again (DC excepted if they needed to come back for any reason).

I would like someone to do a survey. Stop people in the street and ask what they are having for their evening meal - I think 90% of the partnered women could tell you and 90% of the partnered men couldn’t. I’ve been married 40 years and cooked an evening meal most nights - I love it when DH is away. I don’t go to the supermarket, or order a takeaway, I just go to the fridge or cupboard and take something simple out and prepare it in 5mins.