I'm leaving because I never want our children to be in the same room as he shouts that he wants to punch my fucking face in again

[PennyWhistleSweet]

I'm posting this more as a reminder to myself that I can look back on in a few weeks when I've safely left and I ow I e done the right thing. I keep listening to the recordings I've secretly made of such incidences to keep myself going forward. I was triaged today for a domestic abuse support worker at a local charity. This is really happening and it's so bloody scary.

He asked last night if I'm leaving and I said I didn't want to have this conversation with him when he'd had a drink and weed. I'd come in from a 12 hour shift and wasn't ready for that. He slept on the sofa.

I'm just after advice, your own experiences and a hand hold because I'm feeling a bit pathetic.

Hand hold. This is your one and only life, and your kids life.
In basic terms.

Go for it while you feel this way, even if you feel 1000 things.

This place is the best for support x

You're doing the absolute best thing for you and your children. It's a hard path but you've taken the first step. Its best not to mention leaving, so deny it if he asks. Try to act as normal as possible.

You're doing the right thing op, for yourself and your children. Is there a person you can trust to hold on to important documents whilst you're waiting for the charity to see you?

I've told my sister and a friend. They are being amazing.ive sent the video records to them and can go and stay with either if we need to.

You'll get a lot of support on here. You are doing the right thing for your children.
I waited until my dc had grown up (it was them who got me out i 2022) and I regret not going before. I should have left years ago.
I'm three years down the line, divorced and living happily alone. The joy and peace of not living on eggshells is not to be underestimated and I remind myself daily.

You've got this!

Sending you support xx

@MiloMinderbinder925 this is one of them worst things because he's being so nice at the moment (imdo understand the cycle of abuse). I feel so sad and sorry for him that he's loosing us.

Go full on ‘mamma bear’ and get you and your DC out of there.

There'll be a whole army of women on here supporting you.

You won’t regret leaving.

@WelshBookWitch well done!! Better late than never. If finances were different I would have left sooner. I found out a friend who is traveling is lending me their car till December today!! I haven't had my own car for a year so this is a massive step forwards as we have no public transport

Thank you. I feel like I need an army because I feel so responsible for his feelings and so sad because he's sad. Stupid I know but I've been with him since I was 16. Over 20 years!!

Does he work? Are any benefits for the dc in your name?
Worried he could say he is the dc's main carer and a court could make you return them.. Or make pay him cms also.

He’s being nice at the moment to try to hook you back in. It’s standard abusive behaviour - he knows you’re about to leave and is trying to stop you.

We both do shift work full time and juggle childcare.

We receive child benefit but it goes straight to my account. He doesn't pay towards children's stuff.

You are not responsible for his feelings

You need to be responsible for yours and your kids well being.
He can't drain you any more.
Xx

@PennyWhistleSweet

He's a Jekyll and Hyde and doesn't deserve you. Being "nice" on the odd occasion is all very well but you know it's only a matter of time until the next display of his evil side.

Best of luck and you'll be a new person (albeit mentally scarred if you don't mind me saying that) when you no longer have to wake up each day with him under the same roof. Walking on eggshells hurts more than just the feet.

❤️

That's really kind of them.

The only thing I'll say is if you go into a refuge you're a much higher priority for new housing (presuming you'll need social housing) and more support than staying with a relative.

But I'm sure your advisor will tell you everything you need to know.

Very proud of you for leaving. It's never easy so give yourself a pat on the back!

Consider reporting him to the police too. You have the evidence. Even if nothing proceeds, it may help you if he tries to harass you in future or if you want to go for more child custody. And, help any future women by having on file that he is abusive.

Have you spoken to refuge? They are brilliant at giving you options. Safe travels

I promise you the relief you will feel once you've got your DC and yourself safely out of there will be immense.

I've been where you are right now and the difference in mine and my DCS life's have been like night and day and the only regrets I ever had was that I didn't leave sooner.

That's what I need to hear. I wish I could skip to the good bit.

I had a meeting at our local service and reside on Monday. The don't give got access to all the refuge in your county for safety reasons so I'd have to be miles away. I still need to work full time.

Sending a big hug and a lot of admiration for your courage OP; can you tell HR in confidence at your workplace so they can put appropriate support in place? They should do this. Your council housing service takes DA into account for rehousing but theres likely to be a wait...

Hay op stay strong 💪 your doing great in a shit situation keep going tho,
House, is it mortgage or private rent, or ha, if HA they can help and support either of you to move , hopefully him as you have the children, they can offer one bedroom properties you see,

Your doing great op and have friends to support you,

Please leave and stay out. Your children will thank you some day even if in the short term they are scared of change.

i can’t begin to explain the trauma of growing up in a home like that. My mother always said she was going to leave. Sometimes we even packed and got in the car, but we always went back to our abuser. He doesn’t have to hit the children to include them in the abuse.

You are not pathetic. You have done the hardest thing already. Put yourself and your children first. When are a little settled look at the Freedom Programme with Women’s Aid.