I'm leaving because I never want our children to be in the same room as he shouts that he wants to punch my fucking face in again

[PennyWhistleSweet]

I'm posting this more as a reminder to myself that I can look back on in a few weeks when I've safely left and I ow I e done the right thing. I keep listening to the recordings I've secretly made of such incidences to keep myself going forward. I was triaged today for a domestic abuse support worker at a local charity. This is really happening and it's so bloody scary.

He asked last night if I'm leaving and I said I didn't want to have this conversation with him when he'd had a drink and weed. I'd come in from a 12 hour shift and wasn't ready for that. He slept on the sofa.

I'm just after advice, your own experiences and a hand hold because I'm feeling a bit pathetic.

Hand hold and un-mumsnetty hugs.

You are brave to have talked to the right people and decided on the right action to not tolerate this.

How old are the DC ? are you married v long?

Also useful is 'why does he do that' and other books by Lundy

Well done for posting and for lining up some support. Rooting for you. Stay safe. 💐

In your situation I would ring the police and hopefully he'll be removed and you and the kids can stay put. Well done ,you're being really brave x

I left a man that kicked the shit out of me, took the skin off the side of my face, broke ribs, spat in my face, threatened me with an actual gun.....I could go on.

I was in the papers and the local news.

Have I ever regretted leaving, have I fuck.

It took me about 5 years to finally leave.

He hit my then 5 year old son across the face and that was it, gone the next day.

Do it for your children if you can't do it for yourself.

Hey.

I just wanted to say I've been there and it'll be hard for a while until suddenly you'll realise your life is so much better.

Stay strong.

I'm just posting in here because I'm rooting for you so much OP. Well done on making the decision to go.

You cannot fix him and you are not responsible for his happiness. It can be so difficult to get perspective when you're still in the relationship - you can make all sorts of excuses to yourself of how "this is just a bad patch" or "we're just tired and stressed because the kids are small. It'll get easier as they get older" or "if he/I just get this job, everything will get better" or "he's only got me, he'll won't survive me leaving him". These are all lies we tell, but we don't know that until we're out.

Stepping off the roller-coaster is amazing. Just the predictability and mundanenss of life is brilliant. All the good stuff is ahead of you.

Thanks again for all the messages . They're really helping me stay focused during all this

We've entered what Ive learned recently is the love bombing stage where he's messing me tonight saying he's sorry he's been 'difficult' recently (no actual admission of threatening to hit me though) and it's made me so upset because now I've been to our local woman's aid and told close family I can't do.my usual and forgive and forget. Of course in the long run that's great and means I can't fall back into old patterns where I forgive at the first hint of kindness but God it's sad.

I do wonder if some men are unaware they are following this pattern and are just truly sorry (for now) but fall back I to the patterns of abuse just like the abused do.

He’s deliberately love bombing you, he knows he will go on to abuse you, if you stay. He’s feeling sorry he’s losing his emotional punchbag that’s all. He knows all the buttons to press but you have to put you and DC first, a safe and stable life. Xx

Good luck. Stay strong. Remember that leaving is a real danger point in an abusive relationship, so be careful. Find a life without fear, danger and risk to your children.

OP, how are you getting on? I was searching for previous posts from people in my situation and I came across you. I’m in the same situation and hoping we can be of help to one another?

Be sure to report his behaviour to the police as well as this may help if he starts shenanigans over child custody. Nothing worse than a judge asking “why didn’t you report this?” while he’s sat there acting all innocent.

Good luck though - you’re doing the right thing!