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Original poster

Buy a house on my own or wait and do it with partner?

53 replies

Munchbox123 · 15/07/2025 07:33

Hi I’m in a bit of a difficult situation. Last September I was given notice to leave my rental property as they were selling it so I moved back in with family and put a deposit down on a house to purchase. I have a 7 year old son who I share 50/50 with my ex partner. Whilst going though the house buying process last year I met someone in November who lives an hour away in an 1 bedroom flat and we got together, I spent most of my time there and after a while met my son and they are great with him. My house purchase was taking ages (got to 6 months) and no sign of completion so I pulled out and my new partner said move in with me, I’ll pay my debt off and we’ll do all of that together, this was in May this year.

I moved in and now live here in the flat with them permanently, contribute to the bills which are very little with it only being a 1 bed flat, they’re great with my son and my son enjoys staying here. I’m still saving towards a deposit for when we buy together. Recently we hit a bit of a rough patch which people do when they start living together properly but it came to light that through the rough patch I discovered my partner had been talking/sexting other people (no physical cheating), I confronted them about this and they said it was because they thought we were going to split up because of our rough patch. We have spoken about this they realised they did wrong and apologised and promised me it won’t happen again, we are now coming out the rough patch. My partner has also said they’re not ready to buy a house just yet still they’re happy in this flat and they want it to happen naturally together so we could be talking a couple of years before we move. They also have debt to pay off and a CCJ but I did speak with a mortgage advisor who advised there are ways around it. I thought 2 years is quite a long time still for me to wait so I suggested why don’t I move back out and buy a house on my own, my son will have a bedroom again when he stays with me, we live between two houses and when my partner is ready I will sell that house and we can buy together? I also wanted the security that if they ever did any act of unfaithfulness again I will have a security of my own place to fall back on however they promised they wouldn’t do it again. My partner said me buying a house without them for a couple of years might not work for us because they wouldn’t have my share of the bills coming in anymore which would mean it would take them longer to pay their debt off, they would go back to not having much money again and it might drive a wall between us as we won’t be able to do much together/holidays because of paying for two properties and ultimately they want to do it all with me. My son is happy and I don’t want to drive a wall between us because I love them very much and don’t want the relationship to end.

Do I wait for a couple of years and do this all together or do I go out and buy and risk our relationship? Any thoughts at all please?

OP posts:
CursiveCrisis · 15/07/2025 07:39

Move out. Your son doesn’t have a bedroom and your partner has openly said he needs your contribution to help pay his debts.

The texting is a separate issue, another one you should leave for. Quite a new relationship and he is already texting other women because you were in a rough patch? Bollocks.

CursiveCrisis · 15/07/2025 07:40

And you aren’t risking the relationship, he managed that all by himself.

Lighteningstrikes · 15/07/2025 07:43

Please buy on your own. You will NEVER regret it.

This man will keep dragging you down. He is already. And you will forever regret that you didn’t act.

TwistedWonder · 15/07/2025 07:44

Move out and buy your own house - do not even think about buying b something with this man who is already showing you a lot of red flags.

You've rushed into this wearing rose tinted specs and now his true colours are showing loud and clear - he sees you are a cashpoint !

Cone on OP you've only known this guy a few months, already moved your son in with him and he’s now trying to dictate to you how you spend your own money.

You would be insane to put buying your own home on hold for this freeloader.

Simonjt · 15/07/2025 07:45

50/50 needs to stop until you have an appropriate home for your son, no matter whether you buy together or not.

New2you · 15/07/2025 07:48

Sounds like he is using you and there are lots of red flags. Not a long term partner there.

Original poster
Munchbox123 · 15/07/2025 07:50

He has said if I want to buy then carry on but it might not work for him yet. He’s saying the money towards the bills would be helping him get into a place to buy a house sooner. He said he loves me very much I just don’t know what to do

OP posts:
SpinachSpinachMoreSpinach · 15/07/2025 07:50

What PPs are saying. Prioritise your son and your own best interests.

This man is a walking RED flag…

SpinachSpinachMoreSpinach · 15/07/2025 07:52

Just saw your updat

Do you know the saying “nobody falls in love more quickly than a man in need of a meal ticket and/or a roof over his head”…

TwistedWonder · 15/07/2025 07:52

You don’t know what to do - seriously?? You prioritise your son, buy your own home and free yourself from this controlling cocklodger in waiting.

This one saw you coming

HebeJeeby · 15/07/2025 07:58

Sorry OP but this man is bad with money and has CCJs. You buying a house with him might affect your credit rating as your finances/home will be linked with his. Your son needs a home and bedroom of his own. You must prioritise that. This man is selfish as he doesn’t care about your son’s needs only his - he sees you as a means to improve his own finances and wants you to put your own plans on hold so he can benefit from you financially. Also, as if that wasn’t reason enough to leave, he’s been sexting other women and for the flimsiest of reasons. This man is one you really should be throwing back. He’s not honest or trustworthy. Both those issues alone are reason enough to walk away but both together just make the case more compelling. Sorry i know it’s hard when you meet someone you think you could have a future with but he’s not the one. Time to put yourself and your son’s future front and centre.

Mingusthebrave · 15/07/2025 07:59

He is not putting you or your son’s needs first.
That will never change. That is not a partnership. That is you existing to service his needs. That is you sidelining your son to keep the ‘big man’ happy.
Get out now while you still can, while you still have your dignity, self esteem and house deposit.

RentalWoesNotFun · 15/07/2025 08:00

Move out and get your own place. Who knows what will happen in your relationship. The one with your son therefor trumps that.

TheSandgroper · 15/07/2025 08:02

You’re his bangmaid and you pay him to be it. And he gets to sext other women and you still say “oh yes, I’ll buy a house with you and pay for it, too”.

He’s a happy man.

You need to grow up.

sammylady37 · 15/07/2025 08:02

Ffs. Another woman putting her need for cock ahead of her child’s best interests. You moved your son in with someone after 6 months?? And into a flat where he doesn’t even have his own bedroom? And you’re thinking of tying yourself financially to someone who has debts and has been sexting others? Are you honestly that desperate to have a man in your life? I hope your son’s father is looking out for his interests because you certainly aren’t.

Zanatdy · 15/07/2025 08:05

Where is your son sleeping? Sorry but prioritise yourself and your son, not someone who is already cheating on you.

KaitlynnFairchild · 15/07/2025 08:06

Move out, buy your house and put your son first he needs a bedroom.

You have been with this guy a few months and he’s cheated already, he’s in debt and sees you as a cash machine.

Holdonforsummer · 15/07/2025 08:06

How many red flags can you you cram into one post, OP? Sexting other women, CCJs, son doesn’t even have a bedroom….. buy on your own! If the relationship is going to stand the rest of time, there is plenty of time to move in together down the line.

Firefly100 · 15/07/2025 08:07

Buy your own home now. 100%. I see that you talk a lot about how paying the bills is helping him, but how is it helping you and your son? Why pay rent when you could be spending that on a mortgage and buying equity? Why are you prioritising a grown man over your son? Also, why do you want to rush to buy a home with someone with poor money management history anyway? Particularly where there are issues so soon into the relationship. You are both responsible for ALL the mortgage remember, not just your half. If your relationship lasts he is going to destroy your financial stability. Put your son first. If im wrong and he turns it all around and you are happy ever after then great, you have lost nothing, but what if im not?

Sayshesheshe · 15/07/2025 08:08

You moved your son in after less than 8 months of knowing someone? Put him first and buy your own place.

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/07/2025 08:08

Agree with others. Buy your own place op. If you want to carry on the relationship that’s fine (I wouldn’t, the man is a lying, walking red flag, but you’ll do you) but you and your child will have security.

KaitlynnFairchild · 15/07/2025 08:10

Munchbox123 · 15/07/2025 07:50

He has said if I want to buy then carry on but it might not work for him yet. He’s saying the money towards the bills would be helping him get into a place to buy a house sooner. He said he loves me very much I just don’t know what to do

Who cares if it doesn’t work for him. It works for your son and it works for you.

He can pay his debts at whatever speed he likes, you won’t be in any rush as you have a secure home.

Are you honestly considering your son still having no bedroom at 8, 9 10?

Ragruggers · 15/07/2025 08:10

Where is your son sleeping in 1 bed room flat? Your child needs his own room as you well know so why does your boy come second to this man? Buy your own home with 2 bedrooms then if this man saves and gets out of debt in a few years you can buy together.I doubt that will happen he will find another women to move in and pay his debts as you are doing.Do the right thing and good luck.

TwistedWonder · 15/07/2025 08:11

sammylady37 · 15/07/2025 08:02

Ffs. Another woman putting her need for cock ahead of her child’s best interests. You moved your son in with someone after 6 months?? And into a flat where he doesn’t even have his own bedroom? And you’re thinking of tying yourself financially to someone who has debts and has been sexting others? Are you honestly that desperate to have a man in your life? I hope your son’s father is looking out for his interests because you certainly aren’t.

Depressing isn’t it? Every day another MN thread with a mother tying herself into a pretzel to please a fuckwit with more red flags than the Russian army on May Day meanwhile the child is an afterthought and lower priority than having a random in her bed.

harpytohelp · 15/07/2025 08:11

Run far, he’s not a keeper.

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