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Original poster

Buy a house on my own or wait and do it with partner?

53 replies

Munchbox123 · 15/07/2025 07:33

Hi I’m in a bit of a difficult situation. Last September I was given notice to leave my rental property as they were selling it so I moved back in with family and put a deposit down on a house to purchase. I have a 7 year old son who I share 50/50 with my ex partner. Whilst going though the house buying process last year I met someone in November who lives an hour away in an 1 bedroom flat and we got together, I spent most of my time there and after a while met my son and they are great with him. My house purchase was taking ages (got to 6 months) and no sign of completion so I pulled out and my new partner said move in with me, I’ll pay my debt off and we’ll do all of that together, this was in May this year.

I moved in and now live here in the flat with them permanently, contribute to the bills which are very little with it only being a 1 bed flat, they’re great with my son and my son enjoys staying here. I’m still saving towards a deposit for when we buy together. Recently we hit a bit of a rough patch which people do when they start living together properly but it came to light that through the rough patch I discovered my partner had been talking/sexting other people (no physical cheating), I confronted them about this and they said it was because they thought we were going to split up because of our rough patch. We have spoken about this they realised they did wrong and apologised and promised me it won’t happen again, we are now coming out the rough patch. My partner has also said they’re not ready to buy a house just yet still they’re happy in this flat and they want it to happen naturally together so we could be talking a couple of years before we move. They also have debt to pay off and a CCJ but I did speak with a mortgage advisor who advised there are ways around it. I thought 2 years is quite a long time still for me to wait so I suggested why don’t I move back out and buy a house on my own, my son will have a bedroom again when he stays with me, we live between two houses and when my partner is ready I will sell that house and we can buy together? I also wanted the security that if they ever did any act of unfaithfulness again I will have a security of my own place to fall back on however they promised they wouldn’t do it again. My partner said me buying a house without them for a couple of years might not work for us because they wouldn’t have my share of the bills coming in anymore which would mean it would take them longer to pay their debt off, they would go back to not having much money again and it might drive a wall between us as we won’t be able to do much together/holidays because of paying for two properties and ultimately they want to do it all with me. My son is happy and I don’t want to drive a wall between us because I love them very much and don’t want the relationship to end.

Do I wait for a couple of years and do this all together or do I go out and buy and risk our relationship? Any thoughts at all please?

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 15/07/2025 08:13

TwistedWonder · 15/07/2025 08:11

Depressing isn’t it? Every day another MN thread with a mother tying herself into a pretzel to please a fuckwit with more red flags than the Russian army on May Day meanwhile the child is an afterthought and lower priority than having a random in her bed.

Show quote history

It’s awful, so so sad. People on here love to blather on about how selfless mothers are and how they’d do absolutely anything for their kids, and it’s a love like no other etc etc etc but every single day there are posts demonstrating the exact opposite. I feel so sorry for the poor children involved in these shit shows.

mambojambodothetango · 15/07/2025 08:13

I was in a similar position 20 years ago and went ahead and bought on my own. As it turns out, we did then move forward with the relationship and a couple of years later I sold up after we had committed to buying a new place together. We're now married and have DC. It wasn't the wrong decision at the time because I didn't know where the relationship was going and it bought me the time and freedom to decide that I did want to be with him forever. Don't buy a house with someone you aren't sure you want to be with forever.

FourLove · 15/07/2025 08:14

Don’t buy with this man, it’s much too soon. Buy on your own so you have the security.

Pleasealexa · 15/07/2025 08:14

Where is your son sleeping? This is not a sustainable solution and I think you were crazy/desperate to move with your son when you don't know this man well enough.

He is not working in YOUR interests, his focus is him..."help me pay off my debt" whilst putting your son in a unstable situation.

This man has made his bad behaviour your fault..so many red flags. It would be ok if you were single but you are dragging your 7 year old into this and trust me...your son will get older and realise you put a man ahead of him.

namethisbird · 15/07/2025 08:14

Munchbox123 · 15/07/2025 07:50

He has said if I want to buy then carry on but it might not work for him yet. He’s saying the money towards the bills would be helping him get into a place to buy a house sooner. He said he loves me very much I just don’t know what to do

So he is using you to improve his financial prospects?
Let me get this right, you have a son yet you live in a one bedroom flat? Where does your son sleep?

You have been with this partner for eight months and you have already introduced him to your son and you have your son living with him?

You need to prioritise your son here or hand full custody over to his father it’s clear from what I have read that your priority is a man you have known for eight months, who is already texting other women and using you to further his financial prospects.

Your son deserves better.

Digdongdoo · 15/07/2025 08:15

You shouldn't have moved in together in the first place. Too soon and there's no space for your child. What were you thinking. End the relationship, move out and buy your own house.

VaddaABeetch · 15/07/2025 08:19

If you were 2 single people, no kids, no debt it would still be too soon to buy a house together.

Im going to say it. You don’t know this man yet Yoh let him live with your 7 year old in this man’s flat. Your poor 7 year old doesn’t even have a room of his own.

you are putting your son at risk.

TwistedWonder · 15/07/2025 08:20

Recently we hit a bit of a rough patch which people do when they start living together properly but it came to light that through the rough patch I discovered my partner had been talking/sexting other people (no physical cheating), I confronted them about this and they said it was because they thought we were going to split up because of our rough patch. We have spoken about this they realised they did wrong and apologised and promised me it won’t happen again

JFC - cheating scummy blokes really will come out with any old shit to blame women for them being lying wankers.

A few months in and a grind man had to be told sexting other women was wrong his the poor ickle lamb had no idea.

PashaMinaMio · 15/07/2025 08:20

sammylady37 · 15/07/2025 08:02

Ffs. Another woman putting her need for cock ahead of her child’s best interests. You moved your son in with someone after 6 months?? And into a flat where he doesn’t even have his own bedroom? And you’re thinking of tying yourself financially to someone who has debts and has been sexting others? Are you honestly that desperate to have a man in your life? I hope your son’s father is looking out for his interests because you certainly aren’t.

This^
Wake up woman and smell the coffee.

cgiwaly · 15/07/2025 08:21

.My partner said me buying a house without them for a couple of years might not work for us because they wouldn’t have my share of the bills coming in anymore which would mean it would take them longer to pay their debt off, they would go back to not having much money again and it might drive a wall between us as we won’t be able to do much together/holidays because of paying for two properties and ultimately they want to do it all with me.

He saw you coming. You aren't a cash cow for him to milk.

I think it's awful that your son doesn't have his own room when you have the means to provide him with his own home and his own room.
Part of me hopes this is a made up thread. If it's not you need to take a long hard look at yourself.
I can't believe you are even considering staying 2 or even more years in a one bed flat to help some random bloke pay off his debt instead of buying your own place and providing security and stability for your son.
Where is he sleeping in this one bed flat?

Awful. Just awful.

Buy a property, move out and then see what happens with the so-called partner

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 15/07/2025 08:23

Do the responsible thing and buy a place for you and your son.
If he was a decent man he would support you in this and your relationship would go on.
But I'm fairly certain he's a wrong 'un. 🤔

whynotmereally · 15/07/2025 08:26

Get your own house and security for you and your child.
seriously consider leaving this man who has debt and thinks it’s ok to message other women behind your back

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/07/2025 08:26

You prioritise stability and a bedroom for your son and buy on your own. And don’t enter into any arrangements rhat mean if this relationship fails you lose the house. Ie ignore any suggestions to put him on the mortgage.

MissMoan · 15/07/2025 08:27

Buy your own place - you can enjoy the freedom, and your DS will have his own space. It sounds like your DP is relying on you to pay off his debt, which is not a good sign. Good luck, OP

Ellie1015 · 15/07/2025 08:34

Buy your house. It may delay him a little longer but you being on the property ladder and son having a bedroom are your priorities. When he is ready to buy you can look at what works for you and ds at that point. I can see the benefits to him if you stay but none for your son.

If it is true love he will understand and respect you prioritising financial stability for you and your child. As he was setting at first sign of problem I expect he isnt the one. But either way buy your house.

IanStirlingrocks · 15/07/2025 08:39

So in the 9 months you have known him you have introduced him to your son, moved both of you in with him(giving up your house and leaving your son without a bedroom) been cheated on (yes I consider it cheating) and been made to feel responsible for his debts.
I also can’t see anything from what you’ve written that suggests he is concerned about how much you have given up and about yours and your son’s well-being. According to your post he has only talked about how hard he will find it to pay off his debts and how the arrangement might not work for him.
Op, please see the red flags and prioritise yourself and your son. Move away from this situation, buy your own house, separate your finances from his and if you must carry on dating him, keep him at arm’s length from your finances and your child because he doesn’t sound like he will be a positive influence on yours or your child’s lives.

LardoBurrows · 15/07/2025 08:39

sammylady37 · 15/07/2025 08:02

Ffs. Another woman putting her need for cock ahead of her child’s best interests. You moved your son in with someone after 6 months?? And into a flat where he doesn’t even have his own bedroom? And you’re thinking of tying yourself financially to someone who has debts and has been sexting others? Are you honestly that desperate to have a man in your life? I hope your son’s father is looking out for his interests because you certainly aren’t.

This post nails it.

FGS Op wake up and take the rose coloured glasses off.

Lafufufu · 15/07/2025 08:42

CursiveCrisis · 15/07/2025 07:39

Move out. Your son doesn’t have a bedroom and your partner has openly said he needs your contribution to help pay his debts.

The texting is a separate issue, another one you should leave for. Quite a new relationship and he is already texting other women because you were in a rough patch? Bollocks.

This.

Buy on your own the only man you ever share a mortgage with should be your son.

Such depressing reading...
Your poor son...

KaitlynnFairchild · 15/07/2025 08:42

Whatever you do - DO NOT use your saved deposit to pay off his debts to speed up the process of buying together.

autumndays13 · 15/07/2025 08:45

Do not buy a house with this man. Find a better a place for you and your son. The relationship does not sound good at all even with your positive/rose tinted view of it.

ShoeeMcfee · 15/07/2025 08:46

Lighteningstrikes · 15/07/2025 07:43

Please buy on your own. You will NEVER regret it.

This man will keep dragging you down. He is already. And you will forever regret that you didn’t act.

I agree.

Dontcallmescarface · 15/07/2025 08:58

He has said if I want to buy then carry on but it might not work for him yet.

No, because what "works for him" is racking up debts to the point where he gets a CCJ and then getting a gullible fool to bail him out, whilst he treats them like an idiot. Honestly OP, open your eyes and get the fuck out of there whilst you still have your money and your pride, because given the chance he will take both from you.

Cantbelieveit888 · 15/07/2025 09:04

This man sounds absolutely awful!

get rid of him!!

he’s using you for

sex
money

on top of that he’s sexting/texting other women?

wake up and think about your child first!!!!

get rid.

Original poster
Munchbox123 · 15/07/2025 09:06

Thank you everyone! I know what I need to do. I already went ahead with mortgage application and have got the offer so I think deep down I knew what I had to do and I was going to do it :)

OP posts:
Sassybooklover · 15/07/2025 09:20

Glad to see from your update that you have decided to buy on your own. Your son must be priority here, and him having his own bedroom is a must. I'm sorry to say but this man is waving a lot of red flags as far as I can see. You go through a 'rough patch', and his first thought is to start sexting other women????!! He's hardly going to be Mr Supportive during a major crisis is he, if he can't cope with the ups and downs of a normal relationship!! I'm afraid I don't believe his explanation, it's bull, with bells on. This is who he is, and he's showing you very clearly. You're useful, living with him as your contributing to his bills and it allows him to pay back his debts quicker. I would be asking yourself, how responsible is he with money? He's admitted to CCJ, and debts. Why is he in debt? Is it because he's dreadful with money, lives beyond his means etc? Someone who is financially incompatible, isn't someone you want to be entwined with. Don't buy with him, keep your own home, don't add him to the deeds/mortgage and separate finances. Personally, I'd be dumping him for sexting other women, as this will just continue.