Feel So Guilty

[Momchick]

Hi, I need some advice. My mother in law is in town and we went shopping the other day. While we were out my m.i.l. decided to treat me to lunch. After we returned home, my husband was angry that we didn't bring him anything from the restaurant. I tried to explain that it was just lunch- nothing fancy. He's still upset and hasn't spoken to me or my mother in law( his mom) in days. I feel guilty but we weren't intentionally leaving him out. As my suggestions to get back into his good graces?

I wouldn't bother. If he takes the hump over you and his own mother going out for lunch then he'll only find something else to sulk about.

Nailed it. Don't pander to this bullshit.

Ridiculous. What a petulant toddler. Ignore him. Definitely don’t fall in line with this nonsense or you’ll accidentally train him that this is the way to behave.

Really odd behavior. He wasn't there for lunch. If he want a lunch perhaps he should take his mum out for one.

Tell him to grow up.

I'd actually be planning to get divorced.

Need advice?
LTB.

Oh he sounds repulsive

He’s a pathetic man- toddler
WTF does he think he missed out on ? A doggy bag or that you might have brought him up in conversation?
I had a lovely relationship with my ex Mil( she’s gone now, bless her) and I loved her more than my ex h!
Even he just said something like “ That’s nice, Dear” which is what yours should’ve said
Do Not pander to him and Do not hesitate to have lunch with MiL again

He can’t be your husband, 5 year olds can’t marry!

FFS, tell him to get a grip!

What an absolute man baby. Is he usually so ridiculous?!

Who brings home food from the restaurant for someone else?

This is a bit odd.

The man is a total twat and is being utterly ridiculous and jealous about a non-event.

You have nothing to be guilty about. Let him stew in his own juice, and start planning your divorce from him.

“suggestions to get back into his good graces?”
sorry but wrong question. Correct question, “given he is being completely unreasonable how do I make him see this?”
Personally I would wait him out with the no speaks, please don’t feel guilty- why on earth should you? Then when he finally gets over himself to talk to you tell him it is perfectly reasonable to go to lunch when you are shopping with someone and you will continue to do so in the future, he is welcome to do the same. Oh, and he needs to behave like an adult and not attempt the no speaks as you will not stand for it. It is not the behaviour of a grown individual capable of articulating their grievance. Tell him next time he does it, whether he is in the right or not, you will time it and add double the amount of time immediately afterwards where you will not speak to him as this is not reasonable behaviour and you won’t tolerate it.

I’ve eaten out in cafes, pubs and restaurants about a gazillion times over my lifetime and I can say hand on heart I’ve never once ordered a meal to take home for someone who didn’t join us for out meal.

You’re asking the wrong question - you should be asking how to tell him he’s a pathetic sulking man baby who needs to grow the fuck up.

He’s angry you didn’t bring him anything from the restaurant? How bizarre! What restaurants routinely bag up food other than a take away. You have married a child unfortunately. His mum must wonder how this has happened! I’d be ashamed and angry.

My suggestion would be to dump this man baby who uses irrational emotional blackmail for completely insane reasons and be single until you find someone worthy.

What an immature wanker.

Please don’t feel guilty! He’s an adult, he has the ability to go to a shop and buy himself something nice if he wants to. Really sorry he soured your nice day out.

Oh yes, and by the way, ignoring you or 'stonewalling' is abuse. Just in case you thought it was just a minor strop, he is actually being abusive towards you. And I bet this isn't the first time.

You need better boundaries! Its his behaviour that is unacceptable in a mutually respectful relationship, not yours.

Read this for example

Use Boundaries for More Respect and a Better Marriage

^^

Are you serious?
Is this real?

Secure people use boundaries and are more attractive for it. Reasonable boundaries build respect; unreasonable ones build contempt. Boundaries, like a fire extinguisher, should only be used when necessary to prevent greater harm. Failing to use them, like failing to use a fire extinguisher when needed, can lead to disaster.

Don’t expect your spouse to work cooperatively on creating boundaries to limit his or her bad behavior. Neither couple’s counseling nor couple’s coaching is appropriate for that. Couple’s work often helps to promote understanding and clarify differences, but offers little in the way for changing an unempathetic spouse.

You can go around and around talking about things you and your spouse disagree on, or you can learn to be valuable and to use good boundaries

Why the fuck do you even want to be in his good graces? You've done nothing wrong. Tell him to stop being a whiny tittty baby and get over whatever his problem is. And giving you the silent treatment is abusive as fuck

“my husband was angry that we didn't bring him anything from the restaurant.”

This isn’t the US where they have doggy bags - I don’t know of any restaurants where you could order a “take out”. Your DH is being absolutely ridiculous - you were out with HIS mother. What on earth does MIL say about the fact that he “hasn’t spoken to [either of] you in days”? This is controlling behaviour and a big red flag - you need to think very carefully about what to do next.