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Original poster

Am I in the wrong

41 replies

RubyRobin90 · 12/07/2025 07:01

Myself (F 34) and partner (M30) have been together 6 years 3 kids together and I have a child from previous, anyway he's always known I wanted marriage etc and he always seemed to be on the same page but now it feels like he has done a complete 360 because to him its wrong that I told him my kids come before anyone, myself and him included he doesn't agree and thinks the kids should come second to him, what are your thoughts xx

OP posts:
springruns · 12/07/2025 07:33

Your kids should always come first. He sounds controlling. Has he said he now doesn’t want to marry you?

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 07:35

Married 38 years, two children.

The moment we had children, they came first.

It’s life.

whynotmereally · 12/07/2025 07:38

Of course kids come first and they should to him too. But to say he doesn’t want to get married because of that is really childish. Is he like this in other ways?

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 07:41

whynotmereally · 12/07/2025 07:38

Of course kids come first and they should to him too. But to say he doesn’t want to get married because of that is really childish. Is he like this in other ways?

I get vibes of that’s a bad good excuse?

StrawberryCranberry · 12/07/2025 07:42

This can't really be the reason OP. He just doesn't want to marry you.

KaitlynnFairchild · 12/07/2025 07:44

He’s grasping at straws for a reason to not get married. Of course kids come first that’s totally normal.

Original poster
RubyRobin90 · 12/07/2025 07:53

We've had our share of ups and downs like bickering arguing but I mean what couple doesn't but I think he has an unrealistic thoughts on a 'perfect' relationship like never argue sex everyday, he can be very childish. I habe also caught him messaging others over the years but choose to forgive and work through it, and i feel like I'm just being strung along Sorry I'm new to this so unsure how to respond individually. I'm just at the point now where I think am I wasting my time

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 12/07/2025 08:00

And another thread where a woman "chose to forgive" cheating in the early days and is surprised to later discover her 'partner' is selfish and immature in other ways too.

Yes, OP, you're wasting your time.

OchreRaven · 12/07/2025 08:02

Very unattractive that he wouldn’t put his kids first even if it’s you that he would put first — but it isn’t. He puts himself first which he has demonstrated by messaging other women for attention because no doubt you were busy raising his children. He doesn’t want to get married because he isn’t 100% committed and is still waiting to see if anyone else comes along he wants more. And in that scenario he definitely isn’t staying together for the sake of the kids. I would get out on your terms when you are ready. He’s not got your families best interests at heart.

Gettingbysomehow · 12/07/2025 08:05

Cart before horse. If you don't get him to marry you before children he won't marry you. Now he's using the kids as an excuse.
Sex every day with three kids lol. He's a fantasist as well.

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/07/2025 08:08

You are wasting your time. He’s a cheat, and is emotionally immature.

Dont waste any more time. You have all the information you need so any more agonising over it is pointless OP.

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 08:09

🤦‍♀️

Talk about drip feed!

Springtimehere · 12/07/2025 08:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OfficerChurlish · 12/07/2025 08:16

Is he serious? Of course, in some cases you're going to put him first for the moment, like if you're out for a special anniversary dinner and the children are calling you every few minutes with something totally trivial, you put the phone away and concentrate on him. But in general and overall, the children have to come before your partner because your partner's an adult who can take care of himself if necessary while the children are completely dependent on you (and their other parent). You'd be putting them first even if they were your children with him, and he'd do the same (or should).

But it sounds like you already know he's a tosser, so toss him back.

HelloCheekyCat · 12/07/2025 08:21

That's a lot of kids in a short space of time, how long were you together before the first?
If.it was early days it's likely that you didn't really.know each other and rushed into a.relationship. He's shown his true colours cheating but you forgive him "for the DC" and are surprised that he's actually a twat.

Bowlandbillow · 12/07/2025 08:25

You have four children. Your oldest is from a previous relationship. How old is your eldest? In six years together you have had three more children. It is a lot for a thirty year old man who by the sound of it, isn’t as committed as you would like. Do you work OP? Are you financially secure? Is your eldest child’s father involved? Does he pay CMS?
You need to think about how you would cope on your own. Can you manage to house your four children on your own. I hope so because you have a lot on your plate and not much in the way of support from a partner who is constantly on the look out for something better.

Channellingsophistication · 12/07/2025 08:25

Of course your children come before anyone else. It would bother me that he thinks his welfare is more important than that of his children...

chatgptsbestmate · 12/07/2025 08:28

He is looking for an excuse not to get married. Hes gaslighting and bullshitting you to make sure it's all your fault

Kids come first. Always

lifeisgoodrightnow · 12/07/2025 08:30

I’m going to go against the grain here. Children are important ( obviously) and when small and vulnerable they absolutely take priority but they grow and leave and you need your relationship with your partner to survive that. I’ve always prioritised my DH married 30 years 4 kids very happy.

TwistedWonder · 12/07/2025 08:31

HelloCheekyCat · 12/07/2025 08:21

That's a lot of kids in a short space of time, how long were you together before the first?
If.it was early days it's likely that you didn't really.know each other and rushed into a.relationship. He's shown his true colours cheating but you forgive him "for the DC" and are surprised that he's actually a twat.

100% this - 3 kids in 6 years is rushing things.

He's shown you a whole parade of red flags and you’ve chosen to ignore them.

BabyCatFace · 12/07/2025 08:33

3 kids in 6 years is a lot, especially with someone who cheats on you. At least you've got your priorities right now, obviously you shouldn't marry a childish cheater who you bicker and argue with. Not all couples bicker by the way.

TwistedWonder · 12/07/2025 08:33

GreyCarpet · 12/07/2025 08:00

And another thread where a woman "chose to forgive" cheating in the early days and is surprised to later discover her 'partner' is selfish and immature in other ways too.

Yes, OP, you're wasting your time.

Every bloody day on here - my partner is kind caring and a great father but……….(insert list of red flags showing he’s a complete and utter twat)

dontcryformeargentina · 12/07/2025 08:35

In the wrong for choosing him as a father of your three children and a step dad to your first one.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 12/07/2025 08:36

Yup. Many, many women are so desperate to have children they’ll tolerate almost anything to get them.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 12/07/2025 08:37

dontcryformeargentina · 12/07/2025 08:35

In the wrong for choosing him as a father of your three children and a step dad to your first one.

Yup. Many, many women are so desperate to have children they’ll tolerate almost anything to get them.

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