My husband just told me I’m an embarrassment

[Gbug207]

Hi, I’m menopausal and really struggling with spinning all these plates in life. I’ve put on a lot of weight and become quite reclusive , my husband just told me I’m a terrible role model to my teenage girls and now it just feel horrendous

He is correct. Staying with a man who would say such awful things is a terrible example for your daughters. Leave him and show them the correct path in life.

Well he sounds like he’s being a bit of a twat today, is he usually or is this out of the norm for him?

The questions I would be asking him are:

• Now that you’ve noticed I’m struggling, what do you intend to do to take some of these plates off of my hands?
• What kind of role model are you to our teenage girls? Are you hoping one day they’ll find a husband who hurts their feelings like you hurt mine?

He is obviously not happy with things the way that they are. He needs to be part of the solution though.

I do kind of get what he’s saying. BUT I would expect my DP to help me when things get tough, not put me down. It sounds like things are really difficult at the moment.

What plates are you spinning? What can be put down for the moment? What can be done to help?

First post nails it!! 🏆

Have you considered HRT to help? Are you reclusive because of anxiety over the way you look or is there a different reason? Can your husband assist in the plate spinning or is he only good at criticising you?

I would look into therapy (try BACP), there are some good books on building your self esteem (try The Six Pillars of Self Esteem). Visiting your GP for a check up and a discussion on HRT and weight loss might be an idea. Lots of councils have free weight loss schemes. Overeaters Anonymous is another alternative.

First post nailed it.

You are NOT the problem. What is he doing to support you? If he can see you are struggling why isn’t he helping instead of trying to shame you when you least need it? He sounds dreadful.

Yes he does. He needs to FO and shut the door from the outside. 👍

Love this

I imagine he is spinning plates though with teenage girls, work etc. If you’re becoming a recluse that’s worrying. I imagine he is concerned as to how things have changed significantly. I also imagine this is not the first time he has made reference to it, and now he’s said it more harshly?

Why must she leave him? Maybe he’s tried to help, maybe gaining loads of weight and being reclusive IS a poor example to model for teenage daughters. Perhaps he didn’t phrase it well, we don’t know. But if the op has become reclusive/piled on loads of weight/ is feeling very stressed etc looking at the big picture is more important than a knee jerk reaction of LTB

I don't live with the OP, he does. I would not be so quick to say throw him out, when I have no idea about their lives, apart from a few paragraphs from the OP, who has not said anything further, as yet.

What exactly is he embarrassed about OP?

Did he say that out of nowhere? I’d imagine, since you married him and stayed married, that he ain’t usually a proper dickhead so… what’s been happening on the lead up?

Was this a final straw moment where he snapped? What’s been going on with you, and what’s he been doing to try and motivate you or help out before he went down this route?

Or is it really as you’ve said and there has been nothing at all until this?

I love this so much. Well done BoredZelda... nailed it.

I'm in the same boat . Although my dh has not said anything like that. He has said that maybe I should see my GP.
But i did want to add i remember my mum at this stage and she definitely changed but I dont recall it being paticularly negative. Probably to wrapped up in teenage life to truly notice.
But now looking back it just makes me respect her even more. Given how much she had to cope with at that time .

What is he doing to help you out? Or is he just being an arse?

He is very disciplined and doesn’t understand anyone struggling with anything. He says he’s happy all the time and then every few months he has a blow out and tells me I’m shit !

First post nails it.

Tell him to fuck off - I bet he isn’t perfect is he?? What a twat!! Show your girls how strong you can be….

What exactly has he said OP? First you said embarrassment and then you’re shit. What are you struggling with?

So the nice/nasty cycle of abuse he metes out to you is indeed a continuous one.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

If anyone is shit here it’s him. And he is a shocking example of a father to his daughters let alone you as a husband.

A lot of ltb to this op!
This needs a conversation first - yes I feel horrendous and I’m struggling. What can you do to lighten my load?
Plus a visit to the GP - hrt may help, GPs seem willing to help with weight loss when asked for help with that.

Doesn’t sound disciplined at all if he can’t keep his emotions in check for more than a couple of months without verbally abusing you.

He sounds very much like he should be your ex-husband so that your daughters can see exactly what they should and shouldn’t be willing to put up with

Raising teenage girls is bloody hard work. The emotional load is HEAVY. I find it far harder than newborns /toddlers and anything in between .No doubt you’re doing this and struggling with all the other things that come with this life phase too. Good news for you is that if you fancy, you can lose the weight. For him to change his nasty mindset will be a lot more difficult. It might be easier to just bin him right off .