My husband just told me I’m an embarrassment

[Gbug207]

Hi, I’m menopausal and really struggling with spinning all these plates in life. I’ve put on a lot of weight and become quite reclusive , my husband just told me I’m a terrible role model to my teenage girls and now it just feel horrendous

He doesn’t sound like a nice person and you would probably be better off removing him from your life.

That said, menopause is affecting your quality of life and there are things you can do to improve the situation (for you, not him).

Consider your options in terms of HRT if it’s suitable for you. If you drink alcohol, consider eliminating it. It does you no favours mentally or physically. Take a look at your diet. The chances are you can make some easy changes that will make a difference in your weight and mood. Get out and move. Walking is great and you will feel better straight away. Other types of exercise is very beneficial, weight training especially, but don’t over complicate things to begin with.

Initiate a few changes and you will see benefits that will have a knock on effect on your mood and willingness to socialise.

So out of the blue he's just announced you're an embarassment? In which case, I'm with everyone else that he sounds lik ea complete and utter twat.

I would, however, consider whether within his twattiness, there is room to consider the underlying point - that you are not behaving in a way that is good for you or your daughters? He should be HELPING you, not putting you down, but what exactly is happening. The word "reclusive" worries me - our children need us to be available to them including taking them places or doing things, or allowing others into our homes and being welcoming etc. we smooth a lot of the way for them so, with or without your H, what can/should you be doing to make things better?

Of course, if "reclusive" means you just dn't want to party on af riday night with the "gang" anymore, just ignore the above!

The menopause is more disorienting and difficult than I’d ever anticipated. I’ve gone from being calm, laid back and easy going to tearful, paranoid and cross about tiny things in the space of 6 months. Poor DH doesn’t know what has hit him. He looks a bit like a rabbit in the proverbial headlights when I’m having a ‘moment’! 😬 However - has he called me names, got cross with me or said horrible things? No, of course not because that’s not how good husbands behave when their wives are going through a hard time. He’s sat me down, asked me to explain, apologised for not understanding properly and told me he loves me over and over again. Marriage isn’t just for when things are going well and the other person is doing what you want them to do, it’s sticking together and supporting each other through the ups and downs. This is the kind of man my DD has seen her dad be to me all her life and unsurprisingly she’s chosen a husband who treats her wonderfully too. Your DH needs reminding that his girls are watching how he behaves too and it will have an impact on their own expectations for future relationships.

Re how you’re feeling at the moment - HRT has helped me and vitamin D has had a hugely helpful effect. You can’t take it long term because it has side effects on your bones but maybe a short burst would help.

All the best.

My step dad said my mum was an embarrassment he was not wrong.

Look after yourself for you:

Get your hair styled.
Go through your wardrobe and update it as needed, refresh and throw out old, outdated clothes.
Relax about the weight gain and consider what needs to be changed.
Will your teenage girls get behind you and eat healthily as a summer project.

Tell husband HE is an embarrassment. Get out of the house every day, go walking. Get up and out early every day, if possible.

@Gbug207 I think more detail is required here. Maybe you have become too reclusive and are suffering from some sort of depression. Do you think he is right yet only telling us a fragment of the conversation.

My ex would have said similar about me after my c section, very much a pull yourself together attitude. We did split for other reasons but that was a big one, just no compassion.

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