Hi All,
I have posted a couple of times last year and I found the answers very helpful in seeing my situation through another perspective. I was told to leave my partner, and I know really it probably would have been the right thing to do but it's difficult as most of you can probably understand. This is long apologies!
My last post was around my partner asking me to take equity of out my house (70k) for him to start property investing and when I said no, he treated me quite cruely.
Anyway fast forward a year.
Things have just been quite rubbish for the last year. I have a 14 year old son with autism and it does complicate my life a little but it has never stopped me and my partner doing stuff together as I have another DS who is 16 and he helps out a lot with his brother. My Partner has always kind of resented my autistic DS and has never built a relationship with him, in fact he has done things that upset my DS like making noises (my DS sometimes makes noises as stimming) it would really upset my DS when my partner would make all these nosies and I told him to stop many times but his reply was "I like making noises, I've been making noises long before him". I found it very immature tbh. There have been many other things so in 2023 I found an open viagra packet, questioned my partner and at first he said he had no idea what it was, then suddenly remembered he had used it when we went away for my birthday. He's never had to use viagra so I found it very strange. Last year I went through his work phone and found a phone number in there with the name "cu**" I quickly took the number out and added in my phone and it was a woman. I dare not contact her as i just didn't want to know. I questioned my partner and he denied he knew who it was. I kind of brused it all under thr carpet. Since then I've found it very difficult to be intimate or show my partner love, as it was constantly in the back of my mind.
So about a month ago, my DS has a bit of a mental breakdown, I had to call the emergency psychiatrist. It was an absolute hell of a week, I had to supervise him 24/7 and hadn't slept for 3 solid days, couldn't eat It was honestly the worst week of my life. My Partner offered no support, in fact he just complained that I wasn't sleeping in the bed with him as I was having to sleep with my DS and tbst i didnt want sex. Well after 4 days I said to my partner that I was going to have to call my DS father and ask him to come and help me as my DS was not responding and I literally could not do this on my own, there was talking of my DS having to be admitted to crisis hospital. There is no way my DS dad and my partner could be in the same house. I asked my partner if he would stay at his friends house for a couple of weeks until I could get DS well again. His friend has a house about 30 mins away thst is empty and my partner used to live there before we were together, he sometimes goes there to see his friend it's a place he knows and is welcome at. He said yes he would give me time but that he wasn't happy my DS dad would come here, tbh neither was I, but I was desperate to help my DS. Well after a few days my partner started to turn nasty saying I had thrown him out to move my ex in, which is absolutely not the case, I just wanted my DS dad to be able to come here to try and help DS while in crisis. My Partner then said thst he had hated living with me and that my son made his life a misery as he was loud and repetitive, how he had wanted to leave me for months but felt bad, and admitted that in 2023 when things between us were great, that he had been talking to the woman in the phone. I know it was not just talking. We are 43 not 14, his intentions were to sleep with her even if he didn't but I know he did and that's where the viagra came into it.
So we have been apart a month but still talking every day but he is making out that this is all my fault how it's unacceptable I asked him to stay at his friends, I did say to him if he had taken the time to build a relationship with my DS then I could have relied on him and he could have helped but my DS doesn't like him and kind of runs away when he sees him. My DS dad did not end up coming to help, I kind of just got through it on my own, my son is now on medication.
I still am finding myself trying to save this relationship as I feel it is my fault as I asked him to leave for that period.
I don't know what to think.
Was this an unreasonable request? Not that it matters i guess but this is my house, that my partner moved into when we got together, he pays minimal, £400 a month for everything, bills food etc which many on here said was a p* take. But irrelevant of that, should I have handled this another way? It'd like the whole cheating is irrelevant and not anywhere near as bad as me asking him to stay at his friends.