And now MIL has turned her back on me.

[mybrainaches]

H and I seperated in March (he was cheating) but I remained friends with his mum, and she would pop round often as she always did. A couple of weeks ago she stopped replying to my texts and would'nt answer my calls, H tells me someone has reported her to the benefit office saying he (h) lives there, and she thinks its me. I did nor report her and I am gutted she does'nt know me better than that, I have been through so much crap in the last 2 months, and I'v done nothing to deserve any of it, it does'nt help that H is having a relationship with this girl (and I mean girl) right outside my window, and she seems to have been welcomed into his family with open arms......talk about feeling like a reject

Out with the old, in with the new eh? Shame the kids dont see it that way.

I was'nt his girlfriens, I was his wife, still am.

So if it weren't for the misunderstanding about the benefits, would she still be friendly with you? It doesn't seem to be so much about loyalty to her son as her feeling that you have been disloyal to her.

It's a shame; I don't think there's much you can do other than hope she will come round. Perhaps it will blow over if she realises it's better for your dcs if you have a good relationship.

Have you explained about the benefits thing?

Yes by text, because she wont speak to me, but she has'nt replied.

dont think that is always the case justabout..
and brainaches is the mother of her grandchildren..
it sounds fishy to me, was she told you did this to her, do you think??
maybe its your husband / her son that doesnt like you two getting on with it?

When we first split, she said to me, she did'nt want us to fall out.

The crazy thing is, he is'nt living there, what could I have possibly gained by reporting he was?

How has she a 'duty' to make anyone welcome? Surely it's her perogative who she makes welcome & unwelcome in her home?

I think if you could, you should try & call or drop round to see your MIL & ask her what the problem is... she will have to answer you if you drop by, won't she?

I dont think she would answer the door, you can see who is at the door from her front room window, and there is no where to hide

Maybe your husband has blamed you? Anyway, if she is cheating the benefit system she deserves to be reported.

She isn't though, Nab, it seems to be a malicious report.

Have you any ideas who else might have done it?

But she is not cheating the benefit systm, he does'nt live there, she must think I have done it to get at H but clearly if he does not live there it wont affect him at all.

My ex MIL is vile. The weight of her insults and hatred could really overwhelm me if I let it.

I agree, you can't be friends with your ex mil. Let her go. It seems she isn't worth styaing in touch with.

When he first moved out he stored all his stuff at his mums, so I can only think it must be a neighbour of hers who saw him unloading.

Just remembered he has had all his mail redirected to his mums place and has told me to send any corrospondance(sp) there, so is it possible that has been picked up, and thats why they think he is living there?

I dont know if he could be causing trouble, he has done so much recently that I never thought he was capable of, I dont actually know him at all it would seem.

She is a very fiesty woman and always confronts people face to face who have upset her, so I am surprised she has not been knocking on my door, so maybe there is more to this than I know of.

What about writing a polite, factual, letter explaining what her son has said to you and explaining that you haven't reported her.

If there's more to it maybe she'll contact you. If she was looking for an excuse to "drop" you, you'll know, because you won't hear anything.

I think I am just going to leave it now to be honest, if she rearly thinks it was me then she does'nt know me at all, I wanted to stay friends for the dc sake too, but there is no point if she thinks I am vindictive, I would probably just get blamed continuously everytime something else happens to her.

Surely it's in your dc's best interest if you have a good relationship with their grandmother, even if you have separated from their father?
If your ex-dh realises this, then maybe he can help persuade his mum around. If she won't answer your texts/calls, then this is the only way you can get her to listen. Get him to persuade her to meet up with both of you for half an hour, just so you can say how much you appreciated her as a grandmother, you don't want to be on bad terms with her, and that it absolutely wasn't you who reported her for benefit fraud.

As someone who was reported to social services once anonymously, I can totally relate to how pissed off and semi-paranoid your MIL might be feeling. She doesn't know who has made up lies about her.

I have asked h to have a word with her, he says he has, but I cant be sure, he does'nt seem that bothered.