What an absolute mess

[Rowyourboat2]

I think I know the answer myself, but it always helps to hear others opinions when your mentally feeling rubbish.

Im feeling really low anyway having just lost a grandparent, but things have worsened this week.

Myself and my partner are on a break presently.
My stepdaughter has been telling lots of lies, and they’ve worsened in severity recently. I’d had the conversation with my partner about the fact that I was concerned that these lies could expand to something about myself or my 3 sons (I have social care background) so I’m slightly more aware than some about how damaging allegations can be.

To add a little more context, we had an argument a fortnight ago, whereby he was in drink and he’d shouted very loudly at my youngest child, he was adamant my child had tried to punch his daughter (he’s 7 & she’s 9). He not only shouted at my son, he said something along the lines of “if you do it to her I’ll do it to you” to which my son burst into tears and I removed him from the situation immediately, informing him he is not to speak to my child like that ever again.
My partner decided to leave the house that night with his child and whilst he was packing a bag, I tried calming him down but he grabbed my hair. Off he went, and sent me a text message advising me house was “going to be turned over” so I instantly logged this with the police, They closed it but did refer to social care who want to speak to my boys, and his daughter and then it’ll likely be closed…depending on their judgement. Now at this stage, social care believed he was still with me, as I’d confirmed he was however….

My partner then received a message from his ex stating that his daughter has informed her (over the course of several months it seems) that we have been “battering each other”, arguing a lot, he’s reportedly had to pack a bag on more than one occasion, and I believe drink & drugs were mentioned too (on his behalf not mine). Shes denied any future contact, reported him to social care & advised if he wants contact, he needs to take her to court.

Now I know my partner has a history of drug use (prior to us) and he has drunk drove before, with his child in the car, so she isn’t lying on that one. But he most certainly has not hit me nor have I raised a hand either.

My concern is this…if social care put his child on a plan, and he is still with me, my children are going to be placed on one aren’t they? My gut is telling me to end this now (tho we are on a break) and part of me doesn’t want to but I feel like if I don’t, I’m not putting my children first.

Does anyone have any experience in this area?

He threatened to assault your child. He assaulted you by grabbing your hair. He threatened to have your house turned over while you and your kids are there. All in one night.
Even his own child’s mum is protecting the child from him. Do the same for your children.
Do not enter back into this very toxic relationship. Prioritise your kids safety, that includes emotional as well as physical safety.

Yes OP. You said you came on here to hear it, so I will add my voice to the chorus.

you need to leave this man permanently and have no further contact. He yelled at and threatened your son. He grabbed you by the hair and threatened you. He has risked the life of his own daughter driving drunk. He has a history of drug and drink abuse. Social services are involved. His ex is afraid to leave her daughter with him……

he is a danger to you and your children. For their sake and your own, grab the advantage of already being in a break and make it permanent and change the locks on your house.

you and your children deserve peace and safety, free of yelling, threats, abuse and uncertainty.

If a man threatened my 7 year old, never mind grabbed me by the hair, he would be out of the door so fast that his feet wouldn't touch the floor!
What are you thinking OP?

Do you have any DC together.
Who owns the property you live in
If you're on a break he must be staying somewhere else. Don't let him back in.

I can’t believe you’ve allowed a grown man to threaten to punch your 7 year old and still considering even being in the same room as him, let alone continuing to date him?
that man would never ever come anywhere near me or my children ever again!!!!

Seriously - where’s your mother’s protection instinct?!!!

Indeed. Any man that did that to my children would never see me or my kids again.
And the women who aren't like that are the reason that their kids are removed from them.

“I know my partner has a history of drug use (prior to us) and he has drunk drove before, with his child in the car,”

OP, just how big a red flag do you need? This man is not good for you or your DC, and I sincerely hope,that your break becomes permanent.

Another in the long line of MN posters who seem to prioritise having any twat of a bloke in their bed above their kids childhood

It just depresses me what hideous living situations some women will inflict on their kids just to have a man.

You are on a break? Good god woman look for better things for you and your children!

"I feel like if I don't, I'm not putting my children first"

This isn't just a feeling; it's objectively true. If you stay with this man, you will certainly be putting your immediate comfort and convenience before your children's long-term happiness and wellbeing.

If you love being in a toxic relationship, with an addict, for the drama and don't mind ruining your children's childhood by being dragged through social care - crack on and stay with his man. Your 3 sons will grow up using him as a role model so you have that in your future as well...the drama will never end but perhaps that's what you want?

However if you are a mum who puts her dc first and who recognises toxic relationships then you will dump him asap

Does your ‘awareness’ from your social care background not feel like running miles? or as a mother do you not feel the need to take your children out of the situation?

As a parent your job is to protect your children. He threatened your child, their home (you took this one more seriously than the threat to your child), pulled your hair (His dd may have got it wrong about hitting but he has been violent), has a history of drug use and drink driving with a child in the car. You are not protecting your children.

Doesn’t look good does it?!

He threatened your 7 year old son and you’re considering staying with him? I think your 3 children should be on a care plan. You are not putting their welfare first.

Why would you still be with a man who threatened your son. You need to get rid of him for the sake of your child.

And they would be entirely right to put them on a plan for their safety if you stay with him wouldn't they? Because you aren't putting their emotional and physical safety as a priority are you?
If you want to ignore the ginormous red flags around your own safety - in one breath you are both denying him ever being physically violent towards you but then saying he pulled your hair- that's on you, but someone has to step in for your children if you refuse to.
A grown man screamed at your 7 year old and threatened to hit him, how is there even a possibility in your mind that he would EVER be near your child again? Aside from the physical danger you d be putting your child in you would be telling him loud and clear that I value having a man in my life more than I value you.

This man isn’t worth the potential world of pain that could come your way.

Just move on - without him in your life.

He threatened to punch your child, you need to end this relationship immediately.

Why on earth would you want to be with this man. He threatened your child, gets drink, has abused you, his child lies and he does nothing

you put your children first, you dont wait for SS you tell him it’s over now

End this relationship permanently NOW. He sounds awful and is already bringing violence and drama into your life and more importantly, your children’s lives.

Why is this even a question?

Get rid of him and start protecting your children.

For f's sake.

You need to keep your kids out of that mess OP. It's for the best.

He's threatened to physically harm your child.
He has physically assaulted you.
He has threatened to trash your house.
His child is NOT lying.

(I have social care background)
If you have a job that involves other people's children in any way then please resign immediately. You are already putting your own children in harms way which makes you incapable of protecting others. Wake the fuck up, get out, stop priotising an abusive man.

Why do so many who really shouldn’t have children have them. Always come last on the list.

What the fuck have I read? Get a sodding grip.

He physically assaulted you by pulling your hair.

Would you want to be brought up in a house like this? Do you think you'd feel safe?

A grown man threatening to punch you. A drunk who grabs your mum's hair and storms out. Is that a loving and stable home for your child?

Why do you want to be with some drunk with a temper who drink drives his child around? He'll go for you OP, the hair pulling is just the beginning. Don't take him back.