DP has proposed............................now its all going Pete Tong!

[Springchicken]

Well, the day finally arrived on Friday when DP proposed to me...............and of course i said yes !
Decided June time next year would be perfect timing for us.

We were so excited we rang round everyone on Friday night to tell them and every was thrilled for us until it got to me telling DP's DB's fiance (who in turn is my best friend).

She completely turned, said "You will be stamping on my toes by getting married before us"(they are marrying until May 2007), "You have really hurt my feelings", "Seems odd that you never even mentioned getting married before we did and now you want to do it before us". angry]

It is so pathetic but it has made me so angry ! Up until Sunday i was funing with rage but now i feel really hurt and upset.

DP's DB and fiance are making things really hard by involving other people - they were bitching to DP's DM about it all day sunday when we were there to defend ourselves.
DP's DM completely agrees with us - it is ridculous to expect us to wait for 3.5 years to get married just so we don't do it before them - she tried to tell them this on Sunday but they weren't interested!

They have chosen to get married May 2007 because they cannot afford to do it any sooner and they want their kids to be old enough to be involved - fair enough, everyone can make their own choices. I have always wanted a summer wedding which means us waiting until Summer 2008 before getting married.
We want to have another baby soonish but have decided we would prefer to get the wedding out of the way first and the try for a baby straight afterwards therefore there wont be too much of an age gap between DD and a new sibling (Propbably just short of 3 years)!

I don't even know why i am writing this to be honest - i thought i would feel better for getting it off my chest but i don't.
I just want to cry I can believe they are being like this and seriously believe we are doing it just to get married before them.

I could understand it if we were doing it 1,2,3,or even 6 months before them cos i'd probably be quite pissed off it if was me but it's a whole year.

I don't see how they can understand all of our reason and still be reacting the way they are - I just feel like shit and this is meant to be such a happy and exciting time.

Sorry, i don't know why i posted this. You will all probably tell me now that i am out of order.
I bet the post doesn't even make sense.

sorry, meant pg No 2

Congratulations Springchicken, great news
Unfortunately when you get married there is always somebody who says something to try and spoil it... usually out of jealousy!! ignore her, she'll get over it

Thanks Ghosty.
I also wanted to ask her DD (my neice) to be a ridesmaid along with my DD and my other niece from my side.

She is the sort of pathetic person who wont let her DD do it.

Congratulations to you ! Sorry you had such a disappointing reaction from your friend and hope she calms down soon. I really don't think she can expect to dictate when all her friends feel ready to tie the knot, just because she feels she has to wait.

When I got engaged to DH I did feel a bit miffed when my flat mate got engaged just a month later to a guy she'd only known for a few months, then rushed ahead buying a new house and ultimately got a married just a month before us, when we had already decided our date. tbh our friendship floundered and we are no longer in contact.

In your case the fact it is you future in-laws does make things somewhat more awkward but I'm sure she'll get over it. Can your DP's mother find out what the real issue is as it doesn't quite ring true - could she be more insecure than she has let on, for example, or feel frustrated that she has to wait longer,but has concocted rational reasons to delay ?

Agree with everyone here, especially your dad, springchicken. Your friend's just being a bananaheaded eejit. Treat her like a toddler and ignore her posturing tantrum!

many congratuations sc .

I'm really aghast at your friend's behaviour. Has she ever had any real problems to face in her life? Sorry to ask, but she sounds as though she still has a lot of growing up to do.

Carry on with whatever you had planned regardless. I think the more people "pander" to her behaviour, the thicker she will lay it on.

Very silly person who needs to get life into perspective.

Congratulations on your engagement!

Can't you get dp to speak to his brother about it? Point out that you are all going to be members of the same family and that, if his fiancee carries on like this, it is likely to cause an enormous rift?

I know he is currently opting for the quiet life, but this thing isn't just going to go away and could fester for a very long time making everyone's lives a misery - not least his. If he tackles her about it now and resolves the issue, then life could be a lot quieter for him!

Congratuklations Springchicken!

I would have allowed her the initial tantrum but would have expected an apology or at the very leas would have expected her to get over it very quickly when she realised how stupid and childish she was being. To bitch about it to your future MIL is just ridiculous.

Ignore her and concentrate on planning your wedding. You could point out to her that, by being after you, she will be able to make her wedding much more ostentatious than yours should she wish to continue to be childish.

Thanks Soupy - she is being childish.
I just don't get the problem, is it because he wont be the first son to marry? Is it because she wont be the first daughter-in-law? Is it because she wont be the first one with their name? Is it because she wont be the first one to have the same name as her kids?

JUST DONT GET IT!

Unfortunately freckle, this is unlikely. Dp has v. much taken the attitude to let them get on with it - if they want to behave like children then let them.
However, if it was my family, i would've had it out with them. Their family just isn't the same as mine though.
And because it is DP's family as aposed to mine, i am very aware of the fact that i don't want to cause any unnecessary tansion.

Congratulations SC!!!!!! totally agree with everyone else, your 'friend' needs to grow up and apologise to you, she is soooo in the wrong!
My brother and his fiancee turned up the evening before my wedding, and after 5 minutes she stormed out (followed by brother) because she wasn't the centre of attention...... On the wedding day they kept showing off how very much in live they were and disappeared after church for some ice-cream.....
and finally, wrote us a nasty letter complaining about the wedding and being placed next to my in-laws, etc etc.......
well, after 8 years, we are now friends again!!!!!

enjoy your news and start planning your big day, it's all about you and your future dh, nobody else

how very much in love....obviously

its sounds like that she is jealous coz before you announced that you are getting married, it was just her that was getting married and probably likes abit of attention from everyone but now youre getting married before her, she be thinking that youre getting the attention now as well as her, i think she prefer to have the attention all to herself - if you know what i mean !

congrats BTW

SC, it's because you'll be stealing her attention. Up to now, she has been the only enagaged one, the only one planning a wedding. Now she has to share that limelight with you. It is silly and it is childish but that's the way it is. Rise above it and plan the wedding you want.

SpringChicken - sorry about the childcare mess, too, but tbh, she sounds v volatile and apt to make spur of the moment mad judgements - I think you need someoene more reliable for your childcare. If you're starting work, you need to know that she won't throw a wobbly and leave you in the lurch.

She is being totally illogical. IME at a certain age, it seems as if and endless straem of friends are in the stages of planning their weddings. i remember summers in my 20's when almost every w/e was the wedding of a friend or cousin. By your friends 'logic', there would be a 2 year gap between each wedding, starting with a 2 year taliback whilst she plans her own....mad mad mad.

Write her a calm letter setting this out?

And your weddings will still be a whole year apart - she has planty of time having been at yours to then make sure she upstages you at her own, if that sort of pettiness gets her going

Not read all your replies Spring chicken so sorry if repeating.
1st off congratulations, how lovley for you both.
Secondly - OMG - are they both mad, how totally unfair, ridiculous, childish, pathetic...... Do you know what, it's SO ridiculous that it's not worth commenting on further. Just crack on and enjoy making plans for your wedding as any bride to be should be doing.

OMG -p how dare they try to dictate to you when you should get married, that's so sad, what utter losers they are. selfish,, childish gits who will hopefully see the light before too long and apologise. Don't you do anything other than be happy and plan your wedding.

Congrats again hon', TC xx

congratulations spring chicken, dont let her spoil your happy moment!
your friend should be over the moon for you it doesnt matter who gets married first aslong as you both have a lovely day surely! cant understand some people dont apologogise let her come to you... why should you apologise for having the best news ever! go and show off your rock and crack open the bubbly!!!!!

Just got a text message on my mobile - ran to get it incase it was her but it wasn't!

How can she make me feel like this.

Even if she did apologise, I'm not sure i could forget the way they have reacted.

Springchicken - congratulations, how absolutely lovely!
OMG though, is your friend for real? How can she expect you to wait until 2008, FFS, and expect to be taken seriously?
Blu is right - at a certain stage weddings start springing up all over the place (in a similar way to pgs and babies in fact) and for anyone to expect to have a monopoly on dates, let alone years, is quite frankly ridiculous.
Hope she calms down and sees sense! In the meantime, do try not to let her spoil the elation of being newly engaged!

Firstly, congratulations on the engagement! IMHO your friends reaction was OTT, but she just might not see it that way. What a shame.

Secondly, are you really called Jem? Odd question, but I am, and you're the first person I've "met" who is as well.

congratulations

dont worry about it she will calm down. It is 2 years till her wedding ffs, what on earth are you supposed to do! people do get funny about weddings etc though

Hi two of my friends both got engaged last year. One is planning her wedding in August 2007, the other is not really planning it'll take place when it happens. Both were pleased for the other, and kept going over their engagement stories. Ones mum even got engaged last year so now they joke about who'll get up the ailse the soonest - it's become a race! I could understand if you friends a tad dissapointed or jealous that you'll get there first. But any decent friend would just shrug it off. Congratulations By the time your big day arrives all this will have been forgotten.

Friend is being totally lame. She needs to grow up. You have a lovely wedding when you and DP want it not when those around you deem suitable.

P.S. Congrats

Congratulations! If she carries on being bitchy, you could outdo her - offer to let her have your wedding dress and the bridesmaid dresses for her wedding as she is so hard up. But praps not best to bring yourself down to her level.

If you think she is going to cause problems over her DD being bridesmaid, ask DD yourself if she would like to be one (assuming she is old enough to understand what it means). It would be difficult for her to back out and disappoint her DD then.