Ex partner is having a baby I'm devastated

[Zoeishere]

I don't know why I'm feeling like this
I left my partner, he was abusive throughout our relationship we share a 6 DD. We spilt in January this year. He moved on quick and found someone a week later, although I have heard he's known her since December.
He moved into her home in march/April and a week ago he told me he was "having a baby" over text, I thought he was lying at first until on Tuesday he said he couldn't collect DD as he had a baby scan.
I'm not sure of how many weeks she is, but unless it's a private early scan she's at least 12 weeks and it's the dating/3month mark which means she got pregnant as soon as he moved in.

He moved 2 hours away, I stayed in the family home to be with his new GF and she already has 3 DC with her ex.
Because of distance he hardly sees our DD although he has said he wants to have our DD EOW now.
I never went to court to finalise everything although I'm thinking I should now as this baby will take up his time and money, he randomly pays as it is, I have a CMS case ongoing but he isn't engaging with them and has told me to "stop otherwise I won't get a penny"

I feel so used, he has openly admitted he never really loved me and didn't want me, and he's happier than he's ever been and I'm just his DD mum to him.
He was horrible throughout our 7 years together but there was a handful of happy times in the beginning, he swept me off my feet I was so in love with him.
I feel so so sad that my family is over and she is now going to get the best of him, which is all I every wanted.
I stayed hoping he would change
Maybe it is my fault maybe I did cause everything every arguement, maybe I am too much.
He always tells me his new GF "gives him no stress"

I was going to warn her, but I know she wouldn't believe me and he would paint me out as crazy.
My DD adores him, I feel so guilty for not being able to give her a sibling and now she has one, I can't take that away from her.

I just feel so sad.
Please help, it seems so unfair he gets to live his happy every after

Just so sad and worried for my DD.
In less than 7 months of loosing her father hes gone and moved in with another woman with 3 DC and having a baby.

Your DD hasn’t lost her father, he’s suggested having her EOW. You say your DD adores him so why would you try stop these visits for her? Get arrangements in place for this to happen. If he messes up and can’t do EOW and is unreliable then at least you can let your DD now from your end you tried. Contact cms to get that sorted and if he doesn’t pay set it to collect and pay so he has no say in if it’s paid or not. Your whole post reads about how you feel and how things affect you and as awful as it may sound it isn’t about you, now you just have to do what’s best for your DD.

@Coconutter24
I haven't stopped contact, he just didn't bother. It's only been since a few days ago he said he wanted her EOW (Saturday 12-sunday 4.00pm) since February he was seeing her maybe once or twice a month on a Sunday afternoon, I've never stopped contact. He doesn't turn up to her events at all, despite me and my DD asking him to come along.
I have contacted CMS as stated he has 2 weeks to reply to them and then it will go to the next stage.

Yes, my post is mainly about how I'm feeling to get SUPPORT! I don't bad mouth or speak negatively about her father, but she is aware and knows (through her father) that he now lives with his gf and other children and he doesn't bother with her despite my requests.

Not once have I said I'm stopping contact, despite the abuse she heard from him to me. I left as I knew it was having an effect on her.

@Coconutter24 and she has lost him as far as I'm concerned. He couldn't focus on his child, instead made a new child, let his DD countless times, bullied me and didn't pay.

I didn’t say you were stopping contact I meant why would you try stop these visits going ahead. He might not do them now but he’s suggested EOW so why stop that going ahead? Your DD adores him so why stand in the way of that?

Again making it about you, you’re taking her father away from her if that’s the case, she hasn’t lost him. He didn’t see her often which I fully agree is not on but he’s wanting to change that so why not try. If he then goes back on the arrangement at least you can tell your DD you tried with him. If you say no to the visits it just sounds like you’re saying no because you’re bitter he has a new family, why should your DD suffer because you are jealous? You can’t use your child as a weapon because he didn’t regularly pay maintenance, I absolutely don’t agree with him not paying but that’s not a reason to not let her see him EOW

This is the ex that violently attacked your neighbour leaving him for dead?!

Last thread was you very concerned about your ex’s girlfriend’s 3 DC living with an aggressive criminal

Really?! If this is the case then I’d be contacting all the authorities that I could!

Stop communicating him except for arranging child contact. Don't have any conversations with him about the past, your relationship, his new relationship, none of it. He talks crap and is enjoying hurting you. Don't give him any opportunity to wind you up.

We all said this repeatedly on the thread in question but it became clear that concern wasn’t driving the Op. rather wanting to cause problems between gf and ex

@Coconutter24 no I've not stopped anything, I agreed to it like I said he's at her PGM on Saturday. He has only just asked for her he hasn't asked for her until recently
I haven't said no

Jeez

"he was bragging about how he wasn't paying for food/keep in her home "

That's not the win he thinks it is. He's announcing he's the problematic manbaby who will never pull his weight. May as well tattoo ick on himself.

Download one of the court approved parenting apps and communicate with him through that about co-parenting only. Don't talk about your relationship, gf, what's for dinner, nothing. Stop giving this waste any of your headspace.

Get your child maintenance set up officially now, especially if she's having a baby. What would happen is she had her baby, filed for it, and you hadn't? Where I am, she would get maintenance and your kid would get less if you then filed, even though your kid is older.

You couldn't and can't fix him.To think that you could by being different speaks to some possible codependency. Have you done the Freedom Program or had therapy? That might be a good place to reset your life.

I've suggested no over nights just yet, let her get used to the arrangements or to stay at PGM with my ex

If you haven’t said no why is DD at her PGM house and not at your ex’s house with his family? You’ve obviously agreed to her going to his parents house with him but is that what he’s asking for?

You probably won’t see it now OP because he’s been slowly brainwashing you to think you are the problem. But let’s be honest, a man who can who is genuine does not conduct his life the way he has gone about it.

In time you’ll rebuild your life and look back on your life with him and count your lucky stars he did you a favour. Just ashame you have to deal with him as you share your DD. Honestly OP please don’t waste your energy.

An abusive man with a short fuse living with 3DC who aren't his own? Honestly, this relationship won't last very long at all. They are still in honeymoon mode but that won't last long once the sleepless nights kick in. She will be in a far worse situation than you. I'm not saying feel sorry for her, but you may need to form some kind of superficial friendship at some stage if you want your child to see her half sibling occasionally. I would be waiting for her to contact you with tales of how horrible he is not so long into the future. I understand how much this must hurt but you have a much brighter future without him.

She isn’t ’going to get the best of him’, she’s going to get exactly what you got.