The one who got away/or you can’t be with

[Bellevue85]

Tell me about your ‘guilty pleasure’ person or that one who you can never be with…

I have just discovered my crush has met someone and I’m quite gutted but can’t talk to anyone about.

I am married but the chemistry with this person was instant and hard hitting and if it was a different time in life (i.e. I was single!), I know we’d have likely been amazing together or maybe that was part of the fantasy?!

I’ve recently reconnected with an old friend after 20 years. Turns out we fancied the pants off each other back then but neither of us realised, so life moved on and we’re now coupled up with our DPs.

I will always fancy/have feelings for him. He will be my lifetime guilty pleasure!

Now that you’ve reconnected, do you think about him? Or you just feel that spark when you see or speak to him?

I am feeling a bit floored right now, which feels quite pathetic (and unhinged), but it’s probably for the best that I can finally draw a line in the sand over this silly crush!

I think about him daily at the minute - it’s quite intense. I do feel it’s more than a crush/limerence but who can say.

Others will be along to tell me how I can’t possibly love my DP and have feelings for this other person as well (I disagree), or that there’s clearly something lacking in my relationship with DP (possibly, but is something we can solve and it isn’t a dealbreaker). They’ll tell me I need to give my head a wobble - and I agree with that!

The fantasy will always be better than the reality, and knowing my friend for so long, I have a fair idea of what he’d be like as a partner in everyday life. For now, I enjoy the time we spend together (meeting every few months) and the fantasies pass the time in between.

Crushes can’t just be switched off overnight, so your feelings are totally valid. In time you’ll feel less upset, but for now, give yourself a break.

Yes… we haven’t seen each other for 3.5 years. He isn’t allowed to talk to me or have his number saved (married) but still adds my number to his contact list just to be able to see my profile picture every six weeks or so.
maybe in another life.

What do you meet up for?

is the feeling mutual?

Yes. Just before I married my now husband. Was instant. Gone from our lives

My previous boss.

We actually fell for each other, but were both married. After this happened, I realised I was very unhappy in my marriage, left my ex husband of 14 years and started again on my own with our DS. Best thing I ever did. I spent 3 years finding myself. Ex husband and I had got together when I was 15, had our son when I was 17. The chemistry between me and my previous boss was like nothing I had ever experienced and I just knew I wasn’t with the right man. 3+ years later, I am very sure I made the right decision. I now have a new partner and I am so happy, but I will always wonder what could have been between me and my ex boss!

I'm married and recently met someone randomly who I felt an instant connection with. He did too. So so so many red flags for of lots of reasons and outside of the situation I would never even entertain the idea but I feel floored like you because I've recently realised it can't be a friendship or anything else and have blocked him. Can't describe the feeling, it's horrible.

@Hiiiti yes the feeling’s mutual. We’re friends, so meet up to chat about life, the usual. My DP knows we meet, but doesn’t know how I feel about my friend.

Mine is a colleague, we’ve worked together for 20 years just about. He was married with kids when we met, I was single. I could tell he was attracted to me straight away and we became fast friends and I think a bit besotted with one another but nothing ever happened. I had to make a concerted effort to get out there and meet other people and it was really hard because I had already met the person I felt was right for me, but couldn’t have him.

I married and had kids, DH is great in many ways but he cheated when my eldest was small and so I never quite felt the same after that. If I am honest with myself I am also probably engaged in an emotional affair with this other man. We are not alone together often but as soon as we are we gravitate to one another and get as close as we can without crossing the line too much (hand hold/cuddles only and that’s rare). We flirt and say we love each other as friends, he texts me all the time inside and outside of work, makes excuses to visit my office etc. We also keep each other at arms length and are totally different with each other when others are around. I think neither of us would be prepared to let down our families by getting together properly, if nothing much has happened between us after this long I guess it never will. It’s a mess really and I feel a lot of pain and guilt over it at times.

I have a one that got away and so does he, me. I'm divorced. He's married. We message a lot. See each other when we can. Recently told me he's in love with me. We've always loved each other.

Many years ago I fell head over heels in love with an older, married work colleague. It did not affect my long-term live in relationship at all.They were like 2 completely unrelated things.I still loved my boyfriend deeply and was very happy to spend my everyday life with him and never wanted to leave him, but every time I saw the colleague I went weak at the knees and all gooey inside. Sometimes I wanted him so much I would sit and sob my heart out. It was a weird episode in my life.

Yes, instant undeniable connection and chemistry.
In a crowded room always drawn together.

He was always in my thoughts, and then 20 years later we started a relationship.

He turned out to be a complete arsehole.

But so glad I got him out of my system.

I have feelings for someone I worked with, I thought the feelings were mutual, but it seems not. Maybe he got scared, I'll never know. Trying to move on from it, but its difficult. I feel like there's unfinished business and I wanted more with him. I think about him alot. Sometimes there's just an undeniable attraction and feeling you can't ignore.

Feel so sorry for your partners tbh they deserve better...

This is a horrible thread. When you're single, fine. Saying this whilst you're with or were with someone is disgusting, actually.

I'm sure you'd all be fine with your spouse going weak at the knees and having some silly crush over someone that never wanted them back 🙄 they weren't 'scared', they just didn't want you.

So you were ok to live a lie?

We can’t help who we’re attracted to/how we feel. The issue is whether or not we act on it or not.

I was seeing someone when I was around 21 so it was around 27 years ago . We were seeing each other but it was no strings arrached . We would spend alot of time together we would go out for days. He was so kind and just a lovely person . We literally done everything a couple would. But he would always ssu dont you go falling on love . He said it often. One day he messaged me said im so sorry i cant see you anymore I have fallen in love with you. I said OK said take care etc . And i deleted his number . Blocked him etc . And never spoke to him again. Like wtf did I do that why didn't I at least talk about it. I wounder how life would have been if I had.

I wounder what he's up to now

Tom Hardy.
Doesn't even know that I'm alive.

I had my “one that got away” when I was in my late teens. I wondered for ages how life would have panned out. We kept in contact intermittently, and I’m pleased we did because I now know how it would have panned out - in a divorce. He is as lovely as ever, but shallower than a toddler’s paddling pool.

Yes, we met at university and then went our separate ways. We reconnected 24 years ago, but I was married and had a child at that point. We have stayed in touch on and off over the years but I haven’t seen him in over seven years. He now has a daughter and partner (may even be married, I haven’t asked). He randomly texts once in a while, then goes quiet. I think about him every day but I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. I romanticise our ‘relationship’, but deep down know we wouldn’t make a good match.

if I ever meet him in another life, I’d make sure to start a relationship, so I’d know either way, rather than spend another lifetime wondering.

Ha was going to start a thread about my own similar situation...

A 3 month fling has just ended for me, he is 20 years younger, we can't be together, it's causing a load of heartache but goodness I am absolutely gutted 😞

My dh became ill a few years ago. I'm now his full time carer and due to his illness we no longer have a "normal" married life. In fact, it's more like mother and child as he is now totally dependent upon me. I'd never leave him as he'd have to go into some kind of nursing home, which he is desperate to avoid. I'd never cheat on him but I did meet someone recently, on a rare trip out (at a family event that dh was not capable of attending) and we instantly hit it off. There was a very strong mutual attraction and we couldn't stop talking. It was so nice to be seen as a woman for once, a person in my own right, someone interesting and not just dhs carer. This man is single but I will probably never see him again, he looked really sad when I said goodbye. He's a very close friend of my relative and ive heard about him over the years but it was the first time we've met. No doubt I'll continue to hear about him but I'll take more interest in future, although I know nothing will ever come of it. I'm not a bad person, dh and I have just been unlucky and I'm resigned to the fact that I'll just be his carer for the rest of my life. I never thought anyone would ever be attracted to me or I'd ever be attracted to someone again. I know I have to put him to the back of my mind or I'd go crazy. People often ask me how I cope but I didn't actually get a choice.

Nice.