The one who got away/or you can’t be with

[Bellevue85]

Tell me about your ‘guilty pleasure’ person or that one who you can never be with…

I have just discovered my crush has met someone and I’m quite gutted but can’t talk to anyone about.

I am married but the chemistry with this person was instant and hard hitting and if it was a different time in life (i.e. I was single!), I know we’d have likely been amazing together or maybe that was part of the fantasy?!

I met someone through work over 40 years ago - saw them once a month or so, we absolutely hit it off and got on really well, lovely bloke, really really kind and thoughtful too. However at the time we both had partners, then one did one didn't, etc, never the right timing. I'll be honest I REALLY fancied him and I know he really fancied me, we used to flirt like mad, but there was always a distance between us, largely because of the work thing I think. Saw him less regularly for a few years due to changes in my job/location/responsibilities within the company, but we were always best work buddies when we did see each other - he was SO kind and SO helpful always went the extra mile.

Then 30+ years ago saw him at the work thing, didn't know it would be the very last time and he said along the lines of 'Ariela, I've always really liked you, I've thought about you a lot recently, we have always got on really well, there's always been something there between us and we should get together, what do you think' At that point I was off men / relationships as just getting out of one which involved a lot of heartache and a house sale (which he didn't know about I'm sure), and the added complications of the working together thing so had to say 'Sorry can't do, and aside from which some things are best left to the imagination' Well I cried all the way home as he gave me that very shocked hurt look, but truthfully it wasn't really going to work, we didn't know each other beyond work, we'd missed past opportunities and then was not the right time anyway, and that was that. The next week I was headhunted and went to work for another company which meant I moved away and in turn lead to another head hunting and an amazing job 90 miles away.
I've often thought of him and wondered what became of him and sometimes the odd 'what if?', but truthfully never top of my thoughts.

Saw him randomly in the street earlier this year (yup we recognised each other despite 30+ years he is grey and balding and I'm chubby and nothing like in my 20s either but I am COMPLETELY over him, as is he me, so on reflection it was good I said what I said), daughter & DH met him briefly (they were dashing off but got introduced and they had a chat) and after DD said 'I really really liked him, he is interesting and seems very, very kind' - which totally sums him up. It was like we're best work buddies again, and on comparing notes over the last 30 years it transpires we've led parallel lives, meeting our now partners 30 years ago, having kids same ages, similar interests same sort of work knowledge to chat about (even the kids similar interests) that I find is really bizarre. We won't meet up apart from perhaps a couple of events we both go to (bit of a distance), but we did swap phone numbers as we lost touch before mobiles were such a big thing. Think he'd definitely be on the Christmas card list, if I did cards that is, but big romance? One that got away? Nah, I absolutely adore DH and we have a wonderful life. I have missed nothing, but gained it all as I have a really good friend I can call on if needed (still so very kind, he made me promise that I am to call if I ever need to, and I know he really meant it).

The day after my 24 year relationship ended I went for a coffee with a work colleague. I had shared a few things with her in the months leading up to the break.
We were just talking in a café and she leaned over and kissed me, I don't why but it was like 'electric'. I fell head over heals in love with her from that moment. We had a few dates in the coming weeks but she said you need atleast 2/3 years to get over a relationship. I explained that the relationship had been over for the best part of 10 years. Nevertheless she ended whatever was between us.
I just couldn't get over it, I went to sleep thinking about her and woke up feeling the same. After 2/3 years I did start dating but she was always there in my mind and no one came anywhere close. I think it was a good 5 years before I was able to reach closure in my head. There have been times when I've passed her in the car and my stomach just go's over. I have also avoided going in the supermarket after seeing her drive in.
There was probably never going to be any future with her as she was fiercely independent and also liked being with women at times.
Odd though how 15 years later it can still catch me out!

@Bridget57 caring is a rewarding but lonely responsibility and I hope you’re getting the support you need. Would you consider reaching out to that man, just as friends, it sounds like you could use a bit of joy in your life?

Oh no. How are you feeling today?

Thanks for sharing everyone. It has been a couple of days since I found out now, and I am feeling a little better - most of my feelings were jealously.

I’ve realised a lot of the time spent thinking of him, was of the fantasy of dating and getting to know each other. My DH and I have a very good relationship but obviously it’s quite hard to replicate the honeymoon phase when you’ve been together for over 15 years! So, I don’t think the crush means anything is lacking in our marriage.

I wonder if a lot of the feelings also boil down to - what if? Wanting something you can’t have or just the never knowing if you would have been a good or even a better couple?

I guess it’s nice to know that you can feel that spark with more than one person, and you can also knock another man off their feet with some eye contact!