‘I love you but I don’t like you’

[cloudydays5]

This is something my dad regularly said to me as a child, teenager and into young adult. I can’t fully explain how this made and makes me feel, but he labelled me as various negative things when I was a child (difficult, naughty, a trouble maker, manipulative) and it stuck. It’s affected my self esteem even though I’m in my 30s now. I feel I’m a bad person and don’t deserve good things to happen to me.

I keep my distance from him and I don’t want to give him an excuse to bad mouth me (he turned some family members against me growing up) but he is with my mum so distancing from him inevitably affects my relationship with her.

Is there anyone who has had a similar situation or advice on how to deal with this without it getting me down too much.

This is going to be very unpopular but my mum said this to me in my early twenties and I only really understand this now, in my late 30’s.

I understand her, she still loves me but did not like me when I was quite a horrible teenager and adult.

I had to reflect on my own behaviour, not because of my mothers comment but because it was time to own up to my own toxic traits.

I was draining, it was always about me and my behaviour. My behaviour affected my whole family and looking back, it wasn’t fair.

I don’t agree with your father telling you this whilst you were growing up and still quite young but I can respect the way he felt about you.