He cheated on me

[Mamacocololo]

As the title suggests I have just found out my partner has slept with a girl from work.

this happened 1 month ago, one time apparently. They planned to go on a camping trip, whilst I was away and her partner was away.

I found out at work when he partner contacted me on social media asking to speak with me. I didn’t believe it but I called my partner and he broke down and admitted it straight away.

I have never felt more sick and distraught in my whole life. I don’t know who to tell or what to do, I feel so alone. I can’t eat, I can’t stop crying, I can’t get out of bed but I can’t sleep.

what’s worse is we all have children and I have to think about what’s right for my child but at the minute I just don’t know.

my partner (or ex) does not want to split up, he wants to make it work but how can I ever move past this? How can I forgive someone who arranged to have sex in secret with a girl from work?

Bump

Tell a good friend or family member so you can have some real life support

Its really shit. You don't have to take him back

You can’t - it will never be as hard as this is now, don’t drag your pain out more.
Id leave now with your head held high, rather than a few months / years down the line when he’s done it again.

Do they work in a camping shop? God id be in bits but thankful I was.told. I'm guessing your partner wouldn't have told you if you hadn't found out?

None of us work in a camping shop! They planned a camping trip and spent the night together drinking and sleeping together.

he wouldn’t of told me, I asked him if he would but he said because we are due to go on holiday and it’s my birthday soon it got harder to tell me

Well it didn't come out of nowhere OP.

They must have been developing their relationship over a period of time if they've had sex- at least once- and were planning a holiday together.

You say he doesn't want to split up. But its not up to him is it? Its up to you wether you can ever trust him now you know he is a liar and a cheat.

Personally I couldn't get past this.

Work out if you could ever trust him again.
If you can't then split up.
If you think you can, be prepared to work at it and he has to as well.

Don't stay together for the kids. It's not worth it.

If he wasn’t caught out, how long with this have gone on?! It was a pre-planned set up, he planned on cheating. He made his decision already, so now you have to make yours.
Do what’s right for you. The logistics of co-parenting will all fall into place, don’t let that be a reason to stop you from moving on without this cheating man in your life.
They had some kind of emotional affair to build up to planning this, don’t let him fool you that it was a random one off mistake.

I'm so sorry this has happened. You and your kids deserve better x

That trip has been planned, its not been a one time passion encounter. How long has it been going on for?
Take your time, look after yourself and your kids.
Good luck OP x

It's so calculated to have planned a camping trip especially so they could have sex.

I couldn't get past this. I doubt I could get past a stupid drunken night either but this is so intentional.

I'm so sorry op. Do you have people irl you can tell so you get support? 💐

I would contact the other woman s partner again and ask if he has any further details. It is best to gather as many details and facts, before making a decision on how to move forward.

From experience I can tell you, there's very little chance of you being able to trust him again. You will analyse every comment and interaction, until you drive yourself crazy. At the absolute bare minimum you both need couples/individual counselling and he'd need to find a new job asap. He was planning on going away with this woman, whilst you were away, so therefore it's premeditated. The OW hasn't held a gun to his head and forced him in this position, he's made a conscious decision to cheat. The fact he was planning to go away with her suggests he was thinking that this affair would be ongoing. Only you can decide what to do, so take time to process and think. Please confide in a family member or friend in real life, because you need proper support. Whilst you're deciding what to do, there's no harm in gathering all financial information, in case you go down the permanent split path.

He carefully planned how to cheat on you and get away with it. He would have done it again (and will do in the future if you 'forgive' him).

He doesn't now get to decide 'he wants to make it work'. It was working til he slept with another woman.

Just end it. You'll be better off in the end without him, as will your kids.

Thanks for all the replies.

it started on a work night out just flirting, he says nothing more but I can’t believe that and then they planned this night away together which was a month later.

her partner actually knew a week before I did and called my partner. I was there, my partner left the room to speak with him and when he came back to me he said it was nothing but he seemed shaken up. I never questioned it though.

looking back I’ve been oblivious to a lot of things but in my mind I had no reason to think he’d be doing this. He was distant for a little while and we had a talk and I thought it was fine.

he said they planned this verbally whilst at work and most of their communication was at work not by text. Although I found out he had text and called her because her partner told me but these have all been deleted.

I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. The fact he’s planned it sickens me, he could have stopped it at any point but didn’t.

How serious is he? Is he quitting his job?

He said he will leave his job but I understand that even though it’s so hard for me to let him go back there, he can’t just walk out. We have bills to pay and a mouth to feed
so he will need to find a job, secure it and leave

He wants to sleep with someone else and doesn’t want to split with you - so he wants to have his cake and eat it

I’m sorry this has happened to you. You deserve so much better

What’s your financial situation?

Do you work? Rent? Co-own a house with him?

You’re calling him your DP so I’m presuming you’re not married, which could work in your favour (if,for example you live in a house which you own, because you can simply ask him to leave) or could work against you (if he owns the house and by splitting up you’d become homeless).

So has he actually slept with her yet?

How remorseful is he? What has he said about it? How is he acting now?

Sorry to hear you're going through this. The fact that it was clearly planned over a period of time would be a big factor for me. This wasn't a case of getting carried away in the moment, he will have had plenty of opportunities to call it off but didn't. Has he expressed any actual remorse or is he just sorry he got caught?

Some people are forgiving, I am, but I can’t forget, for that reason I couldn’t paper over the cracks and carry on.
everyone is different, tho every time he goes to work where’s your head at? every time he’s on his phone, where’s your head at? every time he’s out, where’s your head at?

It's pre meditated with extensive lying. I couldn't forgive this. A drunk mistake is bad enough but this took serious intent.

Yes he slept with her

he owns our house, we’ve been together 7 years but he already owned the house and we just didn’t sort it so I was on the mortgage

we are engaged and not married so i know legally I’m not entitled to anything. I’ll be starting from rock bottom as a single parent

He’s said multiple times that he’s sorry, he doesn’t have a reason why he did it, he felt so guilty after ect but he didn’t have the guts to tell me

he said he will leave his job and that he wants nothing to do with her and he apparently told her this after they had sex but ultimately I found out from someone else and I believe he was upset about the fact he got caught