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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

would you send a birthday present?

40 replies

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 09:01

me ex best friend is ds' godmother. we haven't spoken since christmas. it's her 21st in a couple of weeks. would you send a present?

OP posts:

OverMyDeadBody · 24/05/2008 09:04

Depends why she's an ex friend really. If she upset you or was disloyal I'm afraid I wouldn't send a present. I'd also remove her from any godparent duties, but that's just me. If a friend betrays me I don't tend to forgive.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 09:05

She fell out with me over something really stupid and petty.

OP posts:

OverMyDeadBody · 24/05/2008 09:08

Well if you want to make up and be her friend again sending a present may be a good olive branch. Depends how you feel really.

PenelopePitstops · 24/05/2008 09:09

i would, it would be a good olive branch to get you speaking again, especially as you fell out over something silly

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 09:10

we've made up already as much as we can. in her words "we won't ever be friends again but i can be civil for the sake of having to work together every few months."

OP posts:

lulumama · 24/05/2008 09:11

agree with OMDB

do you want to make up with her? is she suitable godmother material, i think that is also relevant and important.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 09:11

PP I think it wassilly she doesn't.

OP posts:

Tommy · 24/05/2008 09:13

if she's your DS's god mother then you have both made a commitment to him so you should send a present - not least from him - and stop bveing so petty when there's a child involved.
And think very carefully next time you ask someone to be a god parent

lulumama · 24/05/2008 09:13

x post

in that case, i would cut my losses and find a new godmother, always to lose a friend, but you can outgrow people

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 09:15

Tommy - I did think very carefully. She was my best friend. We were insepearable. Spent virtually every day and many nights together. Went on holidays together etc. I thought it would be a friendship for life.

OP posts:

PenelopePitstops · 24/05/2008 09:21

would cut my losses then, maybe send a card or something to acknowledge it, but not bother with anything too special

OverMyDeadBody · 24/05/2008 09:24

In that case I would cut my losses to be honest, if she thinks it was a big deal she's likely to keep bringing it up all the time.

Seriously, don't send anything and put it down to a learning experience.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 09:32

maybe it was a big deal and it's just me that doesn't think it was. this is the story so you can decide for youself whether it was a silly thing for her to fall out with me over or not. basically we all went out xmas eve got a bit tipsy etc. there was this chap there that i fancy and he kept flirting with me and trying to chat me up but i kept telling him to back off cos he'd previously slept with my friend even though i did really like him. they both regretted it and couldn't really remember cos they'd both been rat-arsed. he had a friend there too who at the beginning of the night i'd said "come here then give us a xmas kiss" (quick peck on the lips). anyway the one who was trying to chat me up kept asking for a kiss and i kept saying no because i knew it would cause a load of hassle. in the end i said fine you can have a christmas kiss like C did but that's it. it was the same sort of kiss i'd give to friends and family - not exactly a passionate snog affair. cue lots of shouting, slagging off, name calling, crying and basically resulting in the worst xmas day ever which i'd really been looking forward to cos ds didn't really take any interest in his first xmas.

OP posts:

PenelopePitstops · 24/05/2008 09:47

oh dear na she sounds a little crazy tbh don't think you were out of order at all

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 09:52

i do think age comes into it. i've had problems with friends over boys before since i was at 6th form cos they all seemed to follow this unwritten girl code and i just followed common sense. now all my friends are older (mostly late twenties) and when i've asked them they all agree that she's the one being stupid but younger friends kind of um and arr which i take to mean they don't wanna disagree with me cos i'm their friend but really if they were that girl they'd probably have done the same.

OP posts:

OverMyDeadBody · 24/05/2008 09:52

Good God definately cut your losses! She sounds like one of those spycho girls you see out on a friday night, all aggressive and shouting

She needs to get over herself. Moove on nappyaddict, you're better off without people like that in your life. Sounds like it will be no loss for your son either.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 09:56

BTW - should mention she was in the toilet crying about harmless flirting before said "kiss" occurred. it was other people in the group who were doing the shouting. apparently i waited for her to go to the toilet before i "kissed" him. i didn't even realise she'd gone to the bloody toilet. i thought she was stood behind us (we were at the bar getting a drink)

i will still send a card from both of us. was going to just put ds but i don't want to be as petty as her so i will put me aswell. i might send a token gift - chocs or something - not sure yet.

OP posts:

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 09:57

I'm just glad he wasn't older when it happened. As i said when she's back from uni she would see he him every day and if he had been older he would have really felt it. As it is he doesn't seem to have noticed.

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OverMyDeadBody · 24/05/2008 09:58

oh god, she was crying because you where flirting with someone he slept with once?! The girl has ishoos.

Tommy · 24/05/2008 09:58

I think it depends on how much you want your DS to grow up having his godmother in his life.

I would send her a card and flowers and say that you want to be friends again - you have to be the bigger person here

OverMyDeadBody · 24/05/2008 09:59

I wouldn't want someone who behaved like that being a godmother to my DS, personally.

NotABanana · 24/05/2008 10:01

I wouldn't after reading what she said.

I also would remove her grom being a Godparent.

Tonightsthenight · 24/05/2008 10:02

So....none of her friends are allowed to go near any man she's ever had "relations" with?

She sounds like a really nast, controlling piece of work. I wouldn't bother with her, I really wouldn't.

OverMyDeadBody · 24/05/2008 10:03

She sounds like she thinks the world revolves around her and her posessive controlling feelings.

Seriously nappyaddict, why bother with such a person?

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/05/2008 10:06

apparently not .... maybe the fact it only happened about a week before makes a difference. i don't know. all other girls seem to know this stuff naturally. i've always really struggled with the whole concept. in between shouting at me one of them said how would you feel if it was the other way around. i said i really wouldn't give a toss. if it was someone i'd recently come out of a relationship with and i wasn't quite over them yet then i'd be upset but otherwise i wouldn't care. their response that i wasn't normal and was an emotionless bitch.

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