Is this standard in the dating game?

[LikeYouWantIt]

Matched with someone on online dating. Both mid-30s. We've been chatting for literally less than 24 hours and he's already asking me to meet for coffee tomorrow. Like??? I literally don't know you from Adam. Shouldn't we chat for a week or so, and actually establish that we're not axe murderers before committing to meeting up in person?

Or is this normal in the online dating world, and I'm just being overly cautious?

He's already asked for my number so we can talk on WhatsApp, which I agreed to (giving him my "spare" sim number), and I've just had a notification pop up "This contact is on Snapchat" which is another red flag for me.

But, is it normal to meet up with someone so soon?

If you met someone in a pub you’d maybe chat for an hour or 2 before him asking you out. You don’t get to know anyone in that time. That’s the traditional way. You sound as if you’ve been talking for more that that. You expect to speak for a week?! Glad I’m married and don’t have to do the OLD lark.

Fine with me, as long as he's respectful/considerate when picking a coffee location.

So he's not just saying he'll message you at the last minute but is checking what works for you and agrees to a proper location in public.

If he's angling for an evening cocktail/alcohol meet close to yours or his he wants a hookup. But I'd assume a sober coffee means he is taking the process seriously.

So many people on apps (male and female) are just so different to their profiles (not necessarily old pics but just come across differently in person).

Maybe I'm sensitive but it's really horrible having exchanged a week load of friendly/flirty messages with someone, meeting them and thinking "no" immediately.

For safety you can use a nickname or a second phone number or just stay on the app before meeting? If you're meeting in public and he doesn't know where you live he'd have to be pretty far gone to try something.

If he was actually dangerous with bad motivations he'd probably welcome a week of chatting, it wouldn't make any difference...

Its a numbers game and I wasnt after pen friends so assuming I was free this would suit me fine.

Why is being on Snapchat a red flag? 🤔

I'm not sure what's the norm nowadays, but meeting is the only way to really find out what he's like. You can send messages for weeks, get on great, build up your hopes... and then have it all come crashing down when you meet. Having a coffee early on sounds like a good idea to me.

I’d be put off if someone my age had it but I’m mid 40s.

I have had various dates where we get on well on messaging, and then in person- there's just no chemistry. The last guy I met, he's absolutely perfect in every way - except I just can't imagine going to bed with him.

So meeting early on is not a bad thing, and it's coffee, not a hotel room. If you don't get on in person, you don't have to go through a whole dinner or anything.

Wouldn't bother me. I'm on snap chat

Wondering the same

I just have a blanket policy of not swapping numbers until we’ve met. I’m not giving my number to a random off the internet

I agree with this Op. there’s no need to come off the app and move to WhatsApp. Someone wanting to switch to WhatsApp asap can be a red flag but I appreciate they might just be keen. It’s easier to report them if they say anything untoward if you’re still on the app.

Whenever you decide to meet him you can still use the app, if you both decide on a second date then you swap numbers.

People are saying you shouldn’t chat for weeks but you don’t need to choose between 2 weeks and one day. There’s a happy medium, you could wait a few days or a week.

If he pushes it and says that’s too long I’d ask - why the rush? It’s one thing being keen but if someone can’t accommodate you the next day you should be able to be patient or it crosses over into pushy.

ETA

I see you’ve already shared your number but it’s a “spare” - great minds think alike lol !

I did the same with guys I met online. I gave a few my main number at the start but then I became really fussy about who had my number so gave out the back up.

Sounds like he outed himself.

You had a lucky escape - assuming you swerved him!

I feel like Snapchat is mainly considered a young persons app nobody over 30 should have it in my view !

I think this is a good compromise.

In my experience it was better to meet up sooner rather than later to assess chemistry. Matched with DP and had first date within 4 days… six years
later I’m on MN at 2:30am as I’m feeding our newborn baby 🥰

FAR better to meet early.

With all the text chat, you are only getting to know his online persona, which may be nothing like him in the flesh.

I'm 60, and in my vast experience of OLD, it's best to meet for a quick coffee very early - it weeds out the time-wasters who just want an online ego-boost 'relationship' whilst being married etc.

It's not like someone's going to say 'I'm a married axe-murderer' over text, is it?

When I was doing OLD, I found there to be a lot of time wasters on there, who wanted a pen pal, I suspect because they were married. When I matched with DH, I requested a meet up early on, for this very reason, which I think surprised him. It worked for us, we are still together, 17 years later 😊

Personally, I think this is better than the losers who string you along for wank material. I think it's better to assess chemistry in person. I had better experiences with blokes who were like this. That said, you need to be comfortable with this and it goes without saying that you don't ignore your instincts or any red flag behaviour.

I definitely preferred meeting quickly as you don’t know if there is chemistry until you meet in person. You can waste time chatting online and think things are going really well only to find that you just don’t click in real life. So yes, it is normal and also my preference.

Men in there 30s who have snapchat are not the one.

Ah me too.

Personally I prefer a bit of a warm up for a few days, I don’t like the thought of meeting them without zero knowledge. And it can avoid me wasting time meeting up if I find them incompatible after some basic questions and conversation It’s best to stick to your preference, don’t feel rushed or pressured into meeting, if that’s a deal breaker for them then they aren’t for you. I agree Snapchat for grown adult men puts me off, as does the type of women they follow on SM. Lots of them just want to sext and have casual meet ups so if that’s isn’t what you want then it’s best to take just a bit of extra time deciding who’s worth it.

It's possible that in the past he has chatted longer before asking for a date, then found that they've unmatched or gone quiet, so now trying to make sure that doesn't happen again? But no harm in asking for a date that's a few days or a week away, that would be a good balance.

Ouch!
It's possible they could have it due to having kids, an account is needed for the parental control stuff....although I don't think I'd be advertising it to prospective dates if I were dating!

Snapchat makes me think of lots of slightly immature messaging, silly filters etc.

But it wouldn't be a deal breaker as you can't jump to conclusions.

As I get older I've learned that a lot of people who do what looks like immature/tacky stuff earn a lot more £££££ than me and do well in life, so never judge on appearances.

People can register for apps without really using them much. Or maybe someone just participates in groups as an outsider or receives messages from family or platonic friends

Honestly, if someone is the "type" to want to follow lots of women online or send dick pics they'll do it regardless of what messaging app they use.

They go on X/Reddit and start replying to random women....even on Mumsnet there's Reply Guys who lurk on threads and try to interact with posters.

In my opinion it’s better to meet up quickly because chatting online is meaningless. You can’t get to know someone like that. I was chatting to someone “lovely”. Met him for a drink after a week or so and he smelt very strongly of a wet dog. It wasn’t raining and he didn’t have a dog. I literally couldn’t stomach it and I don’t think it was my issue/ responsibility to be educating him about hygiene so that was the end of that. A waste of time.