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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unhinged behaviour at rental apartment, that'll be the last time he hears from me

50 replies

Bloodyhell6673 · 22/06/2025 12:21

Longstanding poster, NC.

I'm on my way home after an absolute shit show of a weekend with a bloke who ended up being unhinged.

I've known him for years but not closely. We have mutual friends. I thought he was a good guy.

We reconnected recently and met up a few times, it seemed to be going well. We went away for the weekend.

Night 1 was fine but night 2 (when alcohol was involved) he became unrecognisable.

I was practically babysitting him as he made a prat of himself. I wanted some space so went for a walk, he was livid when I came back as apparently I'd scared him terribly by disappearing (couldn't possibly be your behaviour could it mate?) and he went in a massive huff about that.

Then he got into an argument with the security in a bar as he'd gone in with food and was asked to leave.

He was embarrassing himself and me. I was trying to de-escalate the situation and move him on. He took issue with that and was ranting on about how I should have "stuck up" for him, on loop.

Apparently I was totally out of line and should have had his back because he had been telling me all day how important I am to him, how much he loves me (?!) and me not having his back really upset him.

Got him indoors. He kept leaving and coming back to the rental apartment, 4 or 5 times. I thought he was going to leave me there stranded (he drove us there and was supposed to be driving us back - 150 odd miles)

He comes back in again, decides to climb out of the window onto the flat roof because he wanted to go to the bar that backs onto the apartments.

He broke the blinds in the process.

Climbs back in, still going on about how much I've hurt him. Leaves again, crying. Slams the hallway door so hard it left a big hole in the wall. See picture.

In hindsight I should have left there and then but by that point it was 3am and I had nowhere to go to so decided I would just try to sleep then leave first thing and get myself on a train.

He comes back in again and starts apologising saying he doesn't want me to think he's a dick and he's very sorry. He brought up his childhood traumas to explain the emotional issues.

To don't worry about it, get some rest tomorrow is a new day.

As soon as I woke up this morning I told him I'd booked myself a train home and would be leaving alone. I didn't get the impression he was particularly embarrassed about his behaviour. He has text me twice since I left, perfectly upbeat like nothing had happened.

It goes without saying he won't be hearing from me again. It was long distance so no chance of me bumping in to him and he doesn't have my address.

Currently on the train processing wtf just happened.

Unhinged behaviour at rental apartment, that'll be the last time he hears from me
OP posts:
MrsGrowl · 22/06/2025 12:39

Jesus. That’s awful.
Were you concerned for your personal safety at all? It sounds pretty nerve wracking.
What a dick.
At least he showed his hand fairly early I suppose, before you were too emotionally invested.

Sparkletastic · 22/06/2025 12:42

Oh dear lord that sounds exasperating and frightening in equal measure. Unbelievable he’s trying to act like nothing happened. What are you going to reply? Or will you just block the loser?

Treeleaf11 · 22/06/2025 12:43

He sounds awful. Well done on getting out safely. I hope the accommodation was booked under his name.

Bloodyhell6673 · 22/06/2025 12:44

MrsGrowl · 22/06/2025 12:39

Jesus. That’s awful.
Were you concerned for your personal safety at all? It sounds pretty nerve wracking.
What a dick.
At least he showed his hand fairly early I suppose, before you were too emotionally invested.

I didn't feel unsafe at the time (just very annoyed) but this morning looking back at the evening I did think christ, it's scary how it all escalated.

I agree. I'm glad the mask slipped before I got in any deeper.

OP posts:
WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 22/06/2025 12:46

I really hope the accommodation wasn’t booked in your name

smallsilvercloud · 22/06/2025 12:49

That’s awful, you are lucky it wasn’t you he hurt. Block him everywhere.

ginasevern · 22/06/2025 12:51

He's probably an alcoholic but that aside, aren't men so fucking fond of using childhood trauma or depression or nobody understands me as an excuse to behave like deranged, entitled cunts. Anyway OP, at least you found out what he's like early on. That must've been incredibly frightening for you.

Bloodyhell6673 · 22/06/2025 12:51

The accommodation was in his name only, no connection to me at all thank god.

As I left this morning I said I hoped he would be paying for the damage he'd caused, he said if they contact him about it he'll just have to pay it because "bad things happen to good people"

Namely, he's a good person and it would be very unjust for the owner to make him pay for the damage he caused.

The audacity is off the charts.

I'm going to compose a message when I get home telling him I won't be seeing him again and not to contact me any more. Then he will be blocked.

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 22/06/2025 12:54

That's horrible OP, glad you're out of there safely and can be quickly rid of him! What a nitwit of a man.

bluejelly · 22/06/2025 12:56

Thank god he doesn’t have your address! And is long distance! What a loon. You have definitely dodged a bullet OP. Well done for getting the train home this morning. Money well spent!

Myrobalanna · 22/06/2025 12:56

Jesus. Sorry this happened to you - it'll take a bit of time to process.
That's a very scary reaction to alcohol even if he is an alcoholic.

he said if they contact him about it he'll just have to pay it because "bad things happen to good people"

This is absolutely off the scale inability to take any responsibility for anything at all, obviously. Add to that 'I was a dick so she didn't want to be around me' turning into 'she should have stood up for me' - god what a horrible man.

Will you tell your mutual friends what has happened? I think I would. He isn't exactly a safe person to be around.

Kimwestonhelpless · 22/06/2025 12:57

As pp have said glad you got out safely,the guys a nut.I would block all lines of communication.

R0setheHat · 22/06/2025 13:01

This sounds scarily exactly like someone I used to work with. To a tee. Are you in the UK and are his initials PR. Very glad you came out unscathed x

LatteLady · 22/06/2025 13:02

About 20 years ago I met a chap who said he drank and smoked occasionally... He invited me to spend a weekend at his apartment in Spain. When I arrived at the airport, no sign of him... 20 mins later I got a text saying he had had an accident on the way to the airport. He arrived just over an hour later. Took me to a lovely bar on the way back to his flat where he consumed three large schooners of port! He then insisted on driving back...

Next morning, he went to his local coffee shop bar, where he had been before he came to pick me up at the airport and I discovered he had drunk several large ports, then hit a bollard on leaving the cafe!

He smoked like an industrial chimney... he went to the cashpoint which spat out several of his cards... I have never been so happy to get onto a plane home. On reflection that weekend saved me a lot of wasted time as I ended once I got home.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 22/06/2025 13:02

Sounds like you had a lucky escape. Would be worth doing a Claire’s Law search on him. Just in case he ends up escalating things and not taking no for an answer.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 22/06/2025 13:03

Sounds like you had a lucky escape. Would be worth doing a Claire’s Law search on him. Just in case he ends up escalating things and not taking no for an answer.

333FionaG · 22/06/2025 13:23

Sounds like he's an active alcoholic and probably has no clear memories of the weekend. I feel sorry for people whose drinking is out of control, because somewhere along the line, some trauma must have taken place for alcohol to become the crutch.
That being said, bullet well dodged and if he wants help for his alcohol misuse, that's up to him.

Bloodyhell6673 · 22/06/2025 13:24

Three strangers (all women) approached me about him during the evening, two said I can do a hell of a lot better and other was asking if I needed any help, so his behaviour was being noticed by everyone around but he was oblivious. No shame at all.

Thank you for the kind replies 🙏

OP posts:
Sera1989 · 22/06/2025 13:27

Christ, that sounds awful!! Good on you for getting out as soon as possible, I’m so glad this isn’t a “what should I do?” kind of post! The bad things happen to good people line would’ve made me laugh - the rental owner should be saying that, not him!! As a PP said, some men do like to use their childhood trauma as an excuse for their behaviour instead of taking some bloody responsibility.

If you are close to the mutual friends I would let them know what’s happened before he has a chance to twist the story.

Let us know what you send in the message to him. I’d be interested to hear his reply (although understandable if you want to block him immediately!!)

ItsCalledAConversation · 22/06/2025 13:32

Well played on on your part OP! What an absolute cock.

MyKingdomForACat · 22/06/2025 13:36

Jeez. That’s mad. Drinking obviously doesn’t agree with him but that’s not your problem, it’s his. Block and delete x

Berryslacks · 22/06/2025 13:44

Bloody hell OP I can only second what others have said. Thankfully you had a lucky escape. As my late DM used to say ‘the drink goes in and the sense goes out’. I have to say @LatteLady sorry I don’t know why but the ‘schooners of port’ really made me laugh 😂.

SmallBox · 22/06/2025 13:44

Are you the same poster who's reconnected with an old colleague and he was saying he was secretly ex-army and generally being very odd about drinking the street? Because I hope this is enough to cut off contact if so. We did all warn you.

BCBird · 22/06/2025 13:45

Glad you are away from this idiot OP.

DiamondThrone · 22/06/2025 13:49

Dear god, you're well out of that OP.

Well done for not disclosing your home address!

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