Unfriended on facebook

[Explorers10]

My friend recently disappeared from Facebook and I noticed this around her birthday when I wanted to contact her to drop off her present. She is now back on Facebook and have seen photo posts on her husband’s wall going back to when she disappeared off it and I was taken back as to why I hadn’t seen them and then noticed the ‘add friend’ button.

i was completely shocked about this having spent time thinking about what to get her for her birthday and having dropped her present off, which she messaged me on watsapp saying thank you. She is godmother to my daughter and I am godmother to her son. We always exchanged presents for our birthdays, our kids birthdays, christmas, Easter and attend events christening, kids birthdays etc

I am not sure whether to reach out to say I’ve noticed we not connected anymore and check she is ok or whether to just move on. It has really stung and not sure what i have done for her to unfriend me. It does kill me to think all of a sudden that friendship is gone with my friend and my godson and no longer having them in my life anymore. Also I feel for my daughter who she is godmother to. The situation feels awkward.

Tbh I’d have messaged one of my close friends saying “wtf, why have you removed me from fb?” because I’d assume it was fat fingers or some kind of mistake.
It would be more awkward with a less close friend but since you’re godparents to each other’s kids I assume you’re close enough to tackle it head on? How often do you meet up?

This happened to me so I messaged them and asked if I had done something to upset them. They said I hadn’t and that it was an accident. We would message each other and chat when we saw each other in person but it was about a year before she re sent a friend request. I figured that we’re ok IRL it’s only Facebook.

If you’re close enough to be godmothers to each other’s children and to be buying each other birthday presents, then you must be close enough to ask about what’s happened with Facebook. But I wouldn’t try and have the conversation by text - maybe just next time you speak or meet face to face.

Probably accidental, it's the sort of thing I'd do with clumsy fingers on my phone.

Has she had a new profile and not got round to adding people ?

Thanks for your replies.

This was my reaction too. I wanted to message on watsapp to say why have you deleted me from Facebook. Honestly when I saw ‘add friend’ on thursday: I was stunned, upset, angry all the emotions but refrained myself from messaging anything until I have time to process and calmed down. I now find myself on here asking for advice. My husband also has been deleted.

Not a new profile as can still see photos I liked which she posted on her husband’s wall.

We meet 4 times a year around the kids birthdays and Christmas.

I would like to message her in watsapp but then worried about the reply or if she doesn’t reply but then part of me thinks am I the one being strange asking about it and noticing she deleted me. The next birthday is my daughters (her goddaughter) in July so wondered if I should wait til then to see if she does anything?

Put yourself out of your misery and just ask.

Be prepared though. It could be an accident. Or it could be like when I removed a friend (for very good reasons). If she'd asked then I would have told her straight up why. Not unkindly, just factually.

I’d just ask outright, especially as your husbands deleted aswell

I’d ask if it’s bothering you. But tbh I delete people who post about politics, the Middle East etc, so be prepared it could be deliberate

It’s odd that your first reaction was stunned, angry and upset instead of thinking it was probably a mistake. Just ask her.

What is your FB account like? Do you post political stuff, anything MLM or anything that might be annoying/ offensive?

Could be any number of reasons. Facebook does seem to be changing all sorts of settings ( some groups I am in only allow admin to tag their friends now) so if she is still communicating with you in other ways I would assume it was an error. If it bothers you mention it.

Just ask her!!

Just send her a friend request if you don't want to ask.

You don't need to be on each others Facebook to be friends in real life. I have friends and we're not on each others SM. It doesn't matter.

Why message though? Trying to have a potentially sensitive discussion by text/WhatsApp is a recipe for disaster. You sound pretty close - why not speak to her?

Facebook has automatically unfriended people before, so I'd check that this hasn't happened first before jumping to any conclusions.

My then three or four year old got hold of my phone once and randomly started adding people to my Facebook from the 'people you might know' bit. Literally added about 30 people I half knew but really didn't want as a friend on fb 😬. Maybe something like this happened? I also remember years ago noticing that one of my favourite cousins hadn't posted in a while and when I checked we were no longer friends. I texted her straight away and said 'oi, why aren't we friends on fb anymore?' She was clueless too, send me an immediate friend request and all was well with the world..

The reason why I don’t think it’s a mistake is because my husband has also been deleted so feels deliberate.

Dont post anything political, barely post much on there at all apart from holiday photos.

I agree I just need to ask her, guess I’m worried about the response or no response.

I would just ask her, op. Sometimes you just need to be direct.

I unfriended my lovely sister by accident once on Instagram, I was having a bit of a following ‘clear out’ and pressed her by mistake 🤪

I would frame it as ‘I noticed husband and I are no longer friends with you on Facebook. Is this some sort of cyber issue or have we offended you ha ha’. Keep it light and give her a reason to say it’s a mistake.

Thank you that means a lot that it could be a mistake after having a clear out or kids being on the phone pressing buttons etc.

I unfriended someone and when they asked, I said "oops" and re-added them. Then just set my posts so they couldn't see them.

Another time I removed someone and, if they'd have asked, I'd have told them exactly why, just factually. It was very justified. This isn't the situation but it was something like my child had cancer, a long and intense treatment period and were very likely to die from it. A year and a half later, I removed anyone who hadn't once asked how things were going or how I was. Those people aren't friends and I felt they had no place in my life. A mutual friend told me they noticed and posted a long, feel sorry for themselves post on their news feed about how they tried to be a good person.

Maybe she's unfriendly everybody so she has a Facebook account for events and photos etc, but doesn't keep friends on there? Can you see how many friends she still has?

I would find it painful and worry if that happened. I wouldn’t ask about Facebook. I would touch base with them in real life and see how I ended up sensing things were. if they’ve unfriended you, then they wanted to send you a message otherwise they would just leave you there and ignore it or restrict your access in some way - so they’ll instinctively give this same message in real life too in some way and if it’s a mistake/technical error or if you reaching out to say hi resolves whatever angst caused them to unfriend then all will feel ok.

It’s interesting as even though you are god parent to each others children, and buy each other birthday presents, you don’t really sound like friends. Unless I’m missing something/there was missing information.
Do you ever actually see this woman? Spend time with her? Meet for coffee? Go for lunch? Have dinner? Is she actually a friend you see? Or do you just buy each other birthday presents, drop them off and that’s it?
Do you call each other/ share news/ text? Is she a regular constant in your life?
It kind of sounds like the friendship is dead anyway.

It's unlikely she'd tell you the truth though - the in real reason would most likely be hurtful unless it was an accident.
So unless she's a complete cow she'll say it's a mistake either way.