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Original poster

Successful date (or so I thought) then nothing...

26 replies

Calininearia68 · 20/06/2025 22:29

I've been chatting to a guy for a couple of weeks online, he was really keen, more keen than me. He kept giving me compliments over my conversation and knowledge and saying we had things in common.
We met today and spent the afternoon together, walk, meal etc. I know (without sounding vain) that I looked great and was sparkly and natural. It was fun and conversation flowed. He was widowed only just over a year ago. At one point he told me the day was 9 out of 10.
I drove home (2 hours) and have heard NOTHING from him, not even checking if I got back OK.
I'm feeling a little bruised and wondering what I could gave possibly done wrong and also how rude of him to not check I got home. He's been online. No way would I message him first.
Thoughts?

OP posts:

mistys7thwonder · 20/06/2025 22:34

Why don’t you want to message first ?

BatFaceChops · 20/06/2025 22:35

Well it’s hard to say tbh! We can only guess along with you.

I would say that it may be wise to actually give him a chance to contact you … what is his usual contact pattern? But I’d also add that being over keen, travelling 2 hours to meet someone and too much daily chat before meeting up,
generally isn’t a great idea tbh.

And contrary to what you’ll probably be told on here, don’t contact him. No man I know is ever backwards in coming forwards when they’re keen on someone!

NeverHadHaveHas · 20/06/2025 22:35

Please tell me you didn’t ask him to rate the day out of ten?

Elle771 · 20/06/2025 22:36

Probably realised it's too soon for him or isn't keen on the distance?

Original poster

Calininearia68 · 20/06/2025 22:41

NeverHadHaveHas
No I didn't! I would never do that. He asked ME to rate the day out of 10, I said '8' after which he said '9'.
I just think it's odd and a bit rude to not message at least something.
I give up on men I really do, my ego is bruised 😕

OP posts:

ThymeSageRosemary · 20/06/2025 22:46

Maybe he's rather starstruck and is therefore playing it cool weighing up his next move? It sounds like it went well so he's maybe feeling secure that you're interested and doesn't feel an urgency to follow up straight away. There's something nice about allowing space/time after a date, but I do think he should have asked if you got back ok given that it was a long drive. Odd.

NotaCoolMum · 20/06/2025 22:46

Why didn’t he drive to you or you meet in the middle? Also widowed just over a year ago seems quite soon… maybe he realised he’s not ready?

smallsilvercloud · 20/06/2025 22:51

You can’t always assume they felt the date went well as you did, even if the conversation flowed and you looked a knockout, perhaps he just wasn’t feeling a romantic connection or realised he’s not ready to move on etc. I don’t think it’s rude not to follow up, but I’d take it he’s not interested. Sometimes no contact is better than having to hear it that’s he doesn’t want to see you again.

Mumoftwojune · 20/06/2025 22:52

In the scheme or things a year isn’t long. If this was his first dating experience since losing his wife maybe it bought up feelings he didn’t expect and he needs time to figure it out.

Original poster

Calininearia68 · 20/06/2025 22:59

Yes I get what everyone is saying. We met halfway for both of us. He did seem more shy than the confident guy he seemed over messaging, chats etc. I am very self assured and maybe was a bit overwhelming. But I know how to behave and I could tell he was impressed at times.
I just hate the not knowing and after his many messages every day it's weird not to hear anything at all.
One thing he said was so attractive about me is 'it's so good to talk to someone with a brain '

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 20/06/2025 23:02

It's really only a few hours since you saw him. Don't give up yet. Wait for him to message you.

Whatveudone4melately · 20/06/2025 23:05

I don’t know, it could be any number of reasons but I feel it usually goes back to the saying that goes something like “men are simple - if you’re confused about how a guy feel he doesn’t like you”

Perhaps he did enjoy the date but doesn’t think you’re compatible enough for a second date. Maybe he’s realised he’s not ready to date again yet or something reminded him of days out with his wife and made him sad. Or maybe it’s been ages since he’s been on a date and he has forgotten etiquette about texting to make sure you got back okay. He could text you tomorrow. Who knows.

If you don’t hear from him by tomorrow I’d just delete his number and move on.

Elle771 · 20/06/2025 23:06

So if you met halfway you live 4hrs apart??
I wouldn't take the "talking to someone with a brain" thing as a compliment to be honest... sounds like he doesn't have female friends or only talks to chatbots

Elle771 · 20/06/2025 23:07

Clearly you have a brain it's just quite a snide thing to say about other women OR an indicator that he doesn't speak to normal women on real life which would be a red flag

CharmingDryad · 20/06/2025 23:09

If he just saw you, why would he text you today? That’s way too much texting. Is contemporary dating a constant barrage of texts??? I’m probably not with the times.

Enrichetta · 20/06/2025 23:11

I am very self assured and maybe was a bit overwhelming. But I know how to behave and I could tell he was impressed at times.

could it be that you came on a bit strong…

Thinlyveiled · 20/06/2025 23:12

Why do you expect him to message you but you so t message him? A four hour distance between you is too much.

proximalhumerous · 20/06/2025 23:13

Calininearia68 · 20/06/2025 22:59

But I know how to behave and I could tell he was impressed at times.

What does this mean? He was impressed you didn't pick your nose? That you know how to use a knife and fork and not chew with your mouth open?

Whatveudone4melately · 20/06/2025 23:15

Re. Why doesn’t she text , the fact is most guys looking for another date would text a woman to say “I just got home a few minutes ago, did you get home okay too? Enjoyed the date, hope you did too. It lovely to meet in person finally - maybe we can do it again soon? ”

He may well text her that tomorrow though. If they don’t do it the same day, they’ll do it the next day. Any longer than that and they’re probably not interested and the text will probably never come.

Of course she can text too, but usually if a man is keen he will be the first to text in that situation.

Promo981 · 20/06/2025 23:16

I think you are expecting too much here and should wait and see what happens. Some people are just not worriers about whether someone got home OK or not (wish I was one of them), so I don't see him not checking as rude. Also, if you haven't asked him if he got home OK then it's double standards isn't it?!
Also, some people are conscious of not coming across too keen for fear of scaring people off.
I think you need to be a bit more patient and see what happens.

Original poster

Calininearia68 · 20/06/2025 23:18

proximalhumerous
Impressed with my sense of humour and wit as he belly laughed a few times and my knowledge as we were talking about a niche shared interest. No need to make snide comments, I came on here because my ego was bruised as I stated from the outset, but I'm confident enough to get over it quickly. Next!

OP posts:

proximalhumerous · 20/06/2025 23:21

Calininearia68 · 20/06/2025 23:18

Wasn't meant to sound snide, I just wasn't sure what you meant by being impressed with your behaviour.

I think he may well contact you tomorrow, or over the weekend.

Bittenonce · 20/06/2025 23:24

Forget the ‘don’t contact him first’ comments, it would be normal to just check he’s back safe etc.
Sounds like you’re both new to this - for him especially, dating is likely to be a foreign country after knowing only being in a relationship - or alone. So cut a little slack - and try not to feel too bruised, forget about the chats you’ve had, you’ve actually only met once so you don’t know each other really.
But if you are both feeling your way in terms of OLD and new relationships, distance is going to be an issue right now as it’s tough to get to know each other well enough to work out whether or not you’ve really got something if you’re so far apart. Just don’t make this into something until you really know if it exists if not.

Torkieshorkie · 20/06/2025 23:28

If he was interested he would have definitely have checked in and asked if you got home ok.
Honestly he’s just not that into you

arethereanyleftatall · 20/06/2025 23:28

One thing he said was so attractive about me is 'it's so good to talk to someone with a brain '

Um. You have detailed this as if you think it’s pleasant?!! What a patronising, condescending thing to imply about women. And don’t be so naive op, of course he will have spoken to many intelligent women. If he hasn’t, then that is really embarrassing.

I did OLD a few years ago - loads of dates were really surprised when I wasn’t interested at all for a second date when they thought the date had gone perfect. The reason dates went perfect is because I’m good at making conversation, at making people comfortable; but I’m like that with everyone; it didn’t actually mean I felt anything for them in particular.

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