My husband left me, now I'm having sex with strangers

[mylifewasgreatnownotso]

A week ago my husband sat me down and explained to me how he no longer loves me, has met someone he works with in office and is about to pursue things with her. This has floored me. I thought it was a joke but he's now moved out. Thankfully we don't have kids.
I'm so angry at him, he had the audacity to tell me he'll be hurt if I got with anyone else, I hate him so much.
This weekend gone I got together with my girls for a night out and ended up in bed with a stranger. We had the most amazing sex but I was just thinking about him.

I don't know if having sex with strangers is the way to get over him but I'm looking to try again and see what happens.

What would you do if you were in my position?

Are you implying that they might have got back together if OP had sat at home being chaste and sobbing over him?

I'm pretty sure the relationship is over at the point that the husband left op because he's shagging the woman at work. Not because of anything OP has done

If that's your / his attitude why bother getting married?

I have only slept with 1 man in the last 37 years. If he dumped me, bet your bottom dollar I’d try someone else out. He’d have to be nice, don’t get me wrong, but I’d absolutely be up for it.

Not for keeps though. I won’t be living with anyone but me and my pets 😅

I imagine because when people get married, they think they'll never fall out of love?

There's a very good saying for this situation.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Enjoy yourself, just make it safe.

I was being facetious and I dont disagree with you @Golden407 , but surely this bloke deserves something of a pasting for declaring that he'll be hurt if the OP gets with someone else!?

I say go for it, but with five key rules:

1. Always have safe sex
2. Don’t put yourself in any risky or dangerous situations
3. Don’t hurt anyone - that includes yourself
4. Don’t be tempted to jump into a new relationship - you’re not ready yet
5. If you’re still doing this in three months time, stop and start working on rebuilding your self esteem in other ways - this isn’t a long-term solution for heartbreak

I’m not 100% behind the idea he’s an arsehole for leaving. Sounds like he ended things with the OP before pursuing anything with the person of his interest.

isn’t that what you want people to do? Realise they feel for someone else so respect that they shouldn’t feel this way if the marriage was good and end things before acting on anything

And telling the person they're leaving they would be hurt if they got with someone else?

But you dint ALSO tell them to not sleep with anyone at the same time! Otherwise, he just having an OW. Not another relationship after the first.

Plus tbh, I doubt it is ‘oh I have enpugh. And by coincidence, Theres someone I quite fancy’.
Rather, I’m pretty sure he has already tested the waters and wouldn’t have left if the answer hadn’t been positive (even if they haven’t had sex before)

Who cares if your h is possessive? He broke things off with you. He has no business being possessive or anything else, screw him and what he thinks. He gave up that right when he left your marriage. I would tell him point blank you are seeing other people and just fine without him. Firmly shut the door to your marriage so he knows it is done.

A good husband would have tried to work on his marriage first instead of pursuing someone at work. He wasn't a good husband in the first place

She should probably shag his best mate. Just to be sure!

🤣 @Gymbunny2025 I would if he was into me. The one who I would shag is loyal to ex. Ha maybe I could take it as a challenge and see what happens.

Problem is all ties have been cut, I've got his number but if I get in touch with him I know he'll tell the ex and other friends. Proper cringe!

If it was amazing why not do it again with him? It can still be no strings

He didn't fall out of love, how ridiculous. He pursued things with a woman in work when he wasn't single.

People change, he’s obviously decided it’s not for him, he’s entitled to do that. Probably a good thing unless you believe people should be trapped in unhappy marriages forever? OP should look to the future and be positive

I’m guessing he wasn’t happy, that’s why he pursued things. What does it matter it’s over? Move on

From the OP...

"A week ago my husband sat me down and explained to me how he no longer loves me, has met someone he works with in office and is about to pursue things with her."

Yes. It’s not a long term strategy for dealing with the underlying emotional issues his leaving has caused.

And the reality is that casual sex like this carries more risk for women as well.

Read threads on here all the time about women encountering men on ONS doing super aggressive porno sex without asking them first, or the woman falling pregnant (while the father of baby is untraceable and /or doesn’t pay maintenance ) or finding out the ONS man is a crazy who now knows where you live etc

Again why bother getting married with that attitude? Absolutely bloody bizarre to (non British) me.

I agree with this even though I have absolutely zero issue with women having any sex life they feel like. I personally have had A LOT of casual fun in the past.

But I think you're putting yourself at risk OP if you do too much of this; you're putting your mental health, self esteem (it shouldn't come from men desiring you), personal physical safety and even your health. Only have sex because you want to, not because someone has hurt you.

Can you not understand that people who fall out of love, generally don't tend to have 'that attitude' on their wedding day?

Are you telling me you believe he's about to pursue her? That he hasn't tested the waters yet? And that if she hadn't appeared he wouldn't have suddenly realised he didn't love his wife?

He's been at best inappropriate with this OW while married to OP and now he's justifying it to himself and her by saying he's realised he doesn't love her.

He's a spineless cheat and arsehole.

OP is well rid and hopefully when she's healed she will meet and fall in love with someone loyal and decent.

In your shoes, I'd get an STD test, go to see a solicitor, and cool your engines way down.

Sleeping with strangers solves nothing. Don't demean yourself to spite him. Strangers who are ready and willing to hip into bed with you, a random woman on a night out, are men who are happy to use you at a vulnerable time. You deserve better.

If you can, book yourself into a nice spa for a massage and facial.

The only person who will end up hurt if you decide on promiscuity is you.