Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband left me, now I'm having sex with strangers

83 replies

mylifewasgreatnownotso · 20/06/2025 13:04

A week ago my husband sat me down and explained to me how he no longer loves me, has met someone he works with in office and is about to pursue things with her. This has floored me. I thought it was a joke but he's now moved out. Thankfully we don't have kids.
I'm so angry at him, he had the audacity to tell me he'll be hurt if I got with anyone else, I hate him so much.
This weekend gone I got together with my girls for a night out and ended up in bed with a stranger. We had the most amazing sex but I was just thinking about him.

I don't know if having sex with strangers is the way to get over him but I'm looking to try again and see what happens.

What would you do if you were in my position?

OP posts:
ManchesterGirl2 · 20/06/2025 14:35

As long as you take safety precautions and both people enthusiastically consent, I think this is fine. I don't think being celibate is inherently a better way to recover from divorce. If you're enjoying the sex and feel it's helping you, why not.

DontTouchRoach · 20/06/2025 15:20

My tip for getting over a break up is to make a point of doing all the things you enjoy but couldn't (for whatever reason) really do during the relationship. For instance, my friend loves Indian food but her husband hated it, so after he left she got takeaways delivered about three times a week just because she could. Also she watched all the stuff on TV that he hated and used to moan about, listened to her own music choices, repainted the bedroom in her favourite colour (which he didn't like), things like that. She was still devastated, obviously, but even so, at least it was a reminder that there are some advantages to being without someone. I would say that being able to shag anyone you fancy with no strings attached is definitely one of those advantages, so go for it and enjoy yourself.

DontTouchRoach · 20/06/2025 15:27

Thmssngvwlsrnd · 20/06/2025 13:52

Sorry OP, I agree with this. Why not wait until you meet someone you really like? Respect yourself. Your OH sounds like an arsehole though, you are well shot of him.

Edited
Show quote history

What's disrespectful about doing something you really enjoy?

If she was sleeping with strangers when she didn't really want to, just because she wanted to make them like her or something, that would indicate a lack of self-respect. But sleeping with someone you find attractive and enjoying great sex with feeling guilty, on your own terms? That's absolutely a sign of self-respect!

Sex isn't some of gift that women bestow on men as part of a bargain where the man gets the sex and the woman gets the commitment in return. Women are allowed to enjoy sex for its own sake. Getting pleasure from sex on a purely physical level isn't just for men.

If you can't enjoy sex without a committed relationship, that's fine - you don't have to do it. But that's simply about personal preference, not about respecting yourself or not.

ERthree · 20/06/2025 15:59

Ok you have slept with one and feel fine about it. Do it every weekend and you might feel differently. Having sex with strangers is not going to help you deal with your divorce.

AmyDuPlantier · 20/06/2025 16:00

Nothing wrong with safe break up sex! Go for it and have fun. It’ll do your self esteem wonders. Just don’t catch any feelings for anyone!

amooseymoomum · 20/06/2025 16:05

I think that you will get very hurt, and you are playing with fire. no doubt you were a bit intoxicated, so get your life sorted, decide where you are going, and time will heal you. then think what part men play in your life

Brightmoonlight · 20/06/2025 16:08

That seems like a good start for the rest of your life OP.
How does he compare? Looks, stamina, wealthwise?

Moveoverdarlin · 20/06/2025 16:09

I would do exactly the same as you OP. Go out have fun. It’s ok for women to want just sex with attractive men.

BountifulPantry · 20/06/2025 16:30

You’re single.

Do whatever makes you happy. Whether that’s shagging a different man every night or becoming a nun. It’s now completely, 100% down to you!

ThatLilacTiger · 20/06/2025 16:42

Just try to only have sex with men who are going to be kind to you. Not least because you don't want to give a horrible man the satisfaction of getting laid, but because you're probably fragile in ways you don't even know about right now and the last thing you need is some other asshole causing you grief.

Kattley · 20/06/2025 16:51

Ok I’m going to be THAT one. The judgy one. It’s all fine to have consensual sex but this sounds like a lack of self esteem and rejection fears which you are trying to bolster by having sex with strangers. Work on yourself first - do you really want sex with strangers?

DontTouchRoach · 20/06/2025 17:13

Kattley · 20/06/2025 16:51

Ok I’m going to be THAT one. The judgy one. It’s all fine to have consensual sex but this sounds like a lack of self esteem and rejection fears which you are trying to bolster by having sex with strangers. Work on yourself first - do you really want sex with strangers?

do you really want sex with strangers?

Why wouldn't she? Lots of people do. If she was a man you wouldn't be saying any of this to her.

Kattley · 20/06/2025 17:21

DontTouchRoach · 20/06/2025 17:13

do you really want sex with strangers?

Why wouldn't she? Lots of people do. If she was a man you wouldn't be saying any of this to her.

Show quote history

Because she’s asking a question on MN. It doesn’t matter to me what she does - it was just my observation.

wizzywig · 20/06/2025 17:23

Go enjoy yourself and take care of yourself .

Original poster
mylifewasgreatnownotso · 20/06/2025 17:24

Have only had a ons once, yes I plan to do it again. Lol hopefully tomorrow night!

I enjoyed it loads, he gave me his number but I have no intention of calling him as I'm not looking for anything but no strings fun.
Initially, yes I slept with him as a 'fuck you' to my h but it was amazing sex, different and he showed me a thing or two! I'm hoping the next guy I meet it's the same.

I refuse to stay indoors crying over that prick. I won't be telling h as I know he will get possessive. He's off doing god knows what. And seriously, as I'm so busy I hardly care what he's doing.

I have to look at this as a positive, if not, then I'll be home curled up on sofa feeling sorry for myself.

OP posts:
Noshadowsinthedark · 20/06/2025 17:26

Go for it OP.

I am surprised how many MNs are taking issue with safe and consensual adult sex. Weird.

Lullabycrickets23 · 20/06/2025 17:26

Wear protection

Goditsmemargaret · 20/06/2025 17:51

A few weeks of mayhem is always allowed when you're high on rage. Wear protection, have fun.

Next month when you've calmed start thinking about what you want from your life going forward.

What an absolute bastard your husband is.

Golden407 · 20/06/2025 17:55

Devilsmommy · 20/06/2025 13:20

So he's free to pursue a new relationship but would be hurt if you did? Cheeky bastard! I'd tell him to fuck off and if you actually want to have no strings sex with a couple of strangers then go for it. He's got no say in what you do with your life anymore. He forefit that right when he trashed your marriage for another woman

I would think at this point, seeing as he’s left, he really doesn’t care. I think OP needs to get to that point as well

JabbaTheBeachHut · 20/06/2025 17:59

Golden407 · 20/06/2025 17:55

I would think at this point, seeing as he’s left, he really doesn’t care. I think OP needs to get to that point as well

Show quote history

I was thinking this when the OP mentioned 'revenge' sex.

I hope she's doing it because she truly wants to, rather than trying to get 'revenge' on someone who simply doesn't care.

Mrsbloggz · 20/06/2025 18:01

What would you do if you were in my position?
Send him photos of all the very hot and attractive men I was shagging!

Golden407 · 20/06/2025 18:03

Goditsmemargaret · 20/06/2025 17:51

A few weeks of mayhem is always allowed when you're high on rage. Wear protection, have fun.

Next month when you've calmed start thinking about what you want from your life going forward.

What an absolute bastard your husband is.

I don’t really understand this, If a woman came on here and said she’d told her husband she was unhappy and leaving for someone else, they didn’t have children and she wanted out. She’d be fully supported and told she only has one life make the most of it etc etc.
All of which I agree with. What is the point of encouraging the OP to be bitter and twisted about his decision. It’s a positive for both of them, they’re child free, I assume relatively young so surely it’s better they both get out now before they have kids etc?

JifNtGif · 20/06/2025 18:05

Well the marriage is over now that's for sure !

Golden407 · 20/06/2025 18:07

Mrsbloggz · 20/06/2025 18:01

What would you do if you were in my position?
Send him photos of all the very hot and attractive men I was shagging!

A friend of mine had an ex who sent her selfies of himself and all the women he was going out, with on regular basis.
Everyone thought he was a bellend.
Maybe just have dignity and move on, people are entitled to end relationships.

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 20/06/2025 18:15

If you want to have sex with one man, ten men, fifty men, throw a few women in there, heck have a gangbang then you go for it and don't let anyone try and shame you. Just be sure you are doing it for you and that you take all reasonable precautions to be as safe as you can be and I don't just mean contraception.
Get a trusted friend to track your location and agree a check in time, if you don't check in by that time your friend raises the alarm. Personally I feel the risk is higher in them coming back to mine as I don't want them knowing where I live and becoming a nuisance but equally it could be said the risk is higher going to an unknown location (their place) so you will have to decide for yourself what you feel most comfortable with. Whilst I wouldn't abstain from alcohol completely I would be careful to not get too drunk and take the standard precautions against spiking that you would regardless.