Is it ok my husband still fancies despite my weight?

[VictorianLadyWannabe]

I became registered disabled back in April due to my weight and associated mobility issues. My BMI figures have classified as me as morbidly obese. I still work part time and my employer has been amazing ensuring everything is fully accessible for me.
I have a fab husband who helps me so much and I'd be lost without him. He is also very affectionate with me and insists that he still finds me very attractive. We haven't been that intimate for quite a few months and I would really like to start again, I think he would too. I just have this nagging doubt in my mind that he is just being kind and I don't want to embarrass myself or get upset if things don't work out.
I would really appreciate any thoughts and help people may have on this as it is causing me so much anxiety, thank you.

I’ve got a friend who has been everything from a size 8 to a size 24 in the 20 years she’s been with her husband , she says it’s never made the slightest bit of difference to him as he loves her for who she is .
I think it’s quite rare but embrace it , these men do exist! Good luck x

I guess you have to take what he is saying is true. You know him best. I would have thought him being affectionate is a clue as to how he feels about you.

DH put on weight after illness & can't exercise as he used to. Still has a gorgeous face though!

I’d take him at his word. Not everyone is put off by their partner gaining weight. Love is often deeper than appearances and it sounds like you’ve been through a lot together. I’ve been everything from a size 8 to a 20 with my dh (been together 16 years) and have complex health issues and he’s never stopped fancying me.

Thank you that's really good to hear especially as your friend has had such a fluctuation in weight. We've been married for almost 10 years and I have always been plus sized and struggled with lipoedema. Thank you xx

Believe him when he tells you that he's still attracted to you. He loves you for everything that you are. I've gained a lot of weight over the last few years but my DH of over 30 years still fancies the pants off me!

You presumably are trying to lose weight? So if I were you, I’d wait until some of the weight had come off to feel more confident in myself before broaching this with him

@VictorianLadyWannabe This is your dh your are talking about . Surely you would believe what he is saying. Why would you question it ?
Really it’s your own insecurities. Don’t let them come in the way of your marriage.

Ive been from a size 24 to a size 14, together for 30 years. Husband still fancies me and we still have a decent sex life.
Go for it!

Ouch! Thats really unkind.

Perhaps the Op is unable to lose weight because of her condition.

I woud believe what his says, unless he's known to lie. Otherwise, don't allow doubt to mess up a good thing ☺️.

Huh?

unkind?

literally nothing is acceptable to some when it comes to weight threads aside from unequivocal and unwavering “there there you are amazing”

my advice? lose a bit of weight if you can, feel more confident and go for it

I’m not clear what you’re asking. Of course it’s okay for him to fancy you. If you both want to have sex with each other go for it.

Is he allowed to fancy you - Of course

Does he still fancy you regardless of your weight gain - Probably

Would he fancy you more if you were able to lose some weight? - almost certainly

Pretty much it in a nutshell.

I completely understand your point but due to a number of health issues losing weight has been extremely difficult. I'm pretty much restricted to a walker or wheelchair these days so exercise is difficult.

Thank you that gives me a lot of confidence xxx

He's a good man and doesn't lie, I rely on him so much xx

Thank you that's so lovely to hear and my very best wishes to you both xxx

It's very much a confidence thing I think. Becoming disabled and being diagnosed as clinically morbidly obese was a huge blow to me I always thought things would improve. It gets to the stage where you even doubt a loving husband.

DP has been every size under the sun over the last 20 years.

I will admit, the first time she was bigger I did lose some attraction towards her. But not because of her weight. It was entirely down to her own insecurities about her weight, her own self consciousness. It's hard to find someone attractive when they're constantly telling you they're not, that they're fat, and ugly. When they refuse to take their clothes off in front of you, refuse to let you touch parts of their body that you've touched for years.

She's bigger again at the moment, and this time round she simply could not give a fuck. I don't know why, but she's even less self conscious about her body than she was at her slimmest. And bloody hell she's gorgeous.

That sounds exactly like us and I definitely need to try and get to that stage xx

My DH is the same I am now a size 18 sometimes a 20 - he still loves me, fancies me and we have a great sex life. Every day he does something to remind me - so today was a text to just say hello beautiful!! Go for it!!

Mine thinks I’m the sexiest woman on the planet. Even at my heaviest it’s pretty obvious he still desires me.

Humans are sexual beings. Disabled people are allowed desire. Fat people are allowed desire.

OP, YOU are allowed desire. It’s ok to want intimacy with your partner. And it’s definitely ok to have it.

Go and kiss your chap and see what it takes you.

Thank you so good to hear this. He sounds like a great guy xxx

You are so right. Becoming disabled because of my size I felt was the end of an intimate relationship and I'd just be a fat woman in a wheelchair. I've trying my very best to dress nicely be presentable in work and generally try not to let my disability restrict me too much. Getting my head around the intimacy side of things is my next goal.
Love to you and so happy to read about your relationship, it's so helpful xxx