Porn usage?

[SnemonyLicket]

I’ve been seeing a really lovely man for around 4 months. The other day we were talking about our sexual fantasies and he said his was anal sex and a woman gagging on his penis during oral sex so badly it caused her mascara to run down her face. He also said about liking it “messy” as in the woman ends up a mess. I’m not going to lie, each to their own, but I was taken aback at what he said, particularly the gagging part and the messy part. It sounds extremely dominating and humiliating for the woman from my POV and almost territory marking. But anyway, I was talking to my friend about it earlier and she showed me some messages from a guy she had been seeing last year, and his fantasy was almost exactly the same as my guy’s. Anal, gagging, messy. If I hadn’t known for sure they were two different people I would have thought they were the same guy.

So anyway, this got me thinking…I’ve not watched porn for about 20 years now, but I can only assume that as two separate men have the exact same fantasy that this is what porn is now? Or am I wrong? Also, for those in the know is this main stream porn acts or is it something more niche? Is every guy I date in the future going to expect that same dominating type of sex because this is what they’ve been watching in mainstream porn or have my friend and I just been unlucky to have met two men who both happen to like the same type of sex?

Yes, this is what a lot of porn is like these days. Not all of it, but I'd say a good 20% of mainstream porn will have the gagging, messy stuff. Anal is probably a higher percentage overall, but not all of the anal stuff is about domination, humiliation etc.

Does that mean every man you find is into that sort of stuff? Not at all. I watch porn on occasion, and anything like that is an instant switch off. It tends to be particular studios who produce that sort of content so its fairly easy to avoid.

His name isn’t Andrew Tate is it?

I agree and am so glad I am old and don't have to consider these problems.

You asked for a porn fantasy, he delivered. Possibly, as some have suggested, second-hand from Russell Brand - that mascara thing is unusual and pretty specific!

His real fantasy is being able to reliably make you come, preferably before his hand actually falls off.

Why isn't your wife posting then?

She can’t see!

Porn usage is obviously pretty rife so if you have a new relationship with anyone it's likely he has used it even if he doesn't while in a relationship with you. The details you describe aren't great but if combined with an expectation you would do these things it's just time to walk away.

I agree these are pretty common fantasies that women have. My DPs ex was very much into all that and being dominated. He did it for her as it was what gave her pleasure, although it's not his thing and we don't.

Nothing wrong with a good hair pull or bite though.

But this is the problem with sharing fantasies, someone will always judge.

A lot of porn is like this because its what a lot of people like. Ofc they will add more if people are watching it. What you've descrbed is actually pretty tame, there are way worse things out there. For eg women going to therapists and being abused, drunk women being taken advantage of, women in prison being taken advantage of by the guards, gynaecological exam abuse, horror porn where women are tied up naked in cages hungry and dirty..hung up to the ceiling in an abattoir, so much scary stuff.
You asked him what he liked and he was honest.The things he mentioned are pretty tame and loads of women are into it.
It's your preference though, one guy told me he liked being dominated and I was gone like a shot.

She's too busy thinkng up other sexual fantasies

I don’t understand why they expect us to buy a shitty mascara that’s going to run so easily? I like good quality makeup. My mascara won’t run in torrential rain, let alone from 6 inches of flesh periodically touching my tonsils.

Tell him you agree with the anal and what sort of strap on does he need?

OP, if I were you, I would return to this conversation with him and express your thoughts / feelings on it. Ask him what the fantasy means for him in reality? Your take on it is dominance and humiliation, is that how he sees it? Does he expect to play this out with you? Are you happy to go along? If not, you need to let him know and set firm boundaries'.

Surely 'getting lost in the moment and getting messy' doesn't need to include gagging, penetration of a hole designed for pooping and runny (cheap) mascara? Does he imagine that you gagging and receiving anal will make you come?

So many questions....

The thread is less about me and him, and more about out the fantasy. Like I say, I don’t watch porn anymore and haven’t for a very long time, but when I last watched it I didn’t come across the gagging messy stuff. My curiosity was piqued that my friend also had the same experience when talking to a man about fantasies. The fact that both fantasies were almost word for word identical made me question if this is less to do with individual desires, and more to do with porn and what people are consuming these days. Whether I do it/don’t do it, stay with him or end it is neither here nor there.

🤣 I did have this exact thought when he said it.

I am going to speak to him about it when I next see him, because I want to gauge why this would turn him on. If it’s to dominate me and humiliate me then that will be a huge no from me, but if it’s for some other meaningless reason (not sure what?!) and he isn’t expecting me to actually do it, it’s just something he thinks about, then I will continue with him. I’ve been in a previous relationship where an obsession with a specific fantasy overtook our lives and I felt huge pressure to submit to him. I don’t want to waste time on someone who won’t accept no as an answer or sees it as a challenge.

True, I see posts on groups asking for where to get mascara that will run easily. As long as they want it, good for them. It's not my yum, but I'm sure my yums are other peoples' yuck.

That's the kinda sex I like too, I've done basic vanilla hated it its boring does noting for me, I love it rough, me and my partner have been together 9 years have an amazing sex life but he certainly doesn't disrespect out side of the bedroom! What someone likes in the bedroom isn't a complete representation of them as a person.

Fair enough, OP. But please tread carefully.

I have to say that having a man I was seeing come out with all that would give me the massive ick, to the point that I couldn't imagine actually engaging in sex with him ever again.

I know my wife’s fantasy, she knows mine.

I also know she doesn’t want to act on her fantasy in real life, but will watch it on porn.

Me, my fantasy far more tame and has been fine in real life.

OPs dates fantasy, I don’t find appealing in the slightest, and would feel I’m degrading my wife. So not all men want this. Obviously can’t speak for women.

Amazing there's men who have slunk out en masse for this thread

Loads of women derive physical pleasure from being made to gag so extensively that their eyes water?

Have you ever personally met one? Because I haven't.

Calling bullshit on that.

I’ll be frank, I've commented because I hate being lumbered into “all men” category. Its no different to saying “all single mums…”

It's really not!

Especially on a sex topic on a site very much primarily for women...

Ive never seen such a high percentage of males commenting on a thread here before 🤔

I get what you’re saying. I comment on other posts. It was mainly the OP who was assuming this was normal from a “male” perspective, therefore I felt an opinion would help.