Friend hasn't paid me back

[LeoLassie]

I met a friend for a light lunch on Friday. She was running late due to traffic, so I ordered the food and paid. She said she'd pay me back but although we've exchanged a few messages since then, she hasn't mentioned the money.

It's only £10 so I feel a bit tight asking her to put it in my account - but at the same time, I don't like being taken for granted.

My friend has form for this and it drives me nuts. She's lovely (in many ways) but generosity isn't one of her strengths - and over the years, I’ve often ended up out of pocket in situations like this.

I hadn't seen her for around 18 months (we live in different cities), so asking for the money back feels even more petty somehow. But at the same time, it's really grating on me. Just the principle of it, I suppose...

I don’t think not paying is a personality trait.
I think it is stealing. If someone walks out of a cafe without paying, it’s theft.
And that’s stealing from a stranger.
Stealing from a friend is even worse.
Why should somebody work hard to earn money to finance somebody else?
If they do this to all their friends it’s awful.
It is different if it’s a pre-arranged treat.
But doing this constantly is really ooor behaviour.

woman up!!! you don't need to meet up!!! tell her there's an app called paypal we don't live in the dark ages !!!

Be careful with this. My friend is like this. I paid for cinema for both and I said sure you get next time. They cf. Never happened. Now I just buy my own. Its difficult to call it out. But not a nice trait. If its coffee I have exact cash on me lol

Update - I sent my friend a message in the end saying ‘lovely to see you etc etc and here’s my bank details for the £10’.

Felt really tight doing it, had to keep reminding myself she’s the tight one!

Anyway, she read it and waited a couple of days before replying ‘lovely to see you too, all paid up xx’

No apology for forgetting or anything! I felt she should never have put me in this position and I really wonder if she even realises how often she’s taken advantage over the years - I sense she thought I was the one being ungenerous!

Just ask. Either she's completely forgotten, in which case she'll be mortified, but grateful for the reminder, and pay immediately or she's done it deliberately and needs telling. More likely the former imo.

Agreed when it’s occasional but when it’s a repeated pattern, it starts to look like something other than forgetting!

Oh, she realises - but she's self-centred and thinks the world (in the form of you) should revolve around her, paying her way!

I'd just make sure never to be in the position to pay for her again. In your OP she was running late so you ordered and paid. I'd have gone all vague and said I had no clue what she'd want so just got my own so she could choose herself when she got here. Or, oh I've not got my bank card with me and only have enough cash for my own. I'd bloody well force her to put her hand in her own pocket.

I had a friend like that. It was really hard because I hate tight people and allegedely so did she. I later came to understand that she meant she hated tight people who were not mugs enough to constantly pay for her😅. It cost me some money but I got my lesson. Be generous with people who are worthy of your generosity- with users you need to be really tight.