Married 11 years. 2 young children under 3. I need advice on how to separate from my husband. He refuses to leave the family home or even accept that the relationship is over. I’m a SAHM. I’ve started keeping a diary because I feel I’m being bullied in this relationship — constantly spoken to with unkind words, sarcasm, ridicule or snide remarks. I don’t feel I can tolerate it anymore, and I want to find a way out for myself and my children.
He is only happy when he knows he is having alcohol. Binge drinks every week, mainly at home.
I’ve asked him to get help. But he won’t.
He often speaks in a cruel or angry tone to our toddler. Some examples from the last couple of months:
• When our child was crying at bedtime, he called him a “fucking prick” and told me to “fuck off,” then said I “look like the ring.”
• When our child spilled milk, he told him “you’ve spilled it now” in a blaming tone. When I gently challenged this, he called me a “petty fucking cunt” in front of our child.
• During night terrors, he’s called our child things like “little brat,” “fucking pussy,” “little cunt,” and said things like “I’ve had enough of you” when our child asked for him.
• He’s also said things like “I hate him” and “he’s been a whiner all his life” while our child was sitting on his lap.
• He frequently uses language like “slug,” “shit mother,” “slut,” “whiner,” “little shit” — all directed at me or around the children.
He often refuses to listen when I try to calmly intervene or protect our children from hearing things like this. Instead, he becomes hostile and verbally aggressive with me.
We’ve just had another baby, and when I went to take the baby to feed him after hearing him cry, I was met with sarcasm and was told I was “bored of looking after the toddler now are you?.” The baby was only 4 weeks old at the time.
On top of this, several times a week, my husband says he wants to kill himself — sometimes jokingly, sometimes seriously. He has said he wants to leave a note for our eldest telling him he is ending his life “because of him” so he knows “how much misery he caused.”
I have asked him to leave, but he won’t. I’ve asked him to get help but he won’t. I have nowhere to go.