Silver Anniversary gift disappointed.

[AngieH2000]

It was our silver Wedding Anniversary and I bought my husband a Tag heuer watch. Which he loves. He asked me what I wanted and I said memory of place I always wanted to visit. Rome, Iceland. Etc. This was at the beginning of the year. ( I'm allergic to jewellery, so pointless getting anything like that)! As the mouths went by and the watch had Been bought 5 months before the Anniversary.. My husband said we have no funds to go away to Iceland or Rome and booked our usual self catering cottage in Wales and Said that will be my gift. Slightly disappointed, I made the best of the trip away and did enjoy it, as I usually do every year. Our anniversary came and got chocolates and sparking wine and a lovely card.

A few days later my husband says, "oh I'm off to trial a new motorcycle." Thinking of changing his 2019 one.
Oh OK.. He's looked at a saving account he had for years and the money would come out of that. I encourage him to have what he wants while he can. So wasn't unhappy with that, but felt cheated in my memory holiday and no suggestion of one in the furture. He has done this on my 40th birthday and recently my 50th too.. In fact I can't use the suggested pressie ( insta 360 camera) as ihe had such an argument, I nearly split from him. He has big insecurities about money, he has ptsd and it manifests itself into this. He buys himself stuff, drone, bits for the bike etc but never me. I feel I can't touch our joint account and give him almost the mortgage money each month plus get the shopping. Even if I can't afford it, he wants the money I'm self employed. He also has anger issues, so have become a passive person and just except things, but lately it makes my heart sink and I just feel unloved. Also concerned for my future with him. Am I being unfair.

A lot of this is quite familiar to me - been married 29 years and one day looked around and thought my H has a nice car , a huge valuable vinyl collection ( it’s his hobby) guitars etc -I have sod all of value as too busy making sure bills get paid . So yes, I do get you . It kind of creeps up when you realise someone is a selfish git

It's interesting how that wheels shows me so clearly how abusive my marriage has been.

Just scared of the big wide world on my own, I feel like I'm not a human anymore. I don't know if I have strength. He manipulates me to thinking it's my fault. I go along with it for an easy life. Now it's so hard, trapped. Hoping the councillor will help..

He’s not insecure, he’s a bad, greedy little man who turns nasty when you’re not making him money.

Of course he’s nice most of the time, who wouldn’t be to a free cash machine.

Take the watch back, go on holiday yourself.

It’s a very confronting image. The reality of your existence being summed up in one wheel is very sobering.
It’s completely normal to feel scared. Abusers work by creating a dependence on them, by isolating a person and making them feel useless and incapable, and by ruining a person’s self esteem, so they stop believing they deserve better and lose any will to fight for better or attempt to leave. If you have the strength to have navigated this relationship though you have the strength to leave it. Freedom and peace are waiting for you. I hope your counsellor helps you get there but you should also google domestic abuse charity and your county and self refer yourself for support.

he’s a selfish prick always prioritising himself.

Do you realise how much you put yourself down and make excuses for him. It's actually making me feel so sad because I was in a similar situation in my first short marriage and it took the second to realise how wrong first was. I could never imagine hubby earning more yet me working several jobs to give him a chunk while he buys for himself. We have a joint account it all goes in one pot, it's there for both of us and kids nobody cares who spends what if it's more or less than the other. All bills get paid, little gifts will appear here and there and I must be very lucky because he has booked for us to go to Wales Anglesey for 2 weeks in September which I did mention last year funnily enough as never been that way before usually go Scotland so I'm really looking forward to it.

If you are scared of him you are in an abusive relationship. There would be no more gifts to him after this. You need to start saving money for yourself and he can pay towards the mortgage. Any punching would be reported to the police and a restraining order obtained pretty quickly. He is draining you and PTSD is not a reason. You need to start calling yourself more.