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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Daughter & Partner living with us!

48 replies

Bulldog01 · 14/06/2025 22:31

Daughter & partner have been living with us since February, They work from home.Have a loft room to sleep in & a second bedroom as a office.We charge then £250.00 a month each.Our Daughter has asked me if the rent can be less.We reduced it £225.00 a month each.We never get the rent on the 1st of the month like we agreed.She pays it a few days later! I asked our daughter do you feel we are asking too much?Her reply was we want to save!The thing is I have not seen any sign of saving.They are going to New York soon.I am really ok with that, as they both work.My issue is that our Daughter seems unhappy that we are charging rent.Since she moved in, we feel she makes comments like have I moved something,or super critical of both of us,she makes remarks about the area we live in.They both have 2 showers a day! in the bathroom for 40 mins each time.We only have one bathroom & WC.Daughter had a suitcase case delivered.Left the empty box in the hallway, our hallway is very narrow.I tried to place it in the cupboard,it would not fit.In the end my husband took it to the recycling centre.She was furious that we had not asked her! So much so that she sent a text to her dad at 1:30 in the morning letting us know she's not happy.She comments about her dad's driving.She monopolizes the washing machine.She barely does any washing up or cleaning.We are mid sixties.When my mother died I gave Our Daughter & our Son £15,000.00 each out of my Mother's estate of £30,000.I feel very foolish now.I would prefer her & her partner to move out! I would not make them homeless,but I am feeling very conflicted about the dynamics & circumstances Husband & I are living in! I really need some sound advice how to handle this!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/06/2025 22:34

Tell them they’re obviously not happy and need to go elsewhere. She’s a cheeky cow.

Cynic17 · 14/06/2025 22:37

Firstly, the rent needs to be increased.
Secondly, tell them that they need to be living in their own place by Christmas.....and mean it!

Summerhillsquare · 14/06/2025 22:37

Time for them to strike out and live their own lives, they have too much to say about yours.

Wadadli · 14/06/2025 22:41

Your daughter is taking the living piss. They ought to be giving you 500/m minimum.

outerspacepotato · 14/06/2025 22:41

If she doesn't like it where she lives, she and her partner can move elsewhere.

They're not paying their way. They're taking advantage of you. Time to go hard core.

Raise that rent.

Throw their shit out if the leave it out to where you can't do your laundry or maneuver past their trash.

Don't to give her any more money. She doesn't appreciate you, she thinks you're a chump that will finance her life plus she's a bitch about it.

Naw, forget it, tell them they have 30 days to find a place.

jolies1 · 14/06/2025 23:01

Adult chat over a cup of tea.

Clearly the current situation is not sustainable. She’s an adult living in the family home to save for a house, she’s not a child. Has she lived with housemates before? You need a set-up a bit more like adult housemates, not mum and daughter.

If she is staying, she needs to set up direct debits for her board and lodging so no late payments. She is using your utilities etc, especially if WFH. Don’t reduce the amount, it’s far cheaper than renting.

Agree fair use of facilities and what household tasks she needs to contribute to, whether that’s a rota for cooking dinner or firmly stating she needs to do her own washing and cleaning of communal areas.

If she’s not happy, she will need to move out. Remind her she is always welcome for dinner or an overnight stay if she needs, but she can’t live with you and revert to a mardy teenager.

jolies1 · 14/06/2025 23:05

Just to add my brother moved home to save for a deposit. They agreed a set time that he would live there (6 months - obviously with reasonable wriggle room when he started looking at properties). They had 2 rooms, bedroom and one to use as their own sitting room / office & were responsible for own cleaning and washing. They were told not to take the mick with holidays, going out.

TheSilentSister · 14/06/2025 23:06

Sounds like they've taken over and taking the piss. Time to tell them they should move on. If they were genuine about saving, they wouldn't have booked a holiday to NY.
The rent you are charging is way lower than anything they would have to pay if they moved out. They've got it too easy.

FrenchandSaunders · 14/06/2025 23:08

Christ how old is she 😡

Ponderingwindow · 14/06/2025 23:10

When they asked to live with you, what was their savings goal and how many months did they need to achieve it? If you did not have that discussion, why not?

If you see no signs of saving and they can’t show you an account with evidence, I would require them to pay you the savings every month and you will hold it for them. That is in addition to whatever contribution you need to run the household.

You should not be putting up with this if it is not achieving something .

DeSoleil · 14/06/2025 23:15

If they lived with you in harmony it would be different, but they don’t. Your daughter is entitled and thoroughly obnoxious.

Tell them that the arrangement is not working and list the things as you have here and that they have to leave by X date.

Stand firm.

clopper · 14/06/2025 23:27

My Dd and boyfriend did this for 6 months. We charged a small amount of rent only, they bought their own food and cooked it and did their own washing. We had a bathroom rota to accommodate everyone getting to work on time. They also had the two rooms at the top of the house so a similar set up.There was clear evidence of them saving for a deposit and they moved out in 6 months to their own house. I would have put a stop to it if they went on an expensive holiday though! They were respectful and tidy. I think these things only work if there are clear boundaries and rules and a time limit…also respect! We wouldn’t have kicked them out after 6 months but didn’t tell them that and it made them focus on saving hard.

Even though we had no problems, the house still felt crowded with other people’s ‘stuff’ and there is a certain lack of privacy. I hope you can come to a solution with her, it sounds like she has reverted to teenager mode.

4kids3pets · 14/06/2025 23:37

Wow they are working and you charge so little for everything. Tell them to go get a room in a shared house and they won't get all that for such a small amount. I paid my parents a £100 a week when I was at home and happily did so as did my siblings because we knew it was a bargain and that our parents still had big bills to pay. Now I have my own house I really see what a bargain I had 🤣

Bulldog01 · 14/06/2025 23:40

Thank you for your replies.
We have just had a blazing row. The washing machine was on a 1200 spin speed at 11.00 pm. I asked her to stop the machine which was loud! I have pulled her up, mentioned that i thought she has turned into entitled bitch? She started raising her voice loud enough for my neighbours to hear! I felt humiliated. I have suggested that she looks for somewhere else to live!
I really don't think that i can ever forgive her!

OP posts:
saraclara · 14/06/2025 23:45

You gave her £15,000 and they bring home two salaries, and complain at giving you £125 each a month? And they treat you both like shit?

Tomorrow morning you point out that they clearly aren't happy living with you, and they're making you unhappy. It's clearly not working, so they need to look for somewhere else, which you know they can afford to do because they have your £15k plus all the money 'they've saved'.

MotherJessAndKittens · 14/06/2025 23:54

I’m sorry that happened. It sounds like you’ve come to the end of it being feasible for them to stay. I think you and DH need to make a time to sit down with them and discuss the next move. It’s time they moved out and set out a plan for doing so whether to rent or buy their own home. Discuss with DH what you think is reasonable notice and stick to it. You shouldn’t have this kind of pressure put on you and be shouted at which really indicates a time for them to look for their own home. Your home needs to become a relaxing place for you and DH. Good luck x

cestlavielife · 14/06/2025 23:57

Where is the 15k ?
Send them on their way

Bulldog01 · 14/06/2025 23:58

Hi ,They were paying £500.00 a month.We have reduced it to £ 225.00 each total £ 450.00 from 01/06/25.I have said to our Daughter that has she is not happy,she needs to look for somewhere else.

OP posts:
MrsEMR · 15/06/2025 00:00

They are not being held hostage. They can leave whenever they like. They are paying a pittance to live in your home & causing huge upheaval. The sooner they sort out alternative accommodation the better if you ask me.

OneFineDay13 · 15/06/2025 00:21

Bulldog01 · 14/06/2025 23:40

Thank you for your replies.
We have just had a blazing row. The washing machine was on a 1200 spin speed at 11.00 pm. I asked her to stop the machine which was loud! I have pulled her up, mentioned that i thought she has turned into entitled bitch? She started raising her voice loud enough for my neighbours to hear! I felt humiliated. I have suggested that she looks for somewhere else to live!
I really don't think that i can ever forgive her!

I don't blame you, who does she think she is. I would never disrespect my mother's house like she is. It's YOUR house not hers

DelphiniumBlue · 15/06/2025 00:45

I think you need to say that you are not happy, not querying if she’s happy! Explain it is your home and she is making you feel uncomfortable in it and therefore she and BF need to find somewhere else to live. No need for name calling, that will only make things more difficult, just say that it’s your home and you run it your way, and whilst you have been willing allow her and bf to stay temporarily, you feel you are having to compromise too much, so time for her to be independent. Her shouting at you in your own home is not acceptable ( but calling her a bitch does not give you the moral high ground).

CestLaVieYouSee · 15/06/2025 07:41

I think some home truths and tough medicine is what they need! Wouldn’t be putting up with that carry on!

Ryah76 · 15/06/2025 08:43

@Bulldog01 yes your daughter has / is taking advantage- sadly things came to a head before you had the opportunity to set clear deadlines for moving- I would do this now. Good luck

user1471538283 · 15/06/2025 08:53

Oh right, so she thinks she can pay a pittence because she doesn't like the area whilst this funds big holidays? She needs a massive wake up call and to live independently.

You need to give her a deadline for leaving.

It never ceases to amaze me the ingratitude and entitlement of some people to further their own goals.

Bettyfromlondon · 15/06/2025 09:01

CestLaVieYouSee · 15/06/2025 07:41

I think some home truths and tough medicine is what they need! Wouldn’t be putting up with that carry on!

Fully agree! Today is the day to use last night's argument and bring this ridiculous situation to a head. I suspect you have been too accommodating and appeasing and your daughter thinks she is the top dog in the house.
40 minute showers twice a day in a one bathroom house! And the same nuisance from the boyfriend.
No!! She needs to learn there are consequences for abusing the love and goodwill of people helping her and her boyfriend.
Hopefully your husband is in agreement with you and you can firmly put your feet down and put them in their place.
Six weeks is plenty of time for them to sort out new accommodation. In the meantime maybe visualise yourself in a strong coat of armour which repels all attacks coming towards it. Good luck!

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