Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Daughter & Partner living with us!

48 replies

Bulldog01 · 14/06/2025 22:31

Daughter & partner have been living with us since February, They work from home.Have a loft room to sleep in & a second bedroom as a office.We charge then £250.00 a month each.Our Daughter has asked me if the rent can be less.We reduced it £225.00 a month each.We never get the rent on the 1st of the month like we agreed.She pays it a few days later! I asked our daughter do you feel we are asking too much?Her reply was we want to save!The thing is I have not seen any sign of saving.They are going to New York soon.I am really ok with that, as they both work.My issue is that our Daughter seems unhappy that we are charging rent.Since she moved in, we feel she makes comments like have I moved something,or super critical of both of us,she makes remarks about the area we live in.They both have 2 showers a day! in the bathroom for 40 mins each time.We only have one bathroom & WC.Daughter had a suitcase case delivered.Left the empty box in the hallway, our hallway is very narrow.I tried to place it in the cupboard,it would not fit.In the end my husband took it to the recycling centre.She was furious that we had not asked her! So much so that she sent a text to her dad at 1:30 in the morning letting us know she's not happy.She comments about her dad's driving.She monopolizes the washing machine.She barely does any washing up or cleaning.We are mid sixties.When my mother died I gave Our Daughter & our Son £15,000.00 each out of my Mother's estate of £30,000.I feel very foolish now.I would prefer her & her partner to move out! I would not make them homeless,but I am feeling very conflicted about the dynamics & circumstances Husband & I are living in! I really need some sound advice how to handle this!

OP posts:
supercali77 · 15/06/2025 09:02

Unfortunately, losing your sh*t is what happens when someone relentlessly takes the piss. You've given each of your kids a hefty amount towards a deposit. Going off to NY while apparently saving for a deposit doesn't sound like she's in any rush. It's not just what's paid towards rent...I don't imagine anyone in their 60s wants to share their home with 2 other adults..children or not. Just the bare practicalities of working round one another. Once the dust has settled after the argument, I'd say..they have x amount of time and they need to leave by then. Don't worry about 'making them homeless'. They're both working. You've given a decent amount from a future inheritance. The rest is on them

SamDeanCas · 15/06/2025 09:05

I’d wait until things have calmed down and have a sit down chat with her.

bring up everything you’ve done in your op. Or if you do want them to move out, give her a date to move out by, you can offer help with this, but stick by the date.

I know lots of families that have grown up dc still living with them. But if it’s not working for you, then they need to either tow the party line (this is your rules, they don’t even have to be fair as it’s your house), or they move out.

Omgblueskys · 15/06/2025 09:19

Op get yourself a cuppa and call them both down,
Explain how upset you are, and that you and h will not be disrespected in your home,

1/ house rules, washing machine doe's not go on at 11pm, thank you, any washing to be done at said time,your time op,
They have all day to do a wash for gods sake,

Other house rules put in place,
Oh by the way ' daughter, what plans are in place for moving out, are you making plans as I would like to know, and if not why not??,
Make sure both are there when having this conversation op

Shinyandnew1 · 15/06/2025 09:31

I would speak to them both this morning and say it's not working out and they need to move out asap. They shouldn't be shouting at you in your own house either-she is being really rude.

Putting up a young couple whilst they save hard is one thing-providing they are respectful, considerate and grateful for what you are providing for them.

Letting them treat you like a doss house whilst they whinge about your home, demand a rent reduction and use the money they're saving for expensive holidays to America is a total different issue!

How did you come to agree to both of them living with you? I wonder if they would be in more of a hurry to save up and move out if that was the only way they could to be together!

terracelane23 · 15/06/2025 09:36

I think I’d be saying something along the lines of that the current situation isn’t sustainable. You love her and want to have a positive relationship with her for a long time to come but the current living arrangements are doing damage. Then, give a timescale for them to move out and maybe offer some help with the move.

MounjaroMounjaro · 15/06/2025 09:47

They need to go. The amount they are paying is a joke anyway - it's one thing subsidising your daughter but why should you subsidise her boyfriend? By going on holiday they are showing you that they are not saving.

You were really silly with your inheritance. You were kind, but you didn't take her character into account.

Tell them now they have a month to leave - they can easily find somewhere in that time.

Katykaty11 · 15/06/2025 09:49

Two working adults can afford to rent somewhere. The fact that they want to save is not your problem. They are not potentially homeless. Harness your current anger and upset and speak to them clearly. Contribution, and attitudes change to fit your house rules or they move out. We had our adult child and partner move in for months before they saved a deposit - they were grateful and respectful.

Ohnobackagain · 15/06/2025 10:14

@Bulldog01 of course they need to pay you rent. Your bills will be higher for a start. £500 between them (now £450) is more than reasonable as they are working. They would be paying far more if they moved out. So no reason they can’t save the difference, which would soon mount up.

Meanwhile, your house, your rules. No late washing machine runs, empty it promptly, maybe have designated days. Tidy kitchen after using it i.e. do as you would be done by. Otherwise, they need to leave. And as for the parcel box nonsense - who the hell does she think she is? They should feel at home, but they need to show some respect at least.

saraclara · 15/06/2025 10:36

I have pulled her up, mentioned that i thought she has turned into entitled bitch

To be fair, I think that calling your daughter a bitch is not helpful. My mum called me a bitch once, when I was a teen. I'm now nearly 70 and I've never forgotten or forgiven it.

So if you're going to talk to her about the way she's treating you, don't give her the ammunition she can firr back at you. I'd apologise for that, but make it clear that you're at the end of your tether.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/06/2025 11:48

Is this new behaviour from your daughter or has she always been like this? If it is new, is it the influence of her partner?

You are right to ask her to look for somewhere else to live. Their behaviour is totally unreasonable and entitled and she is treating you and speaking to you as though you are staff and she is your employer. If they are both on full-time salaries and only paying £450 a month between them, they must have absolutely loads of disposable income. The two 40 minutes showers per day for each of them would send me over the edge.

thatsawhopperthatlemon · 15/06/2025 11:58

It is time they stood on their own two feet and moved out.

Apart from the rent, which they don't pay on time, do they contribute to the household in any other way, such as buying food and cooking meals for all of you?

Do they share housework/cleaning/tidying of the main living areas, kitchen & bathroom?

We had our dd and her partner living here for three years while they saved up to buy somewhere, and had nowhere near this level of grief.

justkeepswimingswiming · 15/06/2025 12:09

Id speak to them this morning once all is calmed down. Tell them this isnt working out and they need to move out give them a deadline you & your husband are happy with.
id also tell them 6pm latest for the washing machine, its not fair on you nor the neighbours.
im guessing she doesnt have the 15k left to move out with? That could of been half a house deposit.

Midmeddlecum · 15/06/2025 12:17

She needs to go. She shows no respect for you, and her staying will be to the detriment of your relationship.

Bulldog01 · 15/06/2025 12:48

Thank you for your replies, I was so angry with her last night.Never have I been that angry! For me the sad part, is we have always brought her up with manners & consideration.This has really come as a huge learning curve. She has sadly become entitled & no longer respects us as her parents.I went downstairs last night to ask about the washing machine.What really made me angry was her tone, that I come in here, the kitchen! Never will I tolerate that behaviour from our daughter,raising her voice over mine,in order to control the argument & avoid the truth. Will update, when we have any more to add.Our daughter living with us with this attitude is not going to work!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 15/06/2025 18:28

Bulldog01 · 15/06/2025 12:48

Thank you for your replies, I was so angry with her last night.Never have I been that angry! For me the sad part, is we have always brought her up with manners & consideration.This has really come as a huge learning curve. She has sadly become entitled & no longer respects us as her parents.I went downstairs last night to ask about the washing machine.What really made me angry was her tone, that I come in here, the kitchen! Never will I tolerate that behaviour from our daughter,raising her voice over mine,in order to control the argument & avoid the truth. Will update, when we have any more to add.Our daughter living with us with this attitude is not going to work!

Good for you.

What's been said this afternoon?

Bunoflowers999 · 15/06/2025 18:32

Her coming with a stranger would be a No from the very beginning. I don't care does she call them a partner

OneNewLeader · 15/06/2025 18:38

Calm conversation, point out what she does and how it makes you feel. Then ask her what she suggests.

Bulldog01 · 16/06/2025 00:14

Not anything to add, other than, we have not said a word to each other all day & night.After yesterday's argument.I have no words to say to our Daughter.I have taken my anti anxiety tablets which seem to be working.Things are calm! But I do know, that we are going to need to communicate. Right now if they said they are going to move out,I would not be overly upset however, I would feel very sad. My boundary is treat each other with respect,or there is no relationship! I will update once, I have spoken to our daughter. Daughter & partner have been together for 9 yrs.I think our daughter could be ADHD? She is 31.We have not lived together for the last 4 years untill now.Thank you for the comments,that have validated my feelings!

OP posts:
Bulldog01 · 16/06/2025 13:51

Daughter & I are not speaking.i am really feeling conflicted.I worry it will result in more conflict. One thing is my husband has been speaking to our daughter, I do not mind that, but he continues to be very polite to our Daughter, which makes me feel humiliated.This is one reason that she takes advantage of us both.I will stand up for what I believe is right, my husband sits on the fence, she knows that & takes further advantage.I am considering taking out a credit card & booking into a hotel. I struggling to accept this situation much longer. loyalty is a top priority for me! At the moment,I am looking forward to them going to New York on 28th.Our daughter & partner have a ragdoll cat,we love having him live here!

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 16/06/2025 14:00

Thing is she said she wanted to save - don’t we all!! What you do not do is take advantage of others in that situation and you set a time frame - hold your ground OP - she is very much in the wrong -and they are taking the piss

Saltedcarameltiramisucheesecake · 16/06/2025 14:16

Can they go live with her partners parents?

Shinyandnew1 · 21/06/2025 18:04

@Bulldog01 how's the week been?

Bulldog01 · 22/06/2025 21:07

Hey,
Thank you for your replies. We are speaking now, but sadly this has been a big learning curve for my husband & I. Earlier in the week, Daughter & Partner mentioned they would think about moving! Due to the recent fall out just over a week ago. They are going on Holiday, the end of next week! Which should be a break for the four of us. During the Conversation i had previously been looking into symptoms of ADHD,I asked our daughter, if she felt she could be suffering from those symptoms. Her reply was yes, although when she was younger, she was introverted, quite, secretive, But a joy to bring up as a daughter. I really had no idea until now! 1.Chronic time management, 2.Impulsive. 3.Impatience, 4.Maintaining Relationships. We had to attend a Funeral this week, a Neighbour passed away. Hence, why i have not really thought too much about our issues this week! Will update shortly.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page