Guy i've been dating says this - what does he mean?

[moonandstars22]

Been dating for 3 months. 35 y/o and 34 y/o. He hasn't had a relationship for more than 5 years.

We were discussing what we are after 3 months, we are currently exclusive. He says he wants to be in a relationship, but hes finding it hard to get closer and be more open.

What does he mean? Everything has been great so far, great dates, personalitys seem to match, sex good. But im wondering if saying that is a bad sign.

So maybe he’s had some other unfinished loose ends that he wants to explore before being fully committed… given it’s only 3 months that seems plausible… make sure it works bith ways

He's trying to open up to you and get emotionally closer but he finds these things difficult, ie, I'm trying be patient.

I don't think he's that into you.

He’s not really feeling it but he’ll enjoy the sex til he gets another offer

"He says he wants to be in a relationship, but hes finding it hard to get closer and be more open."

Reverse it and look at the things he isn't saying: he doesn't want to be in a relationship, he isn't emotionally available.

I'd straight up ask him what he wants. Then watch his actions for a few weeks. If you aren't satisfied, extract yourself and don't look back. 35 is old enough to know what he wants from life. Some people are happy to skate along and drag you off your own path/aspirations.

Good luck OP x

If he's been on his own for 5 years, it is quite difficult to suddenly stop being just you and start being half of a couple.

Give it time and take things a bit more casually.

I agree with @thatsawhopperthatlemon- getting closer and being more open also means being more vulnerable. Give him some time. If in another three months he hasn’t been able to get a deeper connection maybe he’ll never be able too

Interesting mix of views so far...

It’s still early days but in my experience men that have been single for a long time usually get stuck in wanting to stay single while having relationships benefits.

I would give it a little longer but be mindful of wasting your time.

Are you not in a relationship? How does he define what you are currently? Do you not have deep chats? What did his 5 year relationships look like (did they live together/kids etc?)?

i personally think if a man is really serious about you, you’d both know it by 3 months

Ask him what he means? Does he mean he thinks he's in a relationship with you but is struggling to be open? I mean, just ask him so you can understand what he's trying to tell you. No drama.

It means you're not the one.

He doesn't sound that enthusiastic about being in a relationship, anything involving a "but" is usually a bad sign. Maybe he only wants to date? What do you want, is it an easy relationship from your side, or is it a bit awkward?

Guys know very early.
For and with the right person there is no 'be more patient give me more time' it's easy to open up, it's easy to talk, even if you normally find it hard.

He’s emotionally unavailable and is not prepared to take accountability for it.

At some point, he will blame it on you.

He’s got one foot out of the door

Commitmentphobe

I tend to approach these sorts of odd statements with a lot of curiosity and open ended questions. Admittedly that could be off putting, but being emotionally articulate and a strong communicator are very high on my list of priorities (as well as potential partners having a high tolerance for my overthinking). But you’ll get a lot more information by asking him, than asking on MN. And closeness, ime, comes from deeper conversations where we are a little, and a little more vulnerable with each other.

Please don't fall into the trap of helping him work through his feelings. He's had five years to sort this out. Don't let him waste your time.

As he’s been single for 5 yrs I would say he’s struggling to open up. If you are happy with him then give it a bit of time.

I suppose im trying to work out if what he is saying is genuine or an excuse not to make a relationship official because he is perhaps a bit unsure about me (despite things seeming good) and wants to still carry on doing what we are doing atm (being exclusive)

He means that he likes the benefits of a relationship, but he isn't prepared to offer complete commitment to you. But as you've only been together for three months, I think that's quite reasonable.
However, mid way through your thirties, you should both have some sort of plan for your future. So keep your own plan as your priority, and review the relationship again in three or four months.
If he's still prevaricating, then it will probably be time for you to move on.

He's making you audition like a job extending the trial period. I don't like his wishy washy energy. Is he a pisces by any chance?

It's really difficult to judge - my now H said he didn't want to get married again initially and he later told me he had been worried about getting hurt by me but decided to go for it - as in our relationship. I usually find that most men are not very good at expressing their feelings and if they do talk it tends to come out wrong . 😂

I’m not sure I know what the difference is between what you’re doing now & “being in a relationship”?

You’re exclusive, so not seeing other people, you’re having sex, going on dates, speaking… what’s the difference between that and a relationship?